Shattered Memories
by gryffen1
Summary: The continuation of Mackenzie Fraser' story - SEQUEL to Terror in the Block. What will happen when her past catches up and places everyone in grave danger? Will she survive the trials ahead of her, will her life with Spike survive what she must do to keep her family safe? - Will she have to make the ultimate sacrifice to ensure their safety? RATED M for swearing and scenes.
1. Chapter 1

**Shattered Memories**

I ran round the corner at full speed and stopped dead at the end of the alleyway; my nightmare scene unfolded in front of me.

I watched as my boss was shot close range and he went down onto the ground and didn't move – I screamed and ran towards the two men while raising my weapon and shouting for backup at our location; the others were still at least thirty minutes away at the best speed and traffic conditions and I needed to get to Parker to see if he was critically wounded. The attacker opened fire and I dove behind a dumpster and returned fire once he had stopped and was reloading his weapon; I skirted the dumpster and kept close to the shadows on the wall and ducked again once he clocked me move closer behind him – he opened fire and just missed me, but I didn't miss him. I rolled to the ground and shot him between the eyes; he went down and landed across Parkers legs.

I got off the ground and dragged him off the boss and checked his vitals – thankfully they were still there but weak and uneven; I could hear the EMTs arriving at our location after the others called for me on the radio. I shook the boss and demanded he open his eyes and take a deep breath. He did so after I slapped him across the head to wake him up a bit, I found the small wound that I knew was bleeding out fast through the bigger wound the calibre round makes on exit, my only thank you was it was not near any vital organs and I had my kitbag on me. The vest had helped to slow the bleeding down but I had no option but to remove the front part to get to the wound; using my tactical knife I slit up the sides and ripped off the panel of Kevlar and saw the mess the wound was in. The wound was bleeding freely and I needed to stop it quickly so I unclipped my bag and ripped out the pressure bandage and rolled him onto his side so I could secure it tightly across his side. Rolling him back I grabbed the alcohol wipes and cleaned my thumb as best as I could and jammed it into the bullet wound as far as I could.

That woke him up.

I straddled his waist and pressed my thumb down in the wound to stop any more damage, he tried fighting me and I had to scream in his ear to bring him back to reality.

"Greg – it's me – its Mac!" I screamed over the noise of the sirens coming up the alleyway.

He looked at me and I had to roll him so he could be sick; rolling him back once again I dug my thumb in and wiped my eyes on my sleeve covering myself in his blood. He looked at me and took a few deep breaths as he remembered what happened.

"Where did he go? Did he get away?" he whispered.

"No, he's dead boss – what the hell were you thinking going after him alone!" I demanded crying.


	2. Chapter 2

He was losing too much blood and the paramedics were just kneeling down to get treatment started – one of them even looked appalled at my use of first aid; I glared at him and yelled that I was a combat medic and knew what I was doing in the field and for him to get his ass in gear and start fluids. I leaned down and checked the blood flow, it had slowed considerably but he was in shock and drifting in and out of consciousness – I slapped him again and he snapped up and looked at me.

"Don't you dare go to sleep Gregory Parker – you scare the shit out of me again and I will roast your balls for breakfast!" I yelled as the adrenaline took over and I helped the paramedics set up vital checks.

We got him stabilized and transported into the ambulance where his heart stopped suddenly – I grabbed the panels and charged them up – he was not giving up this fight – he was stronger than this!

"He's lost too much blood Officer!" the paramedics said.

"Then get a cannula started and do a direct transfusion from me to him – his blood type is O Positive and I am O Negative – take what is needed!" I yelled back.

The other paramedic kicked into action and swapped places with the newbie guy, he got what was needed done while I continued to work on Parker and managed to get his heart going after a good dose of adrenaline. His stomach wound was still bleeding freely after the compressions and I had to jam my thumb back into the wound and press down on the artery that had been nicked by the bullet. I felt the sharp nick of the needle going in my arm and I straddled his legs again to give the transfusion the gravity drop it needed.

"Boss – I need you to stay awake alright – stay with me!" I whispered into his ear.

He looked at me and groaned, we couldn't give him anymore painkillers and the ride to the hospital wasn't the smoothest in the planet – I tried to keep him as steady as possible by balancing myself on top of his legs and his vitals were showing he was heading back into shock as his brain processed what was going on. We needed to keep him calm and I clocked the radio in the dashboard.

"Give him another IV and put the music up in the back, got an idea to keep him calm enough to slow the blood loss," I called over the noise of the siren.

I leaned down closer to him and started to sing along to the song, he always teased me about singing in the Humvee – time to put it to good use! The paramedic was about to give him medication through the IV and I stopped him quickly once I clocked the container – it would kill him within seconds. Parker was allergic to certain medications and I was making sure none were given to him, but one of the main ones was the Factor Vlla that helped treat blood loss. The blood transfusion was helping as much as possible but I was starting to feel the effects of it since it was going from me to Parker and then the pressure bandage in set order. The IV's were helping treating the shock and the LR Solution was working wonders for his vitals that were showing 79/67 with a pulse rate of 34. I looked up through the windscreen and saw we were close to the hospital and they driver had called ahead for the trauma unit to be ready for our arrival. Thirty seconds later we hammered to a stop outside the ER and wheeled out on the gurney into the ER trauma unit. I gave the doctors a rundown of what happened and all the details they would need, I sat still as they told me to keep applying pressure to the wound and I would be going to the OR with them and then released once clamps were applied. I had the cannula ripped out my arm and bandaged up quickly and a face shield put over my hat, surgical drapes were put over us both as we were wheeled up to the OR and I kept whispering to Parker to stay strong and we would see him in a couple of hours. After five minutes I was released from the OR and I headed to the bathroom to try and wash as much blood from my hands as possible – the whole front of my uniform and vest was saturated and I had blood on my face and hair and even my trouser legs were covered in it – I looked like I had just been in a slaughter house. I looked in the mirror and took a deep breath; checking my weapon didn't have any ammo in the barrel, I put it into the patients clothing bag and sealed it up with a set of handcuff ties before heading out the bathroom and down to the waiting room.

The nurses had kept the room empty after seeing the state of me covered in blood and offered a set of scrubs and shower kit if I needed it – I refused knowing the SIU was going to want all my gear in the next couple of hours anyway. I took the bottle of water they offered after they found out I had donated on the way over and slid down the wall and landed on the floor; I looked up and saw in the mirror the massive red streak I had left against the wall as I slid down. Bringing up my knees, I rested my head and started the sniper breathing technique to calm myself down so I could explain once the others arrived.

"Mac – we are coming up the main entrance – where are you?" a voice came over the comms unit.

"Emm, seventh floor, east wing – surgical department," I replied.

Two minutes later I heard them out in the corridor asking where I was and then the door opened and they all came in; they took the scene of me sitting on the floor covered in blood and Jules had to leave the room.

"Mac – are you alright?" Sam asked as he knelt beside me.

"Greg's surgery is going well according to the last update and the body of the shooter has been transported to the morgue by the SIU. Ed, my weapon is in the clothes bag – can you secure if for me?" I replied.

"Done and secured with Jules – are you alright?" Ed demanded.

I stayed silent and looking at a point on the wall to keep myself focused on the job now at hand and what SIU would be asking me.

"Mackenzie where are you hurt, you're bleeding!" Ed hissed as he saw my wrist.

He looked at Sam and he shook his head at him.

"Ed she's slipped into medic mode and you won't get answers!" Sam whispered.

Sam had to put on gloves to help me up since I was unable to remove my clothes, I was exhausted and we still had to go back to the barn to debrief and follow the SIU investigation team's questions. The door opened and the nurse handed me another bottle of water and told me to drink it to replace my fluids – I complied since I was feeling like crap.

Ed stepped out and talked to the medical team who were getting reports from the OR and he seemed satisfied to allow Jules to stay here while I headed back to the barn to wash up; I grabbed a blanket and wrapped it around myself to protect the evidence from the uniform and also the backseats of the Humvee – blood was a nightmare to get out of fabric! Sam took me by the elbow and lead me to the elevator where Spike was holding it open after parking up – he looked horrified at me and I was fighting back tears as the adrenaline was wearing off – Sam recognised that and he moved us quicker through the crowd that was forming.

Ten minutes later I was in the back of the transport and looking out the window, I was still praying that Parker was going to make it and make a full recovery – infection and blood loss were the biggest problems for his recovery and I had donated roughly two pints in short time and needed time to recovery myself. I was handed another bottle of water and sipped it – if I drank anymore I was going to need a stop at the bathroom on the way to the barn. Ed took glances at me as he drove and Spike was sitting in the front with him as Sam kept a close eye on me in case I took a turn due to shock.

"You need to keep your fluids up and we will get you something easy to eat once you're cleaned up. You did great with the boss – I know because of your care he will survive." He whispered.

"Sam how is she doing – how's her reaction?" Spike adds as he contacts Jules for an update via text message.

"I'm alright guys, I'm just tired," I whisper.


	3. Chapter 3

SIU are waiting for me at the front entrance and I have to walk past Winnie and Keira, Team Three and the Commander covered in my boss's blood; they are all looking at me, noticing the amount of blood covering my body and wondering what the hell happened on the routine background check. I followed their lead into the main briefing room and looked at them as the screens were closed and the metal shutters were locked down over the door.

Three hours later I was released from the room and I was wrapped up in another blanket and headed straight for the shower room to get cleaned up; I grabbed my bag and started to strip off my thermals right in the shower – gasping as I felt a ripping sensation through my arm and noticed the gouge a bullet had made as it went past me. I sucked a deep breath and just went under the water and started to cry.

A while later I was finished changing and had slapped on a dressing onto my arm to stop the blood from making too big a mess, I took my bag and headed outside and saw a few people still out there waiting on me; I stopped and then sighed as they came forward and each hugged me in thanks for saving his life. My team was just finishing debriefing and talking to the Commander about what had happened as I walked into the room and leaned against the wall. Ed looked up and nodded – Parker had survived his surgery and was resting.

"Mackenzie, you performed another miracle and saved his life – now get home and rest, only if you are well enough you can come in tomorrow alright?" Commander Halloran whispered.

"Yes Sir, I'll be here," I replied.

I got hugs from everyone and Spike took my hand as we headed out the door and towards the car so we could go home, I pulled him to the side and hugged him hard as I shook from exhaustion. He wrapped me up in his jacket and put me in the car as he asked me if I wanted anything to eat.

"No, I need to go back to the hospital – found a nice gouge that needs treated – didn't feel it until I had the shower." I replied lifting my sleeve.

"Hospital it is then!" he replied.

An hour later I was sitting in a cubicle with a mini IV in my arm putting some fluids and antibiotics through my system; the gouge had been cleaned out and left open due to the size of it – it would heal better as a packed wound rather than the stitches. The doctor came in and did a double take as he saw me on the chair; he closed the curtain and tapped my shoulder to rouse me.

"Corporal Fraser – good to see you again."

I looked up and recognised him from the Ice Arena nearly ten months ago and also from earlier today; he had worked in my team as a junior doctor and had been one of the best medics I had seen for a good while.

"Brian, how are you – how's the training going?" I asked giving him a hug.

"Great thanks, nearly done and then I am going full time military. I heard you were the miracle worker this morning, I have an update for you about your boss – it's all positive news Mac!" he replied.

I nodded and text everyone to give them the info about Parker – I got a text back from Ed asking me why the hell I was at the hospital again when I should be at home resting – I didn't answer that one.

"Can I go up and see him before I leave?" I inquired.

"Your test results came back and you are seriously anaemic, did your wound bleed excessively?" he inquired.

"No I had to do an emergency transfusion – approx. two pints to help him stabilize enroute to the hospital. I didn't really have time to recoup afterwards due to SIU protocol and still having a loaded firearm on me. Can I go see him Brian?" I asked again.

"You're going to be admitted for tonight to monitor your test results – the transfusion was a great idea but nearly two pints is a lot of blood to lose quickly and the adrenaline rush didn't help either. I know you won't stay in the room, so I have moved a comfy chair into Sergeant Parker's room and we can treat you in there too. I've informed your colleague outside and he is calling you out of your shift tomorrow." He replied.

I nodded and then let him re-attach the IV line into my hand and he wheeled me outside since I had morphine and was not allowed to walk myself, Spike followed us up in the lift and a few minutes later we were in Parkers room and I sat beside him. He was intubated and hooked up to IVs, monitors and blood transfusion system; his vitals were strong and his results looked promising. The doctor came back in with blankets for us both and started up the meds for the IV for both Parker and myself. I had tears going down my face and I looked up at Spike as he laid his hand on my shoulder. He was teary too.

"I thought there was a rule that the boss never got shot – is it not in the rulebook somewhere?" I said trying to cheer us up.

He laughed back gently and pulled me into him on the chair so we could cuddle up and keep watch on Parker together, he kissed the top of my head and cuddled me closer as we both wept for our fallen friend and adopted dad.

I woke up the next morning with a fresh bag of clothes beside the chair and a note from Spike telling me that the boss had a good night and Marina would be arriving after midday – she was desperate to see me and find out what happened. I checked the clock and noticed it was after 10am – the longest I had slept in a good while. Grabbing my gear I went for a hot shower and grabbed some breakfast and headed back to the room to find the doctors in there dealing with a struggling Greg; I dropped my bag and pushed my way to his bedside and took his hand – he was fighting the intubation and he needed to calm down so they could remove it safely.

"Boss, calm down for me – look at me, concentrate on me for a moment – it's alright – your safe. Okay – take a deep breath when I say and then as the tube is coming out – expel the air as hard as possible alright?" I said as he calmed down.

He nodded and blinked in response and squeezed my hand, I squeezed back and checked with the doctors if they were ready to go ahead – since they knew who I was they didn't object to me helping out. I nodded for Parker to take a deep breath and then expel as the tube came out and he coughed like crazy – seconds later he took a massive lungful of oxygen from the mask and his colour improved dramatically. I squeezed his hand as I relayed his vitals to the nurse and helped clean him up a bit and get settled. I was crying again out of relief and laughing as well – mixed emotional baggage!

"Greg, I'm going to give you a few minutes privacy alright as they need to check you out – I'm going to call the team and let them know you're awake alright. Marina is on her way; she should be here in a couple of hours!"

He grabbed my hand and squeezed it and pulled me forward to him gently; I moved closer and bent down as he tried to speak. I started laughing my head off and nodded as I wiped my eyes; the doctor and nurse just looked at me and thought I must be mad.

"Yes Greg – they are still attached and Marina can vouch for them!" I replied walking out.

I headed to the coffee shop and grabbed a few bottles of squash and made a quick call to Winnie who patched me into the team who were out doing patrol; it was Ed who picked up and he sounded frustrated.

"Ed, the boss is awake – yes I am aware – no it was just a small ricochet wound – yeah I got the message and will pass it on – yeah I will arrange it – be careful!" I said as I got my ear chewed off.

I headed back upstairs to the surgical department and found the boss resting comfortably while the nurses fussed over him – I hid a grin as I sat down beside him and he turned to look at me – I smiled a little and patted his arm.

"Are you in pain – do you need anything?" I asked.

"No, just really tired and thirsty – can I get a drink?" he asked.

"Sorry boss – how about some ice chips and some warmed IV fluid instead – it's going to be a few days before you can eat again." I replied.

He nodded and the nurse continued her duties giving him his medications; I was tearing up again and wiped my eyes on my sleeve – I felt fingers on my arm and looked over – he was crying too.

"Boss – are you alright?" I asked alarmed at his pale face.

"I am sorry for putting you through that Mac – it happened within seconds and I reacted!" he whispered.

The SIU had completed their investigation and gone over the evidence provided by CCTV and witnesses – there was no blame for anyone and we had stayed within the law. Parker was cleared too as he followed protocol and was attacked outside – that's when I rushed in and took out the attacker.

"You scared the crap out of me Greg – you guys are my only family and you died on me twice yesterday – that's the only thing that could trigger me now – losing you guys!" I replied.

"And don't you dare apologise – this wasn't your fault!" I replied suddenly.

I squeezed his hand tighter and dried his face and mine, can't have two of the SRU crying in the hospital; I looked up suddenly and found Dean and Marina standing there – I got up immediately and winked at Parker.

"Hey guys – guess who decided to wake up and grace us with his presence!"

I hugged Marina as Dean went straight for his dad and hugged him gently, she would barely let me go and just whispered 'thank you' in my ear. I smiled and let her go across to him and grabbed my bag.

"Boss – you're in good company now alright – I'll come back with the team tonight after shift and bring you some stuff back," I said laughing as he looked at me.

He nodded and I headed out and got to the elevators before the relief waterworks hit me like a ton of bricks and I slumped onto the floor crying. Before I knew it the doors opened and I had managed to pull myself together and head out to where the car was – the last thing I needed people to see was me breaking down and it spreading around the hospital every time I walked in. I sucked in the cold air and drove home as quickly as possible and dealt with what appeared to be the normal stuff in life – the mail, housework and the start of dinner tonight for us. Later that afternoon I headed to the shops and grabbed some ingredients for a recipe that Spike's mom gave me; I had wanted to try it out for a while and now was the best chance as we had downtime tomorrow. I decided to pick up a couple of bottles of wine too and some chocolate – hell I was entitled to it after this week!


	4. Chapter 4

Much later in the afternoon I heard the tyres crunch on the gravel over the sound of my piano playing, I was feeling off and trying to cheer myself up with some music and had this tune in my head for weeks now – thankfully I found it online and printed the music off and just adapted it to my needs. I was just starting the chorus when the front door opened and in walked Spike looking exhausted, I could feel him at the back of me and he just started to sing softly behind me. I joined in and went through the second and third verse softly as he laid his hands on my shoulder and suddenly hugged me. I looked up at him and he was covered in bruises and had a gash on his head – I hadn't heard the news all day to being busy – I spun around in the chair and took his face in my hands and did a quick check of him.

"Are you alright – what happened?" I demanded sitting him down.

He smiled at me and grinned – his little lost boy charm came out in spades and I fell in love with the crinkled nose again as he kissed me. It must have been one hell of day but ended well as he was in a good mood.

"Three bomb callouts – everyone is safe and we are meeting up at the hospital in an hour – do you want to come?" he whispered kissing me.

I nodded and hugged him hard, three bomb calls in one week was bad enough, but three in one day was taxing as hell and he looked like he had been through the ringer. I got him upstairs to get a hot shower and a beer and I headed down and just got the rest of dinner made – twenty minutes later he was munching away at it with a massive smile on his face.

"You been talking to my aunt and mom again?" he asked cleaning his plate.

"Possibly – she is addicted to Skype and we have a couple of things in common!" I replied washing up his plate.

He got up and kissed me, I wiped off a smudge of sauce from the corner of his mouth and gave him a kiss as he helped me clean the table. A few minutes later I had grabbed the car keys and we headed to the hospital to meet everyone and find out how Parker was doing with his forced rest. I decided to drive to give Spike a rest and we made good time coming across the bridge since the traffic was light. Parking up in the multi-story we headed to the surgical department and I did a check on everyone – minor bumps and bruises on Sam and Wordy but nothing major to report which was good news. Parker was sitting up on his bed resting comfortably when we arrived and had a big smile across his face as we all came in and started to wind him up. Since he was on water only to ease his system back into food and liquids – we toasted him in squash and wished him a fast recovery.

"The best news we decided to keep till last – thanks to someone shoving their thumb into my artery, I will make a full recovery and should be back to full duty within two months!" Parker said as he smiled at me.

"Great news boss – enjoy the drugs now as the Physio for your wound will be a nightmare – and for the love of all things holy – don't do this to us again!" I replied.

"I'll do my best – I am so proud of you all – this was no-one's fault – just a random incident that went south – I blame no one and I thank everyone that I am still here." He whispered.

I had been thinking over the last 24 hours about what had happened, I realised that I was distracted recently and off centre – I didn't know why but it caused Parker to get shot – I was now a liability to these guys.

"It was my fault boss – your side-lined because of my mistake!" I said back.

"This was not your fault Mac, SIU cleared you and the boss – it was a random act of violence that the guy paid for with his life – you made sure of that!" Ed said back.

"One of the team should have been with us boss – someone with a lot more tactical training and experience – I'm just a nurse who has tactical training – I wasn't there to back you up when you needed me! I missed the signs of what was going to happen because I had other things on my mind for the last week – I am a liability right now…"

"Mac – without you on this team – I would be dead right now – you used your training and skills to save my life, and the life of your team everyday – that takes courage and a little bit of your soul. The boss would be dead if you hadn't been there – we need you on the team." Sam replied.

I turned to them all and shook my head – I was feeling more and more off centre and I didn't like it – maybe that had just rattled me as it was close to home and I just needed to get it out of my system but I was rattled badly and I had no idea why.

"Rest easy boss alright – see you in the morning!" I said heading out.

Everyone turned to Spike who was looking lost – he knew something was up and just thought I was rattled due to the incident but didn't know that I was seriously thinking of leaving the team due to the mistake.

"Spike, what's going on in her head – is she alright?" Ed demanded outside the room.

"I don't know what's going on; she was scared of what happened – what she thinks she caused because she missed the signs. Let me talk to her and we can have a brief with the team tomorrow alright – I think she is just tired and drained – you know how these events can hit everyone differently – she hasn't slept properly in a few days – maybe time for her to get checked out again."

Ed nodded and Spike headed in the direction I went through the doors but I was long gone; he kept looking for me within the hospital grounds and I didn't even take the car – he had no idea where I went.

I went out through the side entrance and grabbed my rucksack from the car that had some supplies I needed – I was heading for an emotional crash after what had happened in London and yesterday. I needed time to process things alone and I was not burdening people with the fallout so I had organised the rest of my holidays for the last year to be taken from tomorrow for ten days – that should give me time to get things dealt with. I needed peace and quiet and decided to make plans to go to the old gun house we practiced in during the renovations – it was a remote place, insulated and provided cover from the elements – I could easy start a fire if necessary for heat. It would take me about three hours to get there on foot so that was enough time for me to get some stress relief in isolation in the woods – plenty of fresh air.

Spike stopped at the top of the car park and pulled out his phone, hitting speed dial he got an answer within seconds and explained what had happened; agreeing to meet up with the other caller he jumped into his car and headed down the main ramp exit and round to the front of the hospital to pick up his passenger. He was livid at himself; he spotted the signs himself and just mistook them for tiredness.

"She hasn't been sleeping right for days – nearly for a month and her appetite is way below what it should be. She takes her meds and the tests have all come back clean; she doesn't drink, smoke or do any kind of painkillers – I knew she had a rough time of it in London at the MOD, but she has never talked about it." He hissed at himself.

"This isn't your fault Spike – with Toth gunning for her, the MOD breathing down her neck and now the Sarge being injured – her emotional state and rational thinking are all over the place. She has followed the rules to perfection – sometimes it's the smallest thing that can trigger you – it was a golf ball for me!" Ed replied thinking about the Scorpio shot gone wrong last year.

"Nearly a full year – a full year without any issues…she must be so disappointed in herself – we need to find her quickly before she disappears." He croaked, his voice stressed.


	5. Chapter 5

I climbed the stairs of the smokehouse and headed into the empty room and put down my rucksack, the bottles clinked inside and I was glad I decided to come here for privacy – this place wasn't due to be used again for a few weeks and I would probably need a couple of days to camp out here. I slid down the wall and stretched my feet; it had been a really long walk and I am sure I added at least four miles to it after getting disorientated when I tripped over a tree stump and rolled down a ravine. I grabbed the bottle of vodka from my bag and had a long drink from it – it had been years since I had even had a beer and the alcohol burned all the way down into my stomach. I knew this wasn't going to be fun for me, emotional trauma was always the worst for PTS sufferers and dealing with the workload and everything else that had happened in recent months was just getting on top of me. I rolled out my bag and wrapped myself up in it as I kept on drinking to numb out the pain.

Sam and Wordy had joined the others at the 'Barn' and left Jules to stay with Marina and Dean at the hospital; they all had noticed differences in me over the last couple of weeks and when they all told each other of what they had seen – it all clicked into place.

"So this isn't a PTS thing?" Wordy asked as he watched Spike pace.

"No, it's related to PTS but considering the amount of traumatic events she has been involved in during her lifetime and then her thinking she got the boss shot – her brain is shutting itself down to try and cope with the raw emotions she is feeling. This is the flipside of her medications, it's rare and her shrink warned me and Greg about its symptoms – we just assumed that because she had been symptom free for a year – she would never experience this trauma." Ed replied.

Spike had grabbed his laptop and started typing up a programme quickly; everyone looked at him surprised when he whooped for joy, he spun the screen round to everyone and showed the red dot on the map.

"Is that a GPS location marker – Mac?" Sam asked.

"Yeah – I made it for her in the event she was in trouble and needed time alone – it's just so I knew she was alright. She must have known something was wrong when she started to run and activated it; she is at the old smokehouse – we need to get up there quickly before the weather sets in!" he replied.

All four of the men scrambled out of their seats and grabbed some gear and blankets they knew they would need due to the severe weather change that was happening in the country. They jumped into the SUV and Sam hit the accelerator with venom and they screamed down the interstate trying to make up as much time as they could since it would take over half an hour to get there at top speed on the roads.

I was curled up on the floor crying – I had got my boss and friend shot because I wasn't quick enough to help him, I wasn't experienced or trained enough to support him. I was stupid going for this assignment – I am a nurse! A pathetic weak nurse who should have stayed in the UK and not interfered in the lives of these people I love as family. I had gone through both bottles of vodka in really quick time and was on my third – I hadn't slept properly in weeks since I heard from the MOD that Toth was being assigned to Toronto permanently and would have direct access to the SRU Psych Evaluations on a yearly basis.

My life on the SRU top team would be over soon – he would ensure that after hearing about this case. I had brought my firearm and medication with me – I left Spike a note in his locker – everything in my head was just spinning and I was so tired and dizzy after that fall. I didn't know what to do, what to think – how to feel without wanting to scream. The storm started and I watched as the thunder and lightning started seconds before the rain broke; I got up and slid out the top window and landed on my side in the mud pile – maybe it was quicker just to go through hypothermia?

The SUV slammed around a corner and onto the dirt track that led to the old training range up the small hill; Spike had told them that I was on the move and it was clear where I was going. Sam sped up and slammed on his breaks once he hit the furthest gate from the house, grabbing his gear he turned to Spike who was putting in the details for the GPS and jumped out the SUV followed by everyone else.

"She's maybe 500 meters in front of us in the woods and she is all over the place – take her down whatever way is necessary!" Ed shouted over the rain.

"This is her tranquilizer, upper arm or hip and she will be out within a couple of minutes – make no mistake she will fight you – but hopefully she is aware enough to know that we are there to help and caught on to the issue."

They all nodded and started to run up the small ramp in the direction I had walked earlier on; they knew this was going to be bad – but after everything I had been through recently and the progress I had made in the team – they were sure as hell not losing me to something well out with my control – something a stupid chemical imbalance creates!


	6. Chapter 6

I was sitting on a fallen tree trunk overlooking the river that was swelling to nearly double its size, I was in and out of lucidity and my stomach was protesting the horrible burning feeling the alcohol had left. I knew what I needed – Spike – where was he? Did he get my note that explained what I was feeling, how screwed up I felt after letting the boss get shot – he hopefully figured it out. I thought I could hear everyone's voices in the woods – Spike didn't like the woods, his 'people' didn't have good luck in them – I showed him how 'lucky' he could get in the woods back in Scotland – that changed his attitude and still brought a grin to every sweep we had to do in the woods now.

I could hear him now over the sounds of the water and rain; he was calling my name over and over like when we were playing hide and seek – I felt tears burn my eyes and sent a prayer up for him and the team that this wouldn't be to traumatic for them.

A shadow stopped at the edge of the river and clicked his comms unit; he spotted a lone figure sitting on a tree trunk crying in the rain and leaning to one side as if she was hurt.

"Guys, I've got her and I'm going for the shot!"

He moved quickly behind the figure and the shape turned round suddenly and gasped – looking down she saw the needle in her arm and he wrapped his arms around her as she fought.

"NO, leave me alone!" I screamed.

I was slammed into the floor and held against the man's chest as I fought for every ounce of strength I could gather – it wasn't enough and I banged my clenched hand against his chest feebly. I looked up at him and he was crying himself – Wordy – always the strong one never cried.

"Mackenzie – don't you dare do this again!" he whispered as he rolled me to the side and checked my vitals.

I lay on my side and gasped air through my tears and burning stomach; I could see the shapes of three others coming out from the woods and felt the soft fabric of a compression dressing going onto my shoulder. The others knelt beside and wrapped me up in the thermal blankets before picking me up and racing through the woods with me towards the smokehouse; it was a short walk from here, maybe five minutes, but with every bump along the way I wanted to be sick and scream. I was put into the back of the car between the two other men and wrapped up in dry blankets and slowly heated back up with aid of the heating system. I looked at myself in the middle mirror and saw my eyes roll back and blackness.

I could hear voices in the distance and they were talking about me. How they knew something was wrong but didn't say anything about the signs; how they now blamed themselves for not stepping in and asking for guidance on what they saw – it was a literal landmine situation and I was the cause of it. I tried to focus in on a single voice but I couldn't hear him, I wanted to know if Spike was there or he had decided to leave – I was confused and sore.

I felt a strange numbness go through my arm, the slight burn of a powerful painkiller being introduced into my body – why did I need a painkiller? I tried to wake up fully, to latch onto one voice – it was still useless and I felt the darkness draw me back in.

More voices this time, they were concerned about me – my recovery to wake was taking longer than they liked and all the scans showed was normal with no damage – the other voice was familiar but I couldn't catch the owners rhythm.

I tried to move my fingers – pain and then darkness.

"Why is she taking so long to wake up – she shouldn't be taking this long?" a voice demanded.

"Spike, her brain is processing everything that has happened, she has a massive emotional trauma to work through and the best thing her body can do for her is let her sleep. This is no-one's fault; we were warned about this and the signs were there clear as day, but since she had been A-symptomatic for months – we didn't act quickly enough. She has everyone's support son – that is the least we can do for our family." The voice replied.

It was Parker and Spike – the voices I longed to hear and see them again – darkness called and then flashes of memories interrupted the peaceful place I was in.

Blood, pain and destruction – lost friends and family; helping friends during calls and treating their injuries after workout and drills. I knew my body couldn't move on the bed but inside I was screaming and clawing my way through every memory I had and fighting for my sanity. I could hear Spike whisper in my ear to be strong, to fight for us both and to remember that I am loved and wanted. I screamed in my head and went full out in my dreams.

I saw bright lights as I opened my eyes slowly, it must have been during the day as the corridor outside was busy with nurses and other patients wandering about. I took a deep breath and then suddenly gasped as I sat upright and let out a strangled cry and burst out into tears. I dragged my knees to my chest and rolled onto my side as I cried in pain and exhaustion – I knew now that the dreams were artificial – they must have induced a medical coma to keep my functions intact after the head wound I got from the ravine fall. I heard the slide doors open and a nurse came running in at the sound of the monitor alarms going crazy; she tried to soothe me and hit the button for the doctor to come in. He did a few quick checks and kneeled down beside me.

"Mackenzie – I know this is really difficult to deal with and it must be incredibly scary – do you want something to sedate you?" he whispered.

I shook my head and groaned as I moved my shoulder; he did a quick check and ordered some more painkillers to ease off the spasms going through my body. He got the nurse to put it through the IV line and I felt the drugs hit my system; they had put in a small amount of sedative to ease off the wild emotions I was caught in and I felt more relaxed as they eased me on my back and reattached the monitor lines and pulled the blankets back up. He made a few quick notes and gave the nurse orders to contact my next of kin and alert them to that fact that I was awake.

He looked back at me and smiled as he squeezed my hand and I closed my eyes.


	7. Chapter 7

I woke again to find out that I was not alone in the room; I jerked out of reflex and was instantly calmed by the soothing voice of my boss who was sitting next to me in the comfy seat. I looked at him and saw that he was looking so much better in such a short time and was mobile enough to walk without support. I looked at him in the face and he smiled as he took my hand and brushed the fringe off my face.

"I really need to get that damn fringe cut!" I whispered as my throat was rough.

He looked at me and laughed gently; I grinned slightly and tried to shuffle up the bed and get more comfortable.

"You look well boss – a couple of days in bed and you're looking stronger!"

"It's been more than a couple of days since I was shot Mac – it's been nearly two weeks. When you were brought to the hospital you suffered a seizure caused by your medication – it's a rare side effect and one we were warned about. The main thing is you are now awake and have made remarkable improvement over the last two days since you first opened your eyes again. How do you feel?" he whispered.

I knew it had been at most a couple of days but nearly two weeks was a huge time to be unconscious, I sat up straight as possible and winced at the strained feeling in my shoulder and massaged it.

"My head is clearer and I don't feel like I am hearing things through a drywall. Two weeks huh, induced coma to keep my functions intact?"

He nodded and passed me my medical chart – he knew me well and that I would want to know what was happening and happened over the last few days. I leaned back and looked at him, the test results were coming back cleaner than before – but what worried everyone was that I was hypothermic and drunk when I was found – I don't remember the drink too much?

"You have been sober for over ten years – why?" he asked.

I looked at him, my eyes cloudy – the one thing we shared was being a recovered alcoholic – he wanted answers.

"It always numbed me out when I was younger, maybe I just…..i don't know to be honest boss – I don't know what was going through my head!" I replied honestly.

He took my hand and squeezed it tightly.

"And that is the right answer I needed to hear from you. The team are due in from a call in a couple of minutes – Spike has dibs – he's been a nightmare recently," he replied.

"I am so sorry!" I whispered.

"Not your fault and we need to discuss this later on with Spike – you two are at the stage of going either forward or separate – he can't take this stress – he needs to know you won't leave him like others have!"

I was just about to speak when I heard a noise and looked at the door; I was still very pale and the shock of my dark hair against my skin reminded him of the girl out of the film 'the ring'.

"You're awake – how long?" he said grinning.

"About ten minutes – are you alright?" I said pointing to his hands.

"Yeah, stupid accident with a rope nothing major to report – boss!" he whispered back.

"She's good for visitors, be gentle!" he whispered to him.

I watched the boss leave and Spike come in looking pale; I knew this whole issue was killing him inside and even though we had planned for it as requested; it still hit hard. He came over to me and lowered the bed rails; within seconds he had his shoes off and climbed into the bed with me and pulled me close to him – he let me settled and wrapped the blanket over me to cocoon me in the warmth.

I snuggled into him and took his hand and wrapped my fingers around his; the deep grating sobs just came out of me from nowhere and I couldn't control them. They just wracked my body over and over and he just held me tightly to keep me from running away.

"This is not your fault Mac – we were warned about this and we took precautions – no-one blames you – the medical tests prove that you had no control of what happened!" he whispered.

Parker came back in with a doctor at the sound of the monitor alarm going off and checked my vital signs – my heart rate was going crazy and I felt like I was hyperventilating on the spot. I could hear them all telling me to calm my breathing down; it would work for a moment then I would get another round of pure emotion and start off on another cycle. The doctor called the nurse and within moments he was injecting something into my hand and Spike had to take some of my weight as I zoned out.

"Sorry guys, she had to be sedated – if you want to stay then please do – it would be good for her to waken up with a familiar face beside her. The drug will keep her calm overnight – don't expect an easy few days as this was a severe reaction." The doctor whispered as he wrote on the notes.

Spike and Parker looked at me lying on the bed – I looked like the young girl they saw from my family albums taken before the accident that claimed the life of my family. Parker and Spike both took a hand and sat on opposite sides of my bed.

"Is she going to be alright boss – she had her weapon and all her meds up there – she was delusional – she could have killed herself!"

"We know what happens – she is off all her medication and will have a traumatic couple of weeks due to withdrawal – she will get passed this with our help and support." Parker replied.

Spike squeezed my hand and lay his head down on the bed.


	8. Chapter 8

**A month later**

I ran steadily along the surface as I listened to my IPod; it was up as high as possible and I was alone in the gym with the others not arrived yet for the workout before shift. The music was a mix of rock, metal and other pieces I had found online.

_'It's not safe here anymore, there's too much damage to ignore._  
_I've spun in circles, I'm confused. If no one wins, does no one lose?'_

I hit the treadmill and it switched to the second incline to give my legs a workout after the month of medical downtime forced upon me after being released from hospital.

_'We never learned to bend, so we break and break again.  
And now we're broken in. Too many pieces to mend. Too many pieces to mend.'_

I tried to compartmentalise everything going on. What had happened with the mental and emotional breakdown, the thought of suicide – drinking again with OTC drugs? I shuddered and hit the next incline and sped up.

_'It was never my intent to be the Eve that makes you sin.  
I fire temptation, you gave in.'_

I thought of Spike; the love of my life and what he must have been going through these last 18 months – falling for the new girl and finding out she is a nutjob and the clinical shrink who nearly destroyed their team has a personal beef with her? I was surprised Spike didn't walk – I would not have blamed him if he had – it was a LOT to handle – but he was still there.

I took a small drink of water and sped up again, the sweat was pouring off me as I ran to a heavier song. It was what I needed at this moment and I just closed my eyes and went full out on the treadmill as I pulled the straps on my top to secure my chest and make sure my breasts weren't bouncing around the place too much.

A single figure came round the corner and greeted Winnie who was on duty overnight as dispatcher, since the other team was out on a call he thought he was the only one in really early – it was only 3.45am. He spotted that Winnie was keeping an eye on the gym; he went over to her and asked what was up.

"Mackenzie has been here since just after 1am – she has been running since twenty past one – she won't stop for me and she needs to take a break as she has already fallen off twice. She is alright as far as I can see – just very focused on something." She whispered.

He nodded and let her get back to what she was doing for the team on call; he headed over to the gym and watched from the free weight area. I had my eyes closed again and was running like my life depended on it. He noticed that I was no longer shy of showing off my back and that I had lost the added weight that being in hospital makes you put on and then some extra pounds as well. I was not a slim figure – full figured but fit and more than capable to kick ass when required. He dropped his bag on the floor and noticed that Ed had arrived too and was walking over to him – he went over and stopped him.

"What's up Greg?" he said as he saw his friends face.

He looked into the gym and saw me running with my eyes closed, I wasn't strictly due back until tomorrow but I was going nuts in the house and there was only so much baking, gardening and cleaning up I could do.

"She looks exhausted again boss – what she doing here early?"

"Winnie says she arrived at the back of one and has been running since – not sure if it's because Spike is working with Team two this week or something is going on in that head of hers – go get changed, I'll have a chat with her." Greg said.

He walked over to where I was running and leaned back against the other treadmill; he knew better than to startle someone who was in the zone while working out – it didn't lead to good things!

I knew someone was beside me and I opened my eyes and looked to my left; he stood there and smiled gently as I continued to run. I rolled my eyes and stared back at the wall and pulled out my earphones.

"Can I help with something boss?" I inquired.

"Stealing my lines now huh – that's normally Ed's job or Jules when she is annoyed at me for some reason." He quipped back grinning.

"I've been away for over a month and needed to get back to work, I won't go out on calls if you don't want me too – but I have a huge amount of paperwork to do – is that why you're talking to me right now – wondering why I am in early?" I inquired back.

He looked at me and then nodded to the treadmill controls.

"Think you can stop running for a while, your making me sweat just watching you work-out!" he asked calmly.

I looked at him and then started to slow down the programme and then jump onto the sides as the treadmill slowed to a stop; I jumped off and kept bouncing on my toes so the cramps wouldn't set in and I turned to him.

"Winnie told me you have been running solidly for over two hours – something on your mind that you want to talk about?" he asked as he passed me my water bottle.

I looked at him and shook my head as I took another swig of water, I was just trying to de-stress since Spike has been on nightshift all week with Team Two.

"Is there anything Mac; because you not talking to me freely after the recent events are causing me concern and with you coming back to work tomorrow – we need to know if there are any lingering issues."

"I'm fine boss, no need to worry your pretty little head – I'll meet everyone at the pool – I'm going to get some laps in to warm up!" I replied walking past him.

I headed past Winnie and glared at her as I shoved open the changing room doors; I grabbed my bag and headed down the side exit stairs and along the concealed corridor towards the SRU's purpose built swimming pool. I slammed open the changing room door and got changed quickly and tied my hair up tightly to keep it out the way.

We were due to underwater drills tomorrow due to finding out Sam was not the most water friendly member of our team and I needed the whole team to be at least proficient to Open Water Diver status. I climbed up the short stairs and walked along the middle board and stretched my spine to be ready to hit the water – I took a deep breath and jumped into the water and bounced off the bottom of the pool.

I started doing some lengths of the water and felt the stress going out my shoulders.


	9. Chapter 9

Greg and Ed had got themselves changed just in time for the other team to come off duty and drag themselves in after a tough night on duty; thankfully they both noticed there was no harm to anyone and they were just needing a hot shower, breakfast and a good sleep. Spike came in last and grinned at everyone standing there, one look at Greg's face and he knew something was wrong; he walked over and both the older officers pulled him into the room.

"What's happened?" he demanded.

"Easy Spike, nothing is wrong – just more a concern about behaviour we have noticed this morning?" Greg replied.

Spike was confused; he wasn't acting weird or anything and really needed to go home and slide into bed beside me.

"Are you aware that Mac is here this morning – has been since one?"

Spike shook his head and replied he didn't know, he had no contact with me all night and had figured that I was sleeping deeply since I had a bout of insomnia again. He told them both that the withdrawal was over and the shrink had cleared me to go back onto duty; the only thing he had noticed is that my appetite was still really low and I was constantly away jogging or swimming.

"You said she was here – where?" Spike asked looking about.

"She got a little pissed off and is currently in the pool doing some lengths – think we need to go and have a chat with her – find out what's on her mind and work it out?" Ed replied.

Spike took off at a run and a minute later was entering the poolside and watched me as I swam in the huge pool; I had my scuba tanks on and was diving, placing the markers required for tomorrow in the mystery map formation I had come up with six months ago. He watched as I moved under the water and started to take off his gear and sit beside the pool to watch in case anything happened. I was oblivious to him being there as I was calm underwater doing a job I loved and didn't have much chance of doing in the SRU. I swam up a few feet from the bottom and checked the map formation one last time and broke the surface of the water a few moments later. I pulled my goggles down around my neck and inflated my vest to support the weight of the tanks. A voice called my name and I turned around in the pool and sighed – 'shit – what is he doing here?'

"Mac – you're supposed to be resting and off duty until tomorrow," he asked.

I swam over to the side of the pool and took his hand as he raised me out of the water; I grabbed a towel and wrapped myself up to keep warm as the poolside arena was freezing cold due to the weather.

"Mac can you please tell me why you are working yourself to exhaustion? Why you are constantly working out and have no appetite – has something happened and you can't tell us?" he whispered as he pulled me to the changing rooms.

I looked at him and ran my hands through my hair as I paced gently back and forth; it was infuriating as I knew what I needed but I was afraid to ask for their help after all the crap in the last few months. A set of hands stopped me in track and pulled me into him; I slipped my arms around his back and sighed.

"I got word from the MOD regarding the inquest in London; Toth has been cleared of all charges and has been re-assigned to a Marine base in Ottawa. He reported for living assignment three days ago." I replied.

One of my fears was getting removed from the team either by force or one of my now famous screw ups, it wasn't fun to admit but I apologised openly to everyone in the SRU as a group and explained the situation. They all have been so supportive and always open to speak about their own experiences and what helped them. Spike was looking at me and leaned back against the wall as every emotion went across my face and I sat on the floor and took a deep breath.

"Okay, so that asshole got cleared and has been assigned to a Marine base 500 miles away, he can't come after you or us again – the order from the Commander means if he comes within thirty miles of any of us – he is arrested and removed back to England." He replied kneeling down.

"It's not that easy Spike. He arrived with a group of SAS who I used to work with in Afghanistan, they were dishonourably discharged from service after causing some problems for me – including blaming me for killing their team leader," I replied.

He snapped his head up at that one; I rarely talked about my tours of duty as he knew they were painful reminders of what happened – but hearing that I worked with members of the SAS was a whole new world of pain. Spike knelt down in front of me and raised my chin up.

"I want you to go and get cleaned up and then we are going to Ed and the boss. We will figure this out, it is hopefully just coincidence that they are all here at the same time; if not – and then we will deal with it alright? I'll meet you in the briefing room in twenty minutes." He ordered.

I nodded and got off the floor and headed for a really hot shower to gather my thoughts and sort out what I would now need to explain to my team; this should have been sealed a couple of years ago but recent events now had brought everything to light and I would need to make a decision quickly. Twenty minutes later I headed back to the meeting room to see Spike, Ed and Parker talking; a set of footfalls behind me and I was hugged by Sam who had just arrived.

"You okay Mac, you're pale as hell!" he whispered stopping me.

I turned around to him and stopped him from walking; I nodded to a couple of other people walking past and pulled him to the side of the corridor. His body language changed and he clicked into military mode immediately as he caught my look and the group of people in the meeting room.

"It's time I told them Sam, I can't keep this to myself any longer – things have changed and I need to keep everyone safe!"

He looked straight into my eyes and sighed, this was going to be a really bad morning!

"This is massive and you don't have clearance for releasing this information to anyone outside the chain of command – you could be brought up on charges of Sedition and Treason if people found this out!"

I handed the letter I had received from the superiors and looked at him as he read it; he looked at me and groaned; he nodded and followed me over to the room and hit the shutters. Everyone looked at us and took a seat as I paced the floor for a moment to gather my thoughts and take a deep breath.

"Mackenzie – take a moment and then start," Sam whispered.

"I spent nearly eight years in Iraq and Afghanistan as part of the K-Bar operation and the rescue team in Iraq in 2006. As a nurse in the 205 Coy, you are trained in basic combat skills and weapon training; and I mean it is basic and the Browning and SA80 is all we are allowed to be trained in. As a female medic I should not even be on frontline duty, but I volunteered as I wanted to support people who risked everything to ensure our safety. The next six months I was put through advanced training and combat techniques and then deployed with a team of K-bar operatives as primary medic."

Everyone just sat there in silence.

"That's how I first met her, through the K-bar operation briefing. We were all taking bets on how long she would last as she was 18 years old and very new – she looked like a ghost for most of the first week and it took four of us in my team nearly a fortnight to get her out her shell." Sam chipped in.

Everyone bar Sam and me were stock still; Spike was just staring at us, Parker was catching flies with his mouth and Ed was glaring at me. One of the first comments he made towards me as he put me through my paces is that he thought I had SAS skills – I had laughed and made a joke about being a brownie and having wild skills in the hills.

"So – who trained you SAS or JTF2?" he demanded.

"SAS, with added support and instruction from JTF2 while in the sand – put it this way if they hadn't trained me – I would not have survived the bomb blast that killed my team." I replied.

I paced back and forth again and was getting agitated; this information was meant to be dead and buried, a part of history that was never meant to be known to anyone else in my life. Spike grabbed my hand as I passed and put me into the seat beside him as he saw that I was going into overdrive again and was becoming exhausted – it was a huge part of my life and was traumatic at the best – but I did feel like a weight came off my chest as I told them about it.

"Okay – so apart from the major secret ninja skills you have been trained with and that have really come into play with our job – anything else you need to inform us about? I'm just asking, in case I need to get your tranquilizers ready, in case you go off the rails again." He hissed.

I stared at Ed – did he just try and provoke me?

Sam stared at him too – anger flashed across his face.

Parker ordered him to 'shut up' and became quiet again.

Spike was livid at the nasty comment.

I leaned on the table and looked straight into his face.

"You are a moronic arsehole!" I hissed back.

"And you have done nothing but lie to us from day one and are a huge drain on my team! No lies, that is the one rule we have – you have done nothing but lie since coming to join us!" he yelled back in my face standing up.

Before I knew it I had punched him hard in the face and was walking out the room as quickly as the shutters opened; I heard the others race in as they heard the raised voices and I stormed upstairs to the commander's office – this was going to be a great conversation!


	10. Chapter 10

I took the stairs two at a time as i tried to control my anger, it was burning a hole in my chest and I had just done the unthinkable, I had just assaulted a member of my team!

I paced on the landing outside the corridor for a moment trying to breath again, getting my words into order for what i was going to ask - what i know was going to have to happen. I didn't want it to come to this, to have to leave them so suddenly, without a clue about what was going on and where i was. I managed to suck in some deep breaths and made my way through the secure door system and along the corridor to where our Chief's office was based on the top level; his assistant was away from his desk and I nodded to the others passing by the office entrance - it was now or never.

"Okay Mackenzie - you can do this!" i whispered to myself.

I had barely knocked on the door and a voice called me in, I entered and took a deep breath as I nodded to him.

"Constable Fraser – wonderful to see you again!" he said smiling.

"You too Sir - but unfortunately I am here to ask for time off; I just had to tell them about my past and training and I assaulted my team leader. I wish to be removed from active duty for a month and if things have settled down then with permission I will return as agreed with our superiors."

He looked at me and sat on his desk while crossing his arms; he had been briefed about my training background and had no issues with it as it supported the application – he was thankful that I had been honest from day one and it was still stinging to hear Ed accuse me of lying.

"Where are you going? I am aware of the letter the MOD sent you, JTF2 received one as well and have support on standby if required – Toth can't touch you or the teams if that's what is causing you grief!"

"Sir, I can't thank you and everyone enough for the support you have shown me – but I have a target on my back and it needs dealt with sooner than later. A month is all I need, I will use all my holidays if needed to cover and will submit to anything you want once I am back." I replied.

"I know you would Mackenzie, but are you sure this is neccessary? This is the last step protocol for you and it puts you straight back into hell; I don't want you to run if there is another option!" he said gently, taking in my pale skin.

"He'll use everything and everyone against me, his hate is that focused - I will not take the chance with their lives!" I replied.

He looked at me for a long moment then nodded; he made a quick call and handed me a piece of paper with an address on it; he put his hands on my shoulder and squeezed gently – he was worried.

"Be careful, for the love of everything holy, please be careful!" he whispered as i nodded.

"Shall I tell your team? What about Spike?" he whispered.

"No – it will be easier on them to just believe I left on temporary duty assignment and if anything did happen – well the army can deal with that." I replied.

I got a quick hug from Halloran and headed down the backstairs to the female change rooms, I could hear the others look for me and I quickly grabbed my bag and headed back through the concealed corridor. Shoving on my jacket I grabbed the keys and made a dash for the car and sped up the road seconds later.

An hour later the whole place had been searched and Parker was talking to Spike who was trying the GPS marker again; Ed was nursing one of the sorest noses he had ever had and Sam was pacing again in the room. Wordy had been called in by Parker and entered the room with a face like thunder – I always got on with Wordy and being the adopted baby sister along with Jules, he was very protective of his family. He walked over to Ed and slammed him against the back of the chair as he glared at him.

"What the hell did you do to her? She's run because of you!" he yelled.

"She ran because she was scared and didn't want us hurt Wordy!" Parker replied pulling the two men apart.

Wordy looked at Parker and shrugged as if saying 'what the hell you talking about?' Parker pointed to a seat and pushed the man into it.

"Sam – time for the full story!" he demanded while closing the doors again.

I had parked up nearly three hours later at the address Halloran gave me; it was the pre-arranged drop address if this issue ever arose and I had just left my team behind and drove through some of the worst weather on the planet to get to this area. I got out of the car and felt like I was under immediate threat within seconds, I dropped behind the car and pulled out my firearm – standing up I faced two men fully armed and aimed in my direction.

"O'Brian if that is you then I'm going to be really happy to see you!" I hissed over the adrenaline rush.

The man looked at me then slowly lowered his weapon in surprise, I am pretty sure I was the last person he expected to see again.

"Mackenzie – what the hell are you doing here?" he demanded.

I looked at him and sagged slightly, I was exhausted from the lack of sleep and workouts over the last week and I huffed out the adrenaline.

"I'm marked and need help – I'm heading back to the sand tomorrow and could use a hand to go after the men before they are deployed or go outlaw on my ass – you up for sunny climes?"

He looked at his partner and then me; making a quick call he gave me another address to drive us to and told me to explain everything that had happened over the last few months. A few minutes later after they grabbed their gear, we skidded out of the wooded path and back onto the highway – I looked in the back mirror and after willing the tears not to fall I hit the accelerator and settled for a long journey.


	11. Chapter 11

***Two months later**

I had gone back to Afghanistan.

I had gone back to the hellhole it was to find the people who wanted me dead, the squad I was with were protection detail while I worked in the different camps and on patrols – they realised that I needed to work to keep myself busy. I missed everyone and I knew that Halloran would keep his word and not tell anyone about what was going on; I wanted to contact Spike – explain things and let him know I was alright.

I was sitting under a tarp as it was the hottest part of the day and I was just catching up on some new medical breakthrough to do with GSWs trauma care, a man walked up to me and saluted since I was back to military rank, I stood up and took the letter from him and read it.

'2 KIA – 2 MIA – Safe to return home.'

I sunk back onto the sand and took a deep breath, it was the news I was waiting on for the last couple of days as a team of JTF2 went on a hunting expedition for my benefit after receiving Intel regarding Toth's team of renegades. I looked into the envelope and saw another piece of paper, it had the SRU symbol on it; I opened it up and saw Halloran had sent a note through unknown channels.

'Time to come home – your team need you back!'

I got off the sand and headed to the main Op tent and found the CO; asking for a few moments of his time I showed him the letter and he nodded in reply – I could leave that afternoon on a medevac lift to Germany and then fly to Toronto from Ramnstien. I wished everyone well and ran to my squat to get my duffle packed and say goodbye to friends I had made – they promised to keep in contact with me and let me know if they were coming to Canada for the trials in 2013 – they all were hugged stupid before I ran for the transport.

**Back in Toronto**

The team had just come off a really rough shift and were heading out the building to go to the Goose for a drink; they needed the downtime badly and thankfully they had the next two days off to recuperate. Halloran had come to congratulate them on a job well done and they all buffered Spike up who had been so quiet recently. Parker and Ed knew he hadn't been sleeping properly and were concerned that his state of mind could only be bad for him. He was stressed and depressed and just wanted to know where I was, no matter whom he contacted through official channels or friends – he didn't know where I was or if I was still alive?

"Buddy, you are coming out with us tonight! You don't need to drink if you don't want too, but we need to catch up and recuperate!" Ed whispered.

"I don't feel like it Ed, I'm just wanting to hit the showers and bed."

Ed watched as Spike shuffled to his car and slide in; he was beyond concerned now for his friend and pissed off at himself for letting things get so out of control two months ago – he didn't know what he was thinking.

"He's not coming out is he?" Jules said gently.

Ed turned around and watched as his protégé limped up beside him.

"He's borderline Jules – I think I have destroyed him with what I said to Mackenzie – it's been nearly three months – no word!" he replied.

His voice was cracked and he blinked the tears away; Jules laid her hand on his arm and pulled him away from watching Spike leave the car park and drive along the road.

**Three days later**

It was 8am and I knew the team were still at base after a call to Halloran came through to my cell phone; he was relieved to hear I was back in the country and unharmed – he advised me to come to the station and he would see me later that afternoon once he came back from a meeting. The team had been put on standby for some reason and they were all in the gym as I pulled up outside in the new SUV I had received from a friend. I could see them through the windows and everyone was laughing as two of them did a race through the equipment and were celebrating the winner. I headed through the side exit and up to the meeting room; I hadn't seen Parker in the gym and assumed he was in the briefing room organising the calls for this morning in case there was a warrant to serve today. The place was empty and I walked into the room and had a look around, the place had been updated with some new screens and furniture and the view over the water was amazing as usual.

I was standing there in my combats with my full Bergan on the floor beside me; I was so used to the weight of it that I forgot how bulky it was from the back view and I had just dumped it on the ground where it left a nice sand pile. I could hear footsteps behind me and voice call to me, asking if they could help me with something. It was Wordy. I turned around and he stood there in complete shock as I took a step towards him. The poor guys had never seen me in full Cammo gear and it was a lot different from our Tactical gear.

"Mac – what….where have you been?" he demanded.

"Sunny climes and brass bullets," I replied.

He burst into a run across the room and hugged me close, I flinched as he squeezed the newly healed scars and he noticed immediately. He checked my back and saw no blood, but I stopped him from checking further. He was about to shout for everyone to come into the room – I shook my head.

"No – I'll go down to them," I whispered.

We both headed down to the gym and I took a deep breath before Wordy made the entrance and got everyone's attention; they all looked at him and eventually just side stepped and I walked into their view. I was nervous and I knew this could go either one of two ways.

"Hey guys," I whispered.

Everyone just stopped and stared at me, I looked around and the only person who wasn't there was Spike. I clocked movement and Ed rushed me and picked me up in a bear hug and kept on whispering how sorry he was! Jules was next, along with Sam who was livid with me being in combats and had guessed where I could have been. Parker just walked over to me and pulled me into a hug and kept on telling me that I was 'never to do this to them again!'

"You went back to active duty didn't you?" Jules asked.

"Yeah, I had to draw them away from you guys which were successful. Two have been taken out; the other two are MIA and on the most wanted watch list – not like that will stop them from trying again. So that gives me a massive decision to make, and you guys are the deciding factor for me." I replied.

"What are you talking about – you're coming back to the team – we decided that weeks ago when you first left and found out that there were people after you! We know the risks, talked it over with everyone involved." Wordy replied.

I knew Halloran hadn't squealed about my location so them finding out about the men after me must have been Spike doing some digging and Sam contacting his sources. I looked at everyone and took a deep breath to control the adrenaline coursing through me.

"Is that wise? Knowing that I have a target on my back and you could be used as collateral? They know that's the only way they can truly destroy me – by taking you guys out." I replied.

Parker held up his hands and shook his head at me; everyone circled around me and smiled like I was the winning lottery numbers. Wordy had pulled out his phone and was sending a text to someone.

Down in the garage one man was working on a piece of equipment that was causing problems, he ignored his phone as it went off once, then twice and picked it up at the third beep. He looked at the screen and froze.

_'She's home'_ was all that was written.

He dropped his tools and burst out the garage with full out run.

Meanwhile up stairs, Ed was holding me by the arms and ordering me to listen to him and the others as I tried to explain the decision.

"You are coming back after re-qualification, Wordy just text Spike for you – for the love of the almighty please get him to cheer up!"

"I'm surprised he would still want to be with me after all the shit that's happened boss – the amount of grief I have given everyone!" I replied.

"Shut up Mac and get to the corridor to wait on your boyfriend and then get home – I'll put us on standby for the rest of the shift!" Ed replied.

I heard someone running along the corridors at full speed; I could hear the sharp cry of other people getting shoved out of the way. I turned out of the room and watched as a full speed tank called Spike ran up the stairs and stopped as soon as he saw me. My heart was in my throat, he looked like he had been beaten recently – the bruises across his face were still visible and he looked exhausted.

"Spike, what happened to you?" I demanded going into nurse mode.

He just stopped and stared at me as the others began laughing as I led him to the table and checked his wounds, they were very recent and tender; quite clearly he had not been treating them properly as he flinched at every minor touch. I grabbed wipes out of my trouser pocket and cleaned the scratches as best as possible; he was just looking at me and then the next thing I knew I was on the floor under his hands.

"_Dove diavolo sei stato - sai preoccupati come siamo stati tutti" _

The others were going to get him off me but I stopped them, he was never going to harm me – it was the adrenaline rush. I laid my hands on his chest and pushed him up gently, he got up and stayed kneeling on the floor.

_"Ho dovuto andare per assicurarsi che le persone che ho amato erano al sicure dal male. Non sto andando da nessuna parte ancora Michelangelo - a meno che non mi vuoi lasciare?" I replied._

He looked at me and blinked, 'where the hell did I learn the language' was written across his face and he then started to laugh. I rolled my eyes and picked myself up, dragging him up to his feet I pulled him into the briefing room and made him sit down.

"Halloran knew where I was the whole time guys – it was SOP for this situation and I apologise for the way I left. I am cleared to come back onto the team if you want me and I will explain everything tonight at the house when you come for dinner – is that alright?" I asked.

They all nodded and Winnie came running over and gave me a hug too – she passed me a letter and it was from Halloran. I opened it up and smiled; passing it to Parker he nodded and gave me another massive hug.

"You do this again young lady and I will ground you until you are forty! Now get Spike and go home, we will come round about 8 alright?" he whispered.

I smiled and nodded; grabbing Spike I got him to change and told him I would meet him in the house in an hour after I went to do a couple of chores.


	12. Chapter 12

Just over an hour later I parked up and took a deep breath before grabbing the shopping and heading into the house; I could hear the shower going upstairs and I put away the shopping in the near empty fridge and realised that Spike was probably barely functioning and needed a really good meal. I felt fingers around my waist a few moments later and I turned and pulled into his arms and kissed passionately before I was thrown across his shoulders and carried upstairs. I was laughing as we pulled off each other's clothes and he winced as he saw the couple of new scars across my side – mainly just deep scrape from ducking behind rocks while on patrol. He pulled me into the shower and shut the bathroom door with a shove.

A couple of hours later we were lying in bed and Spike was fast asleep beside me; I was right when I evaluated him to have barely slept or eaten and he needed his strength to return to deal with the news I would give tonight. I slipped out the bed and after a quick clean up and change, I headed downstairs to put on the kettle and find that recipe book for dinner tonight. A while later I had dinner started in the oven to cook for the next four hours and then started making some pasta dishes for us to munch on during the day, it felt weird to be doing such a minor task when only a couple of days ago I was in the middle of a fire fight in the desert – that had been a close one and I shuddered at the thought of what could have happened.

"Mackenzie, are you alright?" a whisper came from behind me.

I turned around and smiled as a sleepy Spike came along the hallway and yawned; I kissed him and put him in the chair with a cup of coffee and some fresh bread that I had bought earlier today. A few minutes later I dished him up some pasta and sauce and his eyes just glazed over as he started to eat it.

"I thought you would wake up hungry! I made some snacks for us until I can get the shopping this afternoon for the party tonight. Do you want to come or am I going to handcuff you to the bed so you can sleep more?" I winked at him.

His eyes nearly popped out of his head at my comment and I passed him a glass of water to get rid of the pasta he was choking on, I grinned and his ears turned red for a moment before he dove around the table for me and pinned me against the wall. His hips dug into mine and he kissed me hard, letting me know how much he had missed me and that I was probably going to be a little bit tender later on!

At 7pm I was showered and changed for the party tonight and had managed to give the place a spring clean and freshen up the whole place. Spike when he was depressed made mess everywhere – being an army brat and nurse, I was used to clean areas and had spent a couple of hours cleaning up as Spike slept off the last of his testosterone rush from earlier on. He was in the middle of having a hot shower when I received a message on my phone, I hoped no one was going to cancel tonight and found that it was a video message; I clicked the link after checking the virus code and I watched as Spike was screaming in the middle of somewhere being comforted by Parker. That scream sent a chill to my bones – I had heard a scream like that before – it came from my own mouth as I watched my team be destroyed by a bomb.

I heard footsteps come down the stairs and I clicked the link off in the email and saved it to my private folder where I knew no one would have access to it; I turned around to watch Spike come down into the kitchen again looking a lot more relaxed and freshened up after his shower and change. He kissed me and grabbed one of the muffins I had made for desert. He checked that there were enough sodas, beer and wine and I looked amused as his belly rumbled over the smell of garlic and rosemary casserole that was gently heating in the oven.

The doorbell went and he headed over to get it as I put some crisps and dip out on the table and in walked Wordy and Ed holding some more drinks and the ice I had asked them to pick up for me. I hugged and kissed them both and they gaped at the spread of food on the sideboard – I had gone slightly OTT but they were worth it and what wasn't eaten could be re-heated for tomorrow. Sam was next arriving with Jules and I got massive hugs from them both too and finally Parker arrived last with a huge grin.

"Hey boss, thanks for coming tonight!" I said hugging him.

"Won't miss a free meal – especially yours!" he replied laughing.

I put them into the living room and picked up my phone again as another message arrived; this time it was a CCTV recording of Ed taking a 'Scorpio' shot and hitting a young girl. Another message and I watched as Jules was shot by a sniper – another one of me performing trauma care on Parker – another one of a young boy leaning over a body on the road. I hadn't heard anyone come up behind me and I yelped as hands turned me around; it was Wordy and he had seen from the couch how white I was while on the phone. He had come in to find out what was wrong without alerting anyone else.

"What's going on Mac; your phone went mental there and you're white as a sheet! Do you need Spike?" he whispered putting me on the chair.

I shook my head and put away my phone in my pocket, rubbing my eyes I looked up and smiled at him.

"Sorry Wordy, getting used to being back in civilisation again – takes a couple of days to adjust; everyone good for dinner?" I replied.

I stood up and started to potter with the dishes, my shaky hands betrayed my emotion and Wordy turned me around and gave me the best impression of Greg possible.

"I know you too well to take that bullshit; you're closed off again and still pale as hell – after dinner you talk or I get Spike to hack your phone!"

I took a deep breath and nodded. He helped me dish out dinner in the pots and got everyone to come through and help themselves as I organised water for them all and got myself some food.

We sat for a good couple of hours munching all the food and catching up on news from both sides of the world; I let Sam know that people were asking for him and that I would pass messages along for them when I saw him next. I told them all about the team I was with, the funny parts of being chased by a massive spider across a sand dune while playing football and our CO getting hit with a ricochet to his ass – everyone was laughing at that one.

"What is it like over there now, has anything changed?" Ed asked.

I shook my head, Sam mirroring my actions as he put down his plate.

"I hated it. The smell of the desert over there – it was almost metallic like blood in some areas due to the oil fields and the mass graves. There can be amazing views from higher up the hills and remote villages where they are so friendly – to going back to base and being under RPG fire and dodging mortars. Did find out that I am a lot fitter this time round though – both mentally and physically – thanks for keeping me off the donuts while I worked!" I whispered.

"I hear a lot of stories about what life are like over there for the troops, it must be hard to adapt back to this life even after such a short tour?" Jules asked.

"It can be, support structure is critical to make sure you're balanced and not overwhelmed – taking it that's why we aren't in the Goose tonight?" Sam replied.

I nodded and had a drink of my soda – I was allowing myself a small glass of wine to celebrate and I only had small sips to ease the raw throat I had after eating sand during an attack. We got the dishes put into the washer and cleaned up the area back to standard; I grabbed the muffins and made a couple pots of coffee and brought them to the table where everyone had assembled on the couches. They all took their time getting some refreshments and we all chilled in the warmth of the fire blazing in the room. I was sitting between Spike's knees and Wordy was looking at me through the corner of his eye as Sam prattled on about funny times in the last couple of tours he did. I quipped up a couple of times reminding him about his medical evaluation and he changed subject immediately – blackmail of JTF2 was my speciality since most of them hate needles!

My mobile phone went off and I was getting laughed at due to the ringtone being the MASH theme tune; I got into the kitchen and picked up the phone and answered.

"Welcome back to civilization Fraser – did you get my messages?"

My heart thudded in my chest and my training kicked in moments later; I took a deep breath and turned my back to conceal the anger I knew I was showing across my face.

"What do you want?" I asked not getting goaded into anything.

"To meet you actually – you seriously pissed of my employer a few months ago, nearly destroyed his career. So, he has asked me to keep a track of your location and find out what you are up to – he may pop up again shortly to see you since the order has been dissolved since you reactivated your military career," he continued.

'SHIT' I thought.

I had forgotten about that legislation when it came to medical protocols – the minute I went back into active duty and returned home I was due to go for a Psych evaluation two weeks later. Normally the army would send you to an Operational Psychologist but since I was based in Toronto and now between Military and Police transition – he could still get access to me. Dammit, why did I forget about that – stupid, stupid mistake!

The voice suddenly laughed and I pulled my hands into fists to keep from shouting down the phone at the arrogant SOB.

"You forgot about that didn't you, the change in military code took effect last month my dear and includes you so I will get my wish shortly! But I have decided to play nice for the time being and will try not to give you a headache…" he continued.

"Too late buddy, your voice is doing my head in and I have visitors, so if you have finished boring me to death I am going to hang up now!" I hissed at him.

The voice laughed loudly and I flinched as I heard others over the line snarl comments about how they can keep me in line, I knew I was dealing with professional soldiers and I had support at all times, but I now knew that there was a secondary party involved and they did not like females. I thought back to arriving in the desert base and having a look around as I walked off the C17 on the runway. The team I was deployed with had heard of me from previous tours and they took me under their wing; we had become close and through night chats and sessions we all opened up as much as possible regarding issues we had. I told them about the PTS, how I felt about leaving my team – my family behind. They sent me to their CO and for two days he taught me techniques I already knew, but let me adapt them as he took me through the worst aspects of my life. My fear to fail was coming from the events that took my family away from me; my failing to understand my fear is what was causing me to become a basket case. He taught me techniques to control that fear, to let me compartmentalise my issues and work through the issues on a priority basis. He had already seen I could do this when working on a casualty; he just recognised that I needed the jolt to use it in daily life. I took stock of what he had said and put it on the notice board in my head to sort later out and listened to him continue.

"Ooh he was right – Scots are feisty and you are smoking hot if I do say so! The SRU uniform is giving me impure thoughts, is it any wonder that you got nailed to the bed and wall several times today by your boyfriend? Tell me; does he find your scars a turn on, knowing that you have seen active combat and he is just a tech geek with bomb training? I could show him some moves if he needs to satisfy you!" he whispered down the phone amid the laughing of the others.

Bile rose in my throat and I felt dizzy; I took a deep breath and felt my nails dig so hard into my flesh that I knew they had drawn blood. I could hear someone coming into the kitchen and I headed up the stairs and into the small office space that was piled with both our research books and gear.

"Listen to me you son of a bitch – you have a beef with me then fine, come after me alone. Leave everyone else out of your plans. If your employer wants me, then he can come for me and we can sort this out." I hissed into the phone.

"Don't tell me what to do ever again bitch – just for that I will pass a message along from my employer. Oh, it's for the eyes of your team mates – I believe you already know this film!" he said.

The phone went dead and all of a sudden I heard several people get messages over their phones; I stood up and took a deep breath before heading to the top of the stairs – I could hear them all chatting and then silence as they checked their phones. I slumped onto the top of the stairs landing against the wall as I heard the gunfire, the shouting and screaming for a medic – heard me scream at my CO to keep fighting – heard me scream as I was blown out the house.

"Oh god – what the hell is this?" people started to whisper as the video repeated on their phones.

"That's Mackenzie?" Wordy hissed.

"Is that you Sam? What the hell?" Jules said.

"This is Afghanistan on the day I…..where's Mac?" he suddenly said.

His eyes snapped to the kitchen and his jaw clenched - the room was empty.


	13. Chapter 13

He stood up and looked into the kitchen, checking I wasn't on the floor and then headed up stairs with Spike fast on his heels, they checked the bedrooms and closets; they couldn't find me and a search of outside in the garden was useless too. They gathered back into the living room where Parker and Jules were calling me non-stop with no luck. Spike and Sam both picked up their phones again and watched the video, looking for any clues as who had sent it to everyone. Wordy arrived back with Ed as they had done a check of the local area and found no sign of me.

"You won't find her guys, one of the training cycles she would have done is Evasion and she was really good at it the first time around. Boss – we need to get this to Spike's lab to find out where it came from."

Parker looked at his team and nodded at what Sam had said.

"Guys, there is one thing that might make things easier for you. I walked in on her in the kitchen as she was getting video messages sent to her –I thought it was maybe from Afghan, from some friends – but she didn't look right. I asked her about it and she went blank on me, but she did say that she would speak to you about it Spike." He said shrugging his shoulders.

"If she got similar messages then I can do a check of her phone back at the barn – our phones are linked for GPS and I can trace the caller ID and location," Spike replied looking up.

"Alright guys, Sam and Spike to SRU, everyone else head home – nothing we can do but keep your phones on in case we need support; remember it's our early tomorrow so meet everyone at briefing at 5am!" Ed said aloud.

Everyone just stood there and with a final couple words of encouragement they sorted the room out and headed off to do what they needed that night, Parker talked to Spike for a moment before he left and Spike was handling this lot better than first thought.

"She's told me a lot about this tour around boss, she is off her meds and has had no issues for four weeks – things have changed in her and I am guessing it because she dealt with things over in the desert. She didn't run out of fear tonight, she needed time to deal with what I think she overheard when we got the messages. I know she is alright – she'll be there for work in the morning!" he said positively.

"How do you really know that Spike?" chipped in Ed.

Spike held his phone out to them both; I had sent a message to him.

_'Sorry to leave the party guys – needed some air after a phone call. Will see you tomorrow at the barn xx'_

They all looked at each other and felt some of the tension go out their systems; they obviously knew I was wounded in my first tour – but to see it in living colour via a helmcam was a very different experience. Spike headed off with Sam once the house was clear of everyone and he was doing something crazy with his phone to check out system information; Sam was driving and keeping tight lipped over the video.

"You alright buddy? I know that video must have been a shock!"

He was watching Spike for delayed shock or stress – it had been bad for him to pull me off the wire after the bomb, but for Spike who had never seen active military combat but understood bombs and shockwaves – it was a nightmare.

"I've seen and felt bomb blasts before Sam – she was lucky and not vaporised," he replied.

Sam nodded and looked back to the road; he knew Spike was keeping his emotions in check this time round and he was impressed – he knew how passionate Spike was as an Italian and a partner – he knew how much he loved me and how fiercely he fought for me.

When the boss told everyone I had left and they couldn't find a trace of me Spike broke down; he was a mess for a good couple of weeks and the support of the others was the only thing keeping him going. He barely ate and was basically a walking zombie; some nights drunk as a skunk and it was always Sam who picked him up and brought him home. I was in a similar crash – my emotions were bottled up due to my location, coming out at night to give me nightmares that would rival any horror film going; I worked myself to exhaustion and trained harder and faster. It was over a month since my arrival when I was pulled off a patrol to go help deliver a baby in the local village – the raw emotion of bringing a baby into the world was enough for me to crawl out my hole and get help from my squad – that's the only thing that saved me as they were going to send me back in a rubber plane if I didn't snap out of it.

I cried for two days as I headed home and the raw emotional joy of seeing everyone at the SRU was proof that I belonged there and I would fight for every one of them.

Then Spike, jeez I didn't think I would have been able to walk today!

"I'm good Sam, things are better and we talked a lot – she knows my pain and I know now what she went through on tour – how the hell do you survive that recovery? It was bad with Lou and I knew by her scream that she cared for her friends!" Spike whispered coming back to the present.

He had thought of Lou, how he screamed and cried for hours as Greg held him – how he tried to go back and help his friend only to be eventually sedated and dragged back to the SUV by his friends. Sam looked at him and frowned, he had first-hand experience of what I was like during recovery moments after the blast – maybe Spike hearing about it would help him?

"She screamed for hours; she felt useless and was pretty heavily doped up for a few days due to the incident. Then the numbness and stages of grief came – she was a handful to deal with to begin with but she started to deal with the fallout; she learned to heal, learned to accept and learned to live again. I saw with her grief and recovery what you dealt with when Lou died – that's why I was there every step. Then she joined the SRU, you guys fell in icky love and with all the crap going on – you two have just got stronger and stronger. That is what makes it worth for me to fight – survivors heal and learn!"

They both looked at each other and a comfortable silence started as they made their way across town towards the SRU.

**On the streets on Toronto**

The minute I had heard the comms traffic come from their phones I knew it was that day I lost my team; I took deep breathes and shoved it to the back of my mind – the memories couldn't harm me. I got off the floor and grabbed a jumper and climbed down the outside drain through the bathroom window; making a beeline for the pathway I started to jog away from the house. I knew that I needed to kick something hard; I had got pissed off during the call and it really wasn't that a great of an ending. 'No' I thought to myself – I wasn't going down the darkness again, I was moving forward and living my life with my family and Spike. About five blocks from the house I stopped and leaned against the wall to catch my breath; I was in the park district and maybe about five miles to the barn on foot if I took the bridge walkway; I caught my breath and then started walking in that direction with a view to go for a long swim to relax once I arrived.

An hour later I arrived in the SRU and noticed Keira was away doing some copying for reports and I left a message for her to let anyone arriving that I was fine and just relaxing; I headed to the changing room and grabbed my swim bag and ducked into the corridor that took me to the huge Underwater Training Simulator used by the teams to keep fit. I heard the Scuba training had been called off due to my departure and a lot of people were disappointed – I logged into my system in the library and scheduled a time for people to join up the course again – within thirty seconds I had over ten people messaging me with various messages like 'OMG your back?' and 'Where have you been xx?' I smiled as I logged out and headed to get changed in the pool area. By the time I got into the dressing room I was really feeling too tired to go swimming, and to be honest I was feeling a little out of the mood and the UTS was not a place if your faculties were shaken. I grabbed my stuff and turned back around to the library; this would be better on me and I could catch up on any big issues happening. Since I joined the SRU they kept an updated library of journals for me and I pried over every single one for training materials and new techniques – it wasn't the first time that we had been so caught up on reading after a long shift that the next time someone came in was to say it was two days later and our shift was about to start!

A couple of hours later I was fast asleep after making huge notes on the computer about recent trauma care and even finding an article about myself in the Critical Incidents Newsletter. A photo of me was inserted at the side, the one taken for my record and I noticed the differences in myself from then today – it was quite shocking to see how broken I looked while today, while now, I felt strong, supported and in control again. I was leaning over the desk fast asleep and dead to the world when someone stopped behind me and sighed as he reached for his cellphone.

"Spike, come to the library – yeah she's fine – asleep – alright buddy will do." He replied to his questions.

I didn't feel a thing as I was lifted up into Sam's arms and carried to the first aid room where there was a truckle bed and blankets. Spike joined us and sighed; Sam smirked and hid a laugh in a quiet cough.

"Yeah, Jules does the same to me buddy. She's just exhausted and will need something hot to eat when she wakes up to give her energy a boost since she didn't eat that much. I'll text everyone and let them know she is alright and will see them in the morning – just give her support – readjusting to civilization is not easy on medics – just be patient." He whispered as he closed the door.

Spike looked at the closed door and laughed gently before climbing into the bed beside me and holding me close.


	14. Chapter 14

I woke up to find myself in the room and groaned, they must have clocked the library light on and come to investigate; I got up and stretched and clocked the time – I was due to start in an hour and needed to get organised for my requalification this morning. I headed to the main changing rooms and after getting organised I logged in via the Comms desk and got a massive hug from Keira who was delighted to see me. I phoned in a massive breakfast order for everyone and it was delivered twenty minutes later from the café down the industrial estate closest to us – I discovered it was a bakery and made a deal for fresh goodies daily in exchange for helping the local swim team. I apologised to them over the phone and promised that on my next day off I would take everyone to the UTS where we could have some fun. I laid everything out onto the main table in the briefing room and jumped up onto the window sill and enjoyed the snow falling over the city. I realised that I was going to need to put extra thermals on due to the climate change and headed to get that organised before I didn't have time left.

Everyone started to arrive at 0415 and Wordy noticed me first as usual when he entered the room and smelt home baking; I waved to him and he sighed in relief seeing I was perfectly fine. He walked over and helped me down from my high perch and gave me a quick hug.

"So, you getting video messages sent as well huh – was that why you shut down on me? I'm not angry, concerned yes, but not angry. Spike explained a few things last night to us – we need to talk about these videos!"

I lowered my head in shame, I didn't know how to react last night so I left everyone in a lurch; it was a failing I needed to work on and my chin was raised by Wordy who was looking concerned again.

"We need to talk about those, those horrific videos and what they mean!"

"Yeah – it's going to suck for more than just me!" I replied.

After greeting and apologising to everyone about my disappearance last night, I let them help themselves with breakfast and jumped straight to the heart of things; Wordy had given me courage and I needed it off my chest.

"So, the Hollywood blockbuster you saw last night was from my helmcam in Afghan and you probably already know how that ended; Wordy walked in on me getting these messages on my phone – I will not put you through the re-runs – let's just say it shows us at our rawest. I don't know how the caller got these videos, but I am hoping that Spike can work that one out for us?"

"I tried last night, the sender has some serious encryption on their servers and no matter what I did I couldn't get in, looks like they were using military grade quad level encryption software – random passwords changing every few moments – nightmare stuff." He replied apologetically.

"That tells us something about the caller then, something big and maybe we can trace them that way?" I replied.

"How do you mean?" Parker, Ed, Jules and Wordy quipped looking confused.

"Military encryption comes from one of four points and even though I may not be able to hack it – I can trace the location back to a transmitter area and get a general idea of what equipment they use." Spike replied.

I nodded and showed them a file on the laptop I had with me.

It was a list of KIA/MIA that my team had sent me from Afghan last night – they wanted me to know who I could be up against and what connections they had with Toth. A few names stood out immediately to both Sam and I, others were complete mysteries and possible fake identities.

"These guys are obviously dead; the others are possible names who are working within the system to get to me. Another problem I have is that I screwed up badly and I will have no option but to see Toth in person at one point in the future; it was a massive, massive mistake on my part – I can't believe that I forgot about it!" I replied.

"How can you see Toth when he has a 30 mile restriction on this area?" Jules asked.

Sam looked at me for a second and by the way his face fell he realised my mistake; he sagged and ran his hands over his face.

"Regulation 34.85." he said aloud.

I nodded.

"For those who are not military issue ninjas in disguise – what is it?" Wordy asked.

"Regulation 34.85 is an order to submit to psychological evaluation once returning home after a tour. Its standard practice but the rule changed recently and since its SOP after deployment – no-one was really made aware of its updated status – your right Mac – that is a massive mistake, but one anyone could have made!" he replied.

"I know, but it overrides the Restraining Order." I said simply.

The room filled with groans and I sat back down and helped myself to another coffee, there was no use denying the issue – I put myself into that one and would now have to go see that asshole at some point. Jules asked a question suddenly.

"If the evaluation is SOP, are they sending someone from the MOD?"

"They already did. Toth has been transferred to the military base in Ottawa and has access to every military personnel he requests; I got an email from the MOD this morning telling me my file has been pulled and sent to the evaluator in Dwyer Hill Base."

"Dwyer Hill – isn't that where you trained Sam?" Parker asked.

"Yeah boss – do you know when the interview is?" he replied.

"Wednesday this week; they are sending out a transport for me and I am legally allowed to bring one other person with me for witness. I fly out at 0900 from the airport – come with me Sam?" I replied.

He looked up suddenly and nodded; he knew I needed him there in case shit hit the fan and we had to run for it again.

"Sure you don't want me to come?" asked both Spike and Parker.

I looked over at them both and smiled; shaking my head I leaned over and pushed an envelope towards Parker.

"Sorry guys – military only on this one – that an Dwyer has Ordnance and Spike here would never leave!" I said laughing at his expression.

His smile disappeared and he went into 'puppy mode' looking all disappointed and hurt – I laughed at the brown eyes he was giving me.

"They don't work Spikey – I have brown eyes too – I'm immune!" I replied.

Everyone was laughing gently at his face going red and I pushed a plate of muffins in his direction and he frowned as he chewed on one; the atmosphere lightened considerably again and it was starting to feel like old times again as everyone ribbed Spike and joked about his red face. The Commander came in and smiled at everyone who immediately stood up and nodded to him; he was just letting me know that the examiner was ready and I needed to gear up.

"Wish me luck guys!" I said heading to the gun locker.

Everyone nodded and grinned in my direction and then blew out stress the moment I was out of earshot; everyone turned to Sam and leaned forward, needing to know answers.

"Is she in danger going to Dwyer?" Parker demanded.

"Yes and we both know it – she has no option but to go boss – this is one rule we are not allowed to break and I can imagine that Toth will not make this easy on her!" he replied honestly.

"Shit!" Parker whispered leaning back in his chair.


	15. Chapter 15

Eight hours later I was re-qualified and exhausted; they had put me through extra exams on my fitness and stamina, ability to weight carry and transfer and even manoeuvre through various environments. Next came the written exams and evaluations and in the afternoon my water and first aid exams which I knew I had aced. My final exam was just finished – swim under full current and waves for rescue and then manoeuvre in wet gear and tag a target. I was lying on the swimming pools surface beside the ladder and trying to get my breath back in order – I had been told that I had 98% pass rate and was re-qualified for another year. I waved them off and collapsed back into my recovery mode. A door opened to my side and I grinned at Ed who came in with warm towels and was dressed for a swim himself.

"Hey Ed – how's your day going?" I asked trying to breathe through the burning in my chest.

"It's quiet and we're bored stupid – how did everything go with the examiners?" he replied.

"98% - I'm your rookie again!" I said holding up my thumb.

All of a sudden six other people ran out the room and picked me up by my arms and legs, they threw me in the water and jumped in after me with screams of delight – and cold due to the examiners cooling the water right down to simulate the sea. I spun underwater and grinned as I pushed off from the bottom and jumped on their backs laughing.

"Funny guys – twenty laps now!" I said pulling myself out the water.

They all groaned and headed off to start their laps; it gave me good looks at strengths and weaknesses they had for the course next week and I was laughing as Sam tried to do his best; I knew he could swim, but he just needed to work on his method and flow through the water instead of fighting it. Ed and Jules finished first and second with Spike and Wordy next – Sam and Parker finished last due to Parker needing to help Sam after he got toe cramp.

"Oh jeez guys seriously! Your all freaking cops I know but apart from these two and the boss being a hero – we need to work on it!" I replied laughing.

They grabbed my ankles and dragged me back into the water and splashed me stupid – I was laughing so hard that I was holding onto anyone near me to keep afloat. I swam across to Spike and climbed onto his back as we messed about in the pool for a while and started to do dares on the springboards and diving levels – Jules surprised the hell out of us and then Parker bombed us all and limped off with a massive wedgie – we were all laughing so hard at that part due to the pain across his face.

We broke up about twenty minutes after that and went our separate ways to get cleaned up, Jules was still laughing about the boss and I had just had my shower and was pulling on my jeans when my phone went – without even thinking about I looked at the screen and stopped dead in my tracks. It was us in the pool. I pulled on my shoes and top and ran out the room and climbed up to the windows access from the second level diving board, the view had come from outside which told me there was a perch up in the woods that looked directly to where we were messing about. I heard the doors open from below and Jules shouted up to me after seeing the image on the phone; something caught my eye and I looked down over my heart and saw a blinking red dot of a laser tag.

"Jules – don't come any closer to me!" I shouted as I stabilized my footing.

"What's wrong Mac?" she demanded.

"I think I just got pulled into a trap and I am currently in some kind of laser sight that's blinking over my heart. Go back down the ladder and keep back from this whole deck." I said calmly.

"Stay still alright – I'm going to get the guys and were going to get you out of it alright!" she said pulling out her phone.

I heard the phone ring and then a single sentence.

"Winnie – Rodeo."

'Rodeo' was the SRU distress call for a threat to life inside the building, it had never been used officially and it was subtly that the SOP for this kind of call started taking shape. All doors closed automatically and only the correct pin would open them, lights dimmed and vents to the outside opened fully to increase air supply. The blast of fresh air hit me like a wave since I was right beside the main vent in the area; I controlled my breathing and tried to keep the shivering to the minimum possible. I heard Jules climb the ladder again and I stopped myself from turning around to stop her.

"Jules I am not joking – I don't know what this is but it's not a sniper sight – get away from this area and keep everyone back unless they are fully geared up!"

"I'm staying back and just checking that you will be alright while I let everyone know what's going on here alright – sniper breathing and think good thoughts!" she replied.

I stuck my thumb up again in the age old saying of 'ok that I can do!'

She climbed back down the stairs and I heard the doors being opened by the code and her footsteps running down the corridor, she would report directly to Winnie and inform every one of what was going on and they would split up into checking for subjects and the others checking on me. Ed would take Sam and Jules and Spike, Wordy and Parker would stay with me below to make sure I had company while this went on.

Jules ran to the desk where everyone was standing and they all looked mystified to what was going on; even wondering if this was part of my evaluations to see how I deal with stress.

"Jules what's going on?" Ed demanded.

"We were getting changed and Mac got a message, next thing I know is she is running back to the pool and had climbed the ladders to the second platform; I followed seconds later and she backed me off with a warning."

"What warning?" Spike demanded.

"She has a laser tag on her chest and it's blinking," she replied.

Jules showed the video to them all and she could see Spike was running through his head about what he needed and what it could be; he knew it could possibly be a target bomb with a proximity trigger – but how did it get there?

"Boss, I need to get up there and find out what is going on – this is obviously a target specific job and they watched us in the pool."

"You're too close to this Spike…" Ed started.

"I know…I know I am but its procedure for the teams on call to respond and report in to the inside contact if possible; I'm needed now as a possible bomb expert which means I need to check outside first and then go up and check the area. If it's clear, then we can get closer and I'll step back!"

Everyone looked at him and nodded moments later after he got everyone on comms, he ran with Ed and Sam to the gear room and got some night vision scopes and weapons while Parker and Jules headed back into swimming area. I was freezing cold and I was half meditating and half doing the rosary when I heard Parker call up to me.

"Hey Mackenzie, how are you doing up there?"

"I'm good boss, any chance of closing the vents as I am freezing – making it difficult to stop shivering!" I said through my breathing.

"In a moment, just getting the guys to do some checks outside and see if they notice anything unusual in the area – if it's all clear then I'll even move a thermal blanket and hot chocolate up for you!"

I laughed and stopped suddenly as the light went from red to yellow; in an instant I knew what this way and it was going to end with me doing the high jump into a freezing cold pool full of props.

_ 'Shit! Shit! Shit!' _

"You okay there Mac – you went quiet for a moment!" Jules asked.

"It's a Propelling Charge guys, the light just went from red to yellow – if I move again then its active and I need to stand completely still," I shouted.

I heard them run up the stairs a little closer to me and I saw in the reflective glass that they were both pale while looking at me playing statue. They looked around and tried to see the tag but it was not visible in the dimmed light.

"Guys, are you trying to spot the laser tag?" I asked gently.

"Yeah, but it is impossible for me to see!" Jules replied.

I closed my eyes and took a quick breath before racking my brains for a solution to her problem, it suddenly clicked and I called back down.

"Go into the chemical locker and get six chloride tablets and a container of ammonia, you'll need to wear gloves and a mask to handle the mixture when I tell you to add them in a bowl." I replied.

"What you thinking Mac?" Parker asked.

"You need to see the laser – the chemical smoke will make it light up in the dark and you can trace it to wherever it comes from." I replied.

I heard Spike come over the comms unit and agree with what I was saying, I also heard that there was nothing outside which told me the charge was already attached to the window and would burst through the glass when activated. The one trick I had up my sleeve is that I could jump sideways and dive into the water at a moment's notice if required – I shouted on the others to get the props out the way and to leave me room to break the surface. The outer doors opened again and I heard everyone talking in the room – the echoes in the pool were ridiculous and I could hear everything they said – I whistled to them and heard Spike telling them to stand back and he was going up range.

"SPIKE STOP!" I shouted.

The footsteps stopped suddenly and he shouted up to me.

"Mac we need to find the location point!" he shouted up to me.

"Then use the chloride and ammonia, it's the safest way as if I move again then it could be party time! Trust me on this Spike – use the gas to flush out the location point and then we can decide on what to do!"

"I can find it Mac, I know what I am looking for!" he hissed.

"And if you make one wrong move then you risk setting the charge onto its last setting – it would take us both out!" I replied shivering.

"Spike, take a step back and try it her way – safer of the two options!" a voice boomed over the comms.

"Copy that!" he hissed.

Ten minutes later I looked up into the windows surface and saw him behind me on the top step of the ladder, he had his container of ammonia and the chloride pellets in his hand and he crouched low and put them at the bottom of my feet. He looked up at me and I grinned even though we read the fear in each other's eyes.

"I've got a mask for you and then I will drop the pellets in and get the lights switched off to see what we are dealing with – we'll be home in thirty minutes alright?"

I shook my head at the mask.

"You can't break the beam by putting something on me; I can hold my breath and nudge the bowl back into the water after it's done its job."

"Inhale enough of this gas and you will pass out – I am not….not again!" he whispered.

"You're not going to lose me babe, very worst thing that happens is I go for another swim and then we go home to bed!" I replied.

He looked at me and shook his head, I knew he was thinking about Lou and it bothered the hell out of me – I knew that it was going to be close and I wasn't even stepping on a landmine.

"Spike, let her do what she said and then we can have oxygen on standby,"

"Boss that's not standard SOP – she will be standing over a container of poisonous gas!"

"Spike – I survived the boss's cooking so I will survive this, give me the pellets and then get to safety and switch the lights off!" I ordered.

He looked at me and then gently passed the pellets into my hand and squeezed the other hand; I nodded and blew him a kiss. He dropped his gear and headed down the stairs as Parker shouted to me they were going to switch off the lights. It went pitch black and I crushed the pellets in my hand and dropped them into the bowl below me. I took a few deep breaths, hyperventilating myself to conserve oxygen and I watched as the gas illuminated the laser tag and the device on the window.

My heart dropped and I closed my eyes to control my movements as I took in the lethal placement of the device.

"Spike, there is no way you are going to get this device," I whispered.

"There is always a way Mac," Parker replied.

I could imagine Spike below me, reliving the incident with Lou – I could hear laboured breathing and I knew it was him.

"Guys, back out of the room!" I said suddenly.

"What's wrong?" they all demanded.

I stared down at the laser as it turned green and immediately went stock still, one move would trigger the device and I would be gone; I heard them muffle their voices, heard them talking about what to do – both of them stopping Spike from climbing the stairs to me.

"We are backing out the room Mac, but I will be on the comms for anything you need alright?" Parker ordered.

"Copy that boss!" I whispered.

I knew there was only one choice now and I was going to have to dive off the high board sideways, that on top of the explosion I knew I was probably going to be knocked unconscious into a swimming pool. This type of device is not fun to be around!

_'Shit! Shit! Shit!' I thought to myself – this was going to hurt!_


	16. Chapter 16

Spike was staring through the window and edging closer and closer to the door, he wanted to try anything to get me out of the danger I was in – he would do anything to help me survive.

I started to hyperventilate again, dragging as much oxygen into my system to give me a chance in the water; it was going to hurt like a bitch since the heating was off, props were in the water and it wasn't a controlled landing.

Spike's breathing was heavy and he wanted back in there, his friends were watching the door and him, looking for any signs of a plan.

I closed my eyes and started on a final round of rosary prayers.

_'Hail Mary full of grace…'_

People looked at Spike; he looked up at Parker and made towards the door, only being blocked by two of the other team members.

"Don't even think it Spike, I am not endangering either of you!" Troy hissed.

Spike looked at him and clenched his jaw and fist.

The explosion ripped through the upper level of the roof and took out part of the glass wall, I had dived sideways milliseconds before hand and was thrown about before landing sideways in the pool; my head snapped on the solid water and I was out cold.

Spike screamed and tore at the door as the explosion happened, his team tried to hold him back as the fireball sent shards of debris around the pool; he fought them and ran into the room to find the roof a smouldering ruin over the pool and a huge hole in the wall. The smoke was still too heavy and the others had come into the room with flashlights and the first aid unit; they looked up the boards for me but I was not visible and within seconds someone shouted that I was in the water lying on the raised props. Two people jumped into the water and rushed over to the apparatus, they checked my spine and dragged me off the props and started swimming over to the poolside again.

"She's not breathing – get the oxygen ready!" Ross shouted.

I was pulled out of the water and laid flat against the floor, they started CPR and Parker held Spike back who was fighting to get to me but in a trance – he kept on saying 'not again….please not again!'

I opened my eyes and started coughing badly before I threw up all the water I had swallowed, I was turned on my side and an oxygen mask was put across my face as they checked my vital signs. I was shivering after the whole event and getting nearly blown up and drowned – that was the part that sucked. I heard the different sirens in the background and felt someone kneel beside me and wrap a blanket over me; fingers stroked my head and I looked up at Spike who was wiping away tears. I fought to right myself and I managed to kneel up and grab his face with my hands before he freaked out.

"I am here, I am safe!" I whispered to him.

His face was ashen pale and he was going to have a panic attack if he didn't calm down, I pulled him close into a cuddle and whispered what I would do to him later on, I felt the shake of laughter go through him and I laughed at his reply. Everyone was looking at us and I pulled away to stand up, several hands trying to keep me on the floor. I shoved them off and staggered off to the nearest bin and threw up violently – mostly just the water that I had swallowed but the gas had given me a fierce headache. I stumbled down the corridor with at least three people following me and Parker found me on the floor holding a pillow to my face; he pried it away from me to find me half laughing and half crying into it and saw the blood coming from the numerous cuts across my forehead – he wasn't happy. He grabbed my face and looked me straight in the eye, daring me to tell a lie.

"Mackenzie Fraser you are insane! You're picking up too many bad habits from everyone and trying to play the sacrifice – what were you thinking?" he hissed at me.

I looked at him slightly unfocused and grinned; my whole forehead was shredded on one side and my blood was running down my face due to a cut that was pretty deep. I didn't feel well!

"I love this job boss and I am going to be sick again – think I have a concussion from hitting the water – can you move or you're going to be thrown up on!"

He just dodged the mess.

EMT's run into the room and checked me over; I was ordered to the hospital and stretchered out as a precaution in case I had internal injuries; I found myself to be just tired and a little sore, but the doctors in the ER would not release me until the results came back. No concussion but several stitches later and a prescription for painkillers I was released with orders to come back if my headache worsened or my eyes blurred. Parker drove the SUV with Spike and me in the back cuddled up – he wouldn't leave my side and I was dosing off, the gas had caused me to get 'brain drunk' – basically I was wasted and it would take a few hours to come out my system. He parked up outside our house at 10pm with orders to phone him in the morning when we woke up and to give him updates. I goofily waved him off and was carried into the house by Spike and taken up to the bathroom for a hot shower. He just turned the taps on and helped me stand up under the water, bringing my temperature up slowly so I wouldn't catch a cold.

"Hey babe – that sucked!" I whispered seeing the bruises down my flank.

Spike was tight lipped as he stripped me and himself, he was still in his gear and was frozen cold himself; I cuddled into him and felt him shake. I looked up into his face and saw he was crying.

"Spike, this is not your fault and it did not end in the same way as when you lost Lou – I will be fine in a few days, it's only a few bruises!" I whispered.

He cried as he pulled me to the floor and all I could do was comfort him as he got his emotions out into the open and the stress left him.

I woke up with Spike still on top of me and out for the count, he had fallen asleep after the adrenaline rush and I was out cold with him, I stretched my muscles and winced as Spike pulled out of me suddenly and rolled onto his side; he was still out cold and was still rock solid even after the marathon session. I got out of bed gingerly and headed for another shower – getting changed I headed downstairs and looked into the mirror in the hallway. I had bruises across my flank, more than what I came home with; stitches in my forehead and a lump across it the size of a prune. I sighed and headed to the kitchen for a hot cup of tea and some toast; it was only 9am and I was wide awake after months of being awake at a moment's notice. I took a couple of painkillers and sat down on the couch with my breakfast and watched the news for a while; I knew with the drama of last night and the emotional fall out for Spike, he would be out for a good couple of hours yet. The doorbell went and I hobbled over to answer it – it was Wordy and Ed.

"What the hell are you doing up so early?" they both said.

"Headache and hungry – want me to wake Spike up?" I replied.

I was forced back onto the couch and a blanket thrown across me to keep me warm; both of them felt the cold in my skin when they hugged me at the door. I snuggled up and laughed as I heard Spike snore upstairs, he was out cold.

"How do you feel this morning?" Wordy asked.

"Like crap, I now officially have a beef with Propelling Charges." I replied.

"The SIU discovered a tracer unit on the wreckage – its military issue, part of a stolen container meant to be shipped to Afghanistan. Military have been made aware of the personal attack and other details relevant – some of your squad are coming with you tomorrow for your interview – consider them a personal bodyguard unit." Ed replied.

I heard footsteps coming down the stairs and shouted up to Spike that we had company; he came down quicker and saw us sitting on the couch talking over cups of tea. I got up and kissed him on the cheek while walking to make him some breakfast so he could get comfortable and talk to them both. They knew he was emotional and felt the loss of Lou last night when the explosion happened, he needed to get those emotions out – which to be honest he did – that explains the limping! I came back to the living room and handed him a plate of toast and refilled everyone's tea as I got comfortable again.


	17. Chapter 17

We sat there for an hour or so before Parker arrived and joined us, he nodded to the others who said they would see us on shift tonight and joined us on the couch where Spike was rubbing a massive bruise on my lower leg – it was spectacular and one of the only bits of damage to my body – okay, apart from the cheese grater like wound to my forehead!

Greg looked at me and ran his hands over his face and head, he was stressed and I was shamed again – why the hell was it always me to make people so stressed out – was I that much of a problem?

"I know how Spike felt last night; he was terrified of losing you and is now coping due to the fact that by a miracle you are still alive. I need to know how you are feeling, how you're handling the events – and issues?"

I took a deep sigh and put down my mug of tea; I looked at both men and nodded at the painkillers I had been given last night.

"I knew what I had to do last night because it was a PC that blew me out the building in the desert; thankfully this time there was a softer surface when I landed and I knew I could deal with it. Spike, you could do nothing for me last night – those charges are impossible to diffuse, you need to let them blow."

"I could have tried something, given you at least a minute to get out of range – but you decided to move and dive off a board into solid standing water and get knocked out – you could have drowned Mac!" he replied softly.

"I know and I am sorry, but past experiences with those devices meant I was the expert on what to do – apart from a couple of bruises and a bumped head….i will be healed in a week or so and I am fully fit for work once my shift starts as long as I don't get dizzy or my headache gets worse. I understand your worry and I fully respect the trauma you went through with Lou – but this was different and I am safe!" I replied cuddling into Spike.

He was still pale but less shaky than earlier on and Parker looked a lot less concerned than last night from what I remember; he watched us together, how we backed each other up emotionally and mentally – he smiled as I was pulled backwards and hugged onto Spike's knee.

"Okay, I think my job here is done this glorious morning and I want out of here before you start making 'mushy eyes' at each other! Only if you are well enough you can work tonight alright and I will have Steve there to do a full physical before you even change – agreed?"

I nodded and grinned as I was squeezed tighter and Parker waved to us as he left, I leaned back against him and wiggled closer.

"Back to bed, I'm not finished with you yet!" he ordered.

I grinned and pulled him upstairs without complaint and slammed the door shut with a laugh as I started to strip us both.

We arrived at work that night in a mid of flurry from the other teams getting sent on a call and our team arriving, looks like we had some OT coming up tomorrow! We headed in to the SRU main office and I got asked about a million questions and numerous slaps across the head by other team members on duty. We split up and headed to get changed and meet up in the gym to do some exercises and I said I would be a few minutes while I went and hung my dress uniform in the locker room to ease the crinkles out of it and spotted Sam's uniform in the steam room too. I had forgotten about the interview tomorrow and realised that I would be doing a three day shift by the time the traveling was done – oh well – back to basics again!

I headed through to the briefing room with some of the goodies I had baked yesterday and put them in the middle of the table, I laughed at the image of the morning yesterday and how that day ended – fingers crossed I was not going to repeat that day! Everyone started to come into the gym around 7pm and they saw Spike and me on the treadmills doing a joint workout to some really heavy music, we were both well into the training exercise and I had my eyes closed again, completely into the zone again! They watched as I ran fluidly on the treadmill, Spike was keeping up with me and was focused on the spot on the wall – they could all see this was the excess emotion coming out of us and left us to our own devices.

"Good to see that they both keep each other centred, I nearly died seeing him like that again last night – far too close!" Jules whispered.

"Yeah, still don't get what they see in each other though – he all geeky with combat skills and her – she's just the female embodiment of Braveheart – who would have guessed that one night watching a DVD, would bring this!"

I was hitting the treadmill hard and overheard the conversation, I looked to the side and saw Spike grinning at me – I grinned back and winked.

It was a quiet night thankfully with no callouts; everyone was bored silly apart from those of us who had research to do or was tinkering around with their toys in the range and labs. I had just completed the full accident report and had it signed by the Commander, he was pissed off due to the massive hole in the building but knew it wasn't our fault and just called on the builders to get it fixed quickly as possible.

About 5am I was standing against the wall looking at the damage the PC made of the pool; chunks of masonry and light fixtures had blown everywhere and the top diving platform was half missing. The PC that took me out was less powerful than the one in Afghan but what worried me even more was that a full shipment of munitions and ordnance had disappeared from the military base at Dalzell and we were just finding it out! I had a good suspicion on who had taken it, but that meant I was walking straight into a trap that could prove fatal.

I jumped slightly when a hand went onto my shoulder and gently shook me, I turned around to find Wordy looking at me with concern; I smiled and turned to face him and he handed me a bottle of water and some painkillers.

"Spike said it was time for your meds – how do you feel?"

"I'm good Wordy; still have a headache but it's not any worse than before and my vision is good too. Everything alright with you?" I replied swallowing my pills.

He leaned against the door frame and shook his head; I motioned to the seats by the pool and clicked off our comms we were made to wear today.

"Kevin, what's going on in your head?" I whispered.

"That was Lou all over again for everyone, one of the worst days of my life and I have had some of them with the SRU and Police; Spike was nearly destroyed that day both physically, emotionally and mentally; he then relived every moment of it…"

He was holding back and he knew I saw that he was, I reached out and he leaned back slightly before taking a breath and controlling himself.

"I know it was traumatic; if I didn't have to do what I did last night then I would have prepared everyone better. I know it was horrific…." I started to reply.

His eyes snapped up to me and he stood up violently from his chair, his emotions written across his face as he paced the small area we were in.

"You don't know, you don't know cause you weren't there seeing the day turn into a nightmare and we had to watch as one of our friends committed suicide to save his closest friend – to see Spike scream for hours as he dealt with his emotions in a very public area! How could you possibly know?" he replied angrily.

I stood up and kicked back my own chair; he had a point that I wasn't there, but I had witnessed my own horrors and they were traumatic to me; what he didn't know is that I was sent more than one of those video messages to my private email account – they haunted me.

"I know because I was sent the footage of that day, I heard the screams and they join my nightmares every night! I know what that day was like because I watched as a friend committed suicide with my weapon in front of me seconds before I was blown up. I know what it is like because last night was the second time I have been blown up by a Propelling Charge – but this time I didn't lose anyone!" I said back.

The doors beside us opened and Ed ran in with Sam to find me standing up and facing Wordy; I was keeping my temper in check as I knew he was stressed about seeing his friend in danger and the events of last night – but his comments were just wrong.

"What the hell are you guys doing – the echoes go right around the lower level and we heard most of it! Wordy, head back to the gym with Spike!" he ordered.

I looked at him with tears in my eyes and then down to the floor to count in my head to get rid of the tears; the door closed and Ed stood in front of me, trying to give me the 'glare of death'.

"Alright Mackenzie listen up! We are going to go have a talk with Sarge and you are going to let us see the videos you were sent; you are obviously shielding us from them and you promised honesty to us….I don't want you to talk right now!" he said stopping me.

"Grab your water and we are going for a chat and you are ordered by your team leader and Sarge to disclose all Intel you received – do I make myself clear?" he continued.

I looked up and him and nodded.

"Perfectly Sir!" I replied as I headed out the room.


	18. Chapter 18

It took me the two minutes from the closed off pool to the main briefing room to calm down, Ed had his hand on my back and was drumming out the breathing pattern for snipers to count too; He knew I wasn't pissed off with Wordy, I was more concerned about who could target my family if I am not there to help them? We headed into the room and I took a seat beside Parker who had just finished making notes on my incident report and was signing off on it, he pointed to the headset lying on my shoulder, he frowned and got Ed to shut the doors; I slumped down onto the chair and blew out my breath.

"Mac, let us see the videos you were sent," he asked gently.

"They aren't pretty boss and I have people working on the sender information through my contacts!" I whispered trying to spare them the bad memories.

"Let us see the videos Mackenzie, they are in the past and we need information!" Ed whispered.

I passed him my phone and I went for a walk beside the window to look outside; I climbed onto my favourite perch and touched the glass to feel the coolness through my fingers.

Jules being shot by a sniper

Lou committing suicide to save Spike

Wordy being shot by a grief stricken parent

Parker being kidnapped and laid wide open

Ed taking a Scorpio shot

A young man screaming over a girl's body on the road.

I closed my eyes and saw the video flash through each person on the team, hearing and seeing them at their worst moments during that day and having to deal with the fallout. The video had stopped and I leaned my head back against the pillar while taking a deep breath as the video of me getting blown up in the desert happened over and over again. A loud beep and I knew I had received another message; I kept my eyes closed as they clicked on the link and watched events unfold last night – all I could hear was Spike scream.

My headache was getting worse, instead of the mild salsa music I normally had going in my head I had full blown death metal with added acoustics.

_'I am in control, breathe through the issues and compartmentalize the Intel – work through the questions and find the answers!' I thought to myself._

I was hunched up on the shelf, squeezing my hands together to sort the information out and figure out questions I would need for todays 'interrogation by Toth' – that I was dreading and would happily do a years' worth of clean up instead of doing that meeting. I felt someone join me on the shelf, they didn't try to touch or speak to me, they just gave me the space to breathe and sort myself out. I opened my eyes and found Spike sitting across from me, he had a goofy look on his face and I burst out laughing, it was his post-coital face and I couldn't believe he was imitating it at work.

"Thought that would work, didn't want to try the real thing and get fired!" he replied laughing.

I nodded and wiped away a stray tear from my eyes, he was looking brave for my benefit, but I had guessed he was watching what was going on in the room via the video cameras outside. I looked up at him and he nodded to the unspoken question – he had seen them.

"Spikey, I am so sorry, I know it couldn't have been easy for you – for anyone of you in the team." I whispered.

He held up his hand and shook his head, he knew how different I was now since doing the two month tour, how much more open and detailed I had become; he was half in awe of the fighter that came back with a vengeance when it came to family.

"I love you and that will never change, I want a big family wedding, picket fence around the house and crazy dogs and hyperactive kids around my ankles every day for the rest of my life – but I have one request – you cannot hold this kind of information back from us because you think it could harm us. Greg did that to us once and he nearly died in a meth lab, I've done it trying to diffuse bombs and I lost friends – you are vital to me to function properly and I nearly died watching you disappear in the explosion last night."

Tears ran down my cheeks, I brushed them away and felt Spike pull on my fingers, playing with the small tattoo of a cross on the inside of my thumb.

"I know I heard you scream my name and get through the doors, I was only just out when I crawled onto the props – as I said, that few minutes sucked!" I replied taking his hands.

He raised my chin and I noticed the small dimple coming out in his cheek, he was thinking something naughty and his eyes were wide open.

"Speaking about sucking, we need to explore that particular…." He started.

"Shut up!" I hissed laughing as I struggled from his grip on my ankles.

He pulled me into him and I laughed into his shirt, he was laughing too at the very obvious red face I had and the weird looks I was getting from Ed as he opened the doors again. I looked up at Spike who made the face again and I was laughing again as I was pulled out the room to treat a wrist injury in team five.

Three hours later I was standing in the locker room in my full dress uniform putting my hair up into its bun; I had to get my jacket and skirt altered slightly due to the weight I had lost and muscle I had gained. I looked myself up and down in the mirror and put on my jacket and grabbed my bag that had my notes, ID and weapon I had insisted on taking. I straightened my back, took a deep breath and headed out the locker room holding my hat under my arm. I looked up and saw all four teams standing there with their phones out taking photos of me and Sam who were in our Sunday best, I groaned and looked at Sam who was laughing.

"They have never seen us in our uniforms – glad to see the regiment colours on you again though!" he whispered.

I laughed and looked at them all before we started getting out pictures taken in stupid poses – they dragged Jules up to be with Sam and Spike with me – I knew that photo was going in the yearbook!

Twenty minutes later we were all talking to the boss when Winnie got the call to say the car was here and we needed to leave to make our flight, I gave everyone a hug and headed out with Sam in tow. Spike and Jules followed us out and made sure we were alright to leave and had everything, it was really sweet and I swore I would behave and Toth would be alive by the time I was finished. I gave him a farewell wink and 'sucked thumb' sign and he nodded and laughed – that was going to be our private code for we are alright.

The flight was only a couple of hours and we talked about what could happen, what probably would happen and that Toth was just a moronic arsehole who needed to be used as target practice. We landed at the back of 10am and were transported up to the base by convoy due to the classified status of the base; it was a huge compound and one I understood that Sam knew very well. We were delivered to an officer who transported us down the lift to a large room where a man was leaning over a desk; he turned around at the sound of the knock on the door.

"Ah Constable Braddock and Fraser, please come in and make yourself comfortable before we get started," he said as we entered and closed the door.


	19. Chapter 19

Clusterfuck of a Nightmare was the only word I could put to the ordeal that I was getting put through right now by Toth and his team, they delved into every topic possible and tried to get me to react so they could snag a weakness. Sam had me covered from outside where he was ordered too, I was mentally controlling myself and just letting them ramble – giving me the time to find out what they actually knew or where planning.

_'How does Constable Scarlatti deal with your issues?'_

_'Do you ever think of just leaving, giving up on those who depend on you?'_

_'With the death of Lewis Young and your partner taking it so bad, do you find he drags your emotional state down with him as he deals with his PTS?'_

_'Are all your PTS needs being met? You rushed off into a war zone due to unknown subjects coming after you – your Sergeant must believe that you are a wildcard and unfit?'_

_'Do you still have suicidal tendencies? Your actions last night suggest to me a deep rooted depression….'_

My head snapped up at the one.

Sam had been asked to sit outside for a few minutes to give us privacy and he was monitoring the conversation using some of our gear in case we got Intel, I could hear the slight shuffle of the chair and I knew he had caught the bit of information that no-one else should be aware of.

"My actions last night – and how would you know what happened last night?" I inquired.

He looked at me and I could see the back peddling he was doing in his head, he had got cocky with his questions as I had let him ramble on for a good twenty minutes. I smirked and started to get off the seat; he tried to stop me.

"You can't leave without being cleared and I am not finding you fit for duty at the SRU or any place of work!"

"You don't have the authority to dictate to me outside military channels, and you sure as hell cannot stop me from leaving this building under my own power!" I hissed back at him.

Two guards came in from the other door and stood beside Toth; he was judging the situation and then shit hit the fan in epic proportions.

"Remove her to the facility!" he ordered.

The door burst open and I was grabbed by one of the huge guards, I fought my way out of his hold and slammed my heels down his legs and broke his nose with my elbow. Sam tackled the other guard and got him in a sleeper hold while I tied them both up; I had hit Toth during the tackle and he was just picking himself up from the floor when I slammed him against the wall.

"Why are you doing this to us? What possible reason could you have to start a psychological terror project on us?" I demanded.

He stayed quiet and I punched him hard in the ribs; Sam tried to pull me back but I was too angry to let him go. I turned back to Toth and stared him in the face as I showed him the videos on my phone – giving him the close up of my nightmares.

"Who are you working with and why do they want us? Who is it Toth? WHO IS TRYING TO KILL ME?" I shouted at him.

I knew we would have to get out of here soon and I would need to leave Toth here or shoot him – personally the second option was my favourite option.

What happened in the next twenty seconds was the second part of the nightmare.

We heard shouting and I was dragged away by Sam, I got away for a second and turned back to Toth who was coming after us with a weapon, I wanted to kill him but he still had vital information we needed. He aimed his weapon at us and I took low aim and blew out a hole in his leg; he went down screaming in the corridor and I slammed the exit door to give us a chance.

"MOVE IT!" ordered Sam as we ran through the corridors.

It took us twenty minutes to get back into the main corridor ten levels up and the alarms were going nuts for a forced evacuation since we had started a bin fire on the second floor. We climbed the stairs and jumped the keys in the office for the Hummer outside – we were going to have to drive back out of Ottawa and then to Toronto – roughly a 12 hour drive!

We ran for the vehicle and a flash of something caught my eye, Sam had seen it too and we stepped back holding our weapons high; I caught sight of the figure again and the breath went out of me and my knees felt weak.

_'That's not possible, I watched him shoot himself with my gun!'_

I got my faculties back as another shot rang over us and we headed to the vehicle and slammed the accelerator down as I drove out the compound and through the gates. I was keeping my breath under control and kept control of the hummer over the rough roads into the territory – I had no idea where I was going and had to follow Sam's directions.

He started to get quieter an hour later and was listless in his seat.

"Sam, are you alright? SAM!" I shouted to him.

No response and I could smell blood 'SHIT!'

I switched the lights off and pulled into the side of the road near a pile of cut trees, I ran my hands down his chest and arms and came away covered in blood near his upper arm and shoulder. I got out my tactical knife and cut away the material to show the double tap he received as we had run out the main building; I checked his stats and climbing into the back seat, pulled him onto the long bench and laid him down flat. The kitbag we had left in this hummer was full medical kit and I put pressure dressings on his wounds and hooked him up to the mini IV lines with some morphine to at least numb the pain. I clipped the finger monitor on him and checked his vitals again while I wrapped a blanket across him to keep shock at bay. He started to stir and his training kicked in automatically as he saw my face that was covered with blood – he just didn't know it was his blood.

"Easy soldier, you're alright – we got out!" I whispered.

He leaned back down and groaned as he saw the dressing on his arm and the bloody state I was from cleaning up, I hadn't been hurt but he had lost a decent amount of blood and I had a cannula in my own arm in case blood transfusion was necessary.

"That could have gone better, where are we?" he whispered hoarsely.

"Currently hiding in the woods so we can rest and I can get changed, were going to drive back to Toronto – probably a 12 hour window. How is the pain, do you need more morphine?" I replied.

He shook his head and I raised his feet and head slightly to keep him balanced on the back seat, I told him I would be back within a moment and headed out to kick a few things, have a pee and then change into my black cammo's we had brought with us in the rucksack Sam had. I checked the back of the hummer to find bottled water and maps of the area, seem these guys had just come back from training and hadn't sorted out their RV yet.

"Okay Sam, I need you to rest for a couple of hours okay, I found a map and I know how to get back home but it could be a bit bumpy due to the roads. If you need anything you tell me immediately alright!"

He nodded and fell asleep as I checked his IV and made sure the bleeding had slowed and stopped to its minimum, satisfied I climbed back to the front and hit the accelerator with vengeance. I couldn't use my mobile as it could be traced so I needed to get to the nearest town to buy another one, thankfully I had cash on me and would be able to get what I needed in the next town – hopefully just lay low somewhere and get friends to pick us up.

A few hours later I had to stop suddenly after going over a really bad patch of dirt track, Sam was nearly screaming and his wound had ripped open due to the bouncing around and was bleeding really badly again. I grabbed the extra IV line and hooked us both up – two times in six months I was donating blood this way – bloody trauma training! The IV bag filled up with my blood and I clamped off the bag and hooked it up to Sam who was out cold due to the shock, checking his vitals they were low but stable and I hung up more IV fluids for him to keep him going. I checked the map and saw that about fifty miles down the marked road was a small town, I should arrive there at dawn and the sheriff should be able to get us a chopper from Toronto Metro. I hit the gas again and twenty minutes later slammed my breaks on outside the sheriff office and ran in for help.

The next few hours were a blur of activity as I contacted the Metro Police and asked for immediate support and rescue to St Simons Hospital; I gave them our GPS location and twenty minutes later a medevac chopper landed in the field opposite where I had parked and we got Sam strapped onto the board and started on medical treatment. I was put beside Sam due to being exhausted and they took out the cannula and patched my arm up; we took off and I saw the Sheriff move the hummer out of the field to where he said he was going to burn it for me so it couldn't be traced. I leaned back against the bench and kept my hand on Sam's shoulder as we headed through the sky towards home.


	20. Chapter 20

**Four hours later in Toronto**

I was showered and changed into my blacks again once Sam hit the surgery unit and I was ordered to take some painkillers for the multiple bruises that were springing up over my hands due to fighting the marines bare handed. No damage to me bar the bruises, think that was a first! Sam was brought back to the recovery unit in a private room a couple of hours later and I got an update to his recovery and any issues they had; It was a clean wound and there should be no issues as long as he lets it heal and does his Physio. I hadn't called the SRU yet due to seeing my team on the news on a call, they didn't need the worry of this at the moment, especially when I saw Spike go in with Babycakes.

_'Be careful Spike – please!'_

I curled up on the comfy seat beside Sam's bed and fell into a deep sleep within moments; the doctor entered and remembered us both from previous injuries and checked the chart – he then left to make a call to our boss.

I don't know how long I was asleep but I woke up to see a stranger in the room leaning over Sam, I whipped up my weapon and identified myself with a gun in her face and my whole body protecting the man laying prone in bed unconscious.

"IDENTIFIY YOURSELf!" I shouted at the woman.

Jules and Ed came running into the room and stared at me in complete horror, I was aimed directly at a killzone and they didn't know if I was moments from killing her or passing out from exhaustion and pain. Ed moved slowly around the blond woman with her hands in the air and pulled her behind him, I lowered my weapon slightly and staggered against the bed.

"Mackenzie – it's alright – this is Natalie, she's Sam's sister!" Ed replied.

I lowered my weapon and clicked the safety back on, I was standing stock still covering Sam's body in the bed and the adrenaline rush was the only thing keeping me going; Ed pulled me out of the room and let Jules go to both Natalie and Sam. Ed took my weapon off me and led me to the waiting room and pushed me onto the couch and let me breathe through the adrenaline rush he knew I was going through; I looked up in fear as the door was locked and he stood in front of the small window and frowned at me.

"What the hell happened up there?" he whispered.

I curled up on the floor where I had slid off and pulled myself into a tight ball, my knees under my chin and my head resting on my arms – it was to reduce the flow of blood and to calm my nervous system down from the amount of tension and stress we had gone through.

"We arrived and met Toth, he proceeded to question me and after getting a question he didn't like he brought in two marines and ordered them to remove me to the 'facility'. Sam was listening in from outside and burst down the door once the men had tried to grab me; we managed to get out of the compound and about an hour later I found out Sam was injured. I managed to stabilize him and transported him to the nearest town where I called for support and then transported here." I said calmly as possible.

I started to rock gently, the adrenaline of the last couple of days kicking in and I knew I was going to be hyper later on if I didn't get everything out my system, I sat on the seat and controlled my breathing again, deep breaths in and out, relax the muscles and lower your blood pressure.

"Okay, what aren't you telling me?" he asked kneeling down beside me.

"Emm, I got dragged through the ringer by Toth, shot him as we ran for it and then…" I started and stopped dead.

A memory flashed through my head.

_'That's impossible…he died by my weapon in a suicide before the bomb went off…it can't be him?' _

"No secrets Mac – what happened?" he hissed.

I went through the memories again, checking and re-checking the face and build, it was him – Toth's nephew was alive!

I snapped my head up and gasped as I jacked off the floor and hit the wall – how the hell could this happen – I saw him shoot himself?

I felt arms around me, pulling me into the shelter of his body and keeping my body contact to maximum and increase pressure, I was angry and felt betrayed by Nathan – we were close friends and I knew he had feelings for me but I kept my distance due to rules. My grief was tied to his death and now I find him alive – fury and betrayal are my primal emotions and it calms me enough to catch my breath and focus again. Ed had caught onto this body language and strengthened his grip around me, prepared to take me to the ground in a hold if necessary.

"Oh no you don't, you're not going all primal on me Mac – get it out of your system now or I will put you on forced leave!" he hissed.

I glared at him and I knew I couldn't break out this hold as my energy was wasting away, another wall cracked and I sagged against him and sighed in defeat.

"Toth's nephew, the one who shot himself with my weapon before the explosion – he's alive and I don't know how!"

Ed stared at me and pulled his phone out, twenty seconds later the knock on the door and Wordy came in; I looked up at him and he took in the scene – I was exhausted and just wanted to kick something then sleep. They helped me up and a few moments later shoved me into the back of the SUV and we headed to the SRU at top speed. Wordy was in the back seat with me, I was composed and quiet but inside was black fury and betrayal – I had witnessed it – how the hell could I have been wrong?

We stopped with what seems seconds later and I followed them both into the barn and saw Parker talk to another man who turned around to face me, it was the CO of Bastion, the one who identified the remains and witnessed the helmcam video in the investigation. I was cleared of any wrong doing and it was put down to enemy IED placement; that didn't help the situation now as this man owed me answers.

"How the hell did this happen? I saw him kill himself at point blank range with my own weapon!" I shouted at him as I walked into the main room.

Most of team three and five were on shift still and they all stopped their workouts when I had shouted at the CO in uniform; Parker tried to stop me coming any closer but I pushed right past him and into the CO's face.

"How the hell did this happen, the team were blown up, I was blown out a building and then ten feet outwards onto the wire – I saw him die!" I hissed.

"We don't understand it either, your video of the raid proves your version of events but the new CCTV stills Braddock took of the compound clearly prove he is alive! We have a massive task force on this as it may lead to a leak within the JTF2 teams and that is not acceptable."

"Neither was you ordering her to attend a Psych evaluation in Dwyer Hill base!" a voice I was so happy to hear shouted.

Spike stormed around the corner holding printouts of the order and by whom, he passed them to the CO and stood to my side, he knew I was angry and I had every right to be. He looked at the paperwork and frowned.

"I didn't send these and they sure as hell didn't come from my office Corporal – the code unit is wrong for Dwyer – it's outdated!"

"What? How can the code be outdated when it's an active unit?" I demanded.

"Active but classified – in our forces our codes change for every unit. K-bar was 112578, the new one ends in 02, it's a secure mental hospital now and is also used for Court Martial executions," he replied.

I stopped and sank on my heels, it made sense now – we were going into a trap as we thought, but we dodged the bullet by a hair because we got lucky! I took a couple of deep breaths and then looked up at the CO who was looking as bad as I was feeling.

"Sir, I apologise for my behaviour. Please keep in contact with myself and Sergeant Parker regarding any updates you have and I would be grateful if you could ensure General Braddock is informed of his son's injury but safety."

He nodded and once I had saluted I headed off into the locker room and collapsed in the showers crying.


	21. Chapter 21

An hour later I was dressed into my gear again and was sorting the supplies out in the call kits we carried, I made sure that they had full medical kits, gear was all neatly wrapped and safe to use and that there was no damage to the actual rucksacks. I completed my inventory and moved on to restocking the weapons locker; something brain numbing to do as I checked each weapon and marked those that needed cleaning. I knew someone was behind me as I restocked the ammo, you could feel the tension in the air.

"You're hurting because you were betrayed Mackenzie, betrayed by those who trained you and were meant to have your back in that hell hole; I can't imagine the shock you must have had in that moment when you saw him."

I put the box of ammo down on the counter and turned around to face Parker who was watching me with concern; I moved out of the locker and sat on the bench and put my head in my hands.

"I think that may be an understatement boss. These guys trained me well, they gave me the tools I use today in this job – I wouldn't be here if not for them. It was the CO who kept me grounded after the attack, who kept me from killing myself one night because I grieved for my friends," I started to whisper.

He looked shocked at that comment, he didn't know about the suicide attempt, no-one did, not even Spike.

"Oh yeah, I tried and he talked me out of it, he knew I didn't have anyone left so he introduced me to JTF2 and I was basically adopted by them; I learned to smile again, to support myself again whenever an IED casualty came in – I learned from the best to become the best I could be. I am a medic who is trained in combat techniques and manoeuvres, I can fire multiple weapons with 97% accuracy, plant charges to breach walls, talk people down from rooftops after they find out their cat died – but I can't control this anger!" I hissed through my teeth.

I was clenching my fists, the constant anger and grief was welled up inside me and I needed to let it go before it caused me to do something stupid; Greg knew that and he made no comment at my body language.

"You need to learn Mac, we have all had to learn and this is going to be a painful lesson, one I wish I could spare you! Colonel Thomas will keep us informed about any developments – you need to keep me informed about how you are feeling while you are on shift – you can't go into a situation angry as you can make bad choices!" he replied stepping forward.

"I will, tonight I am just feeling very raw that's why I am voluntary doing the restock and clean up detail. Is there any word on Sam?" I asked.

"Yeah he's awake and responsive and Ed has been to see him and should be back shortly. I hear you shot Toth?" he replied.

I looked up at him and a small laugh huffed out of me at the smirk on his face; I nodded in reply and then just started to laugh as I thought of something.

"Boss – SRU 1: Toth 0 – let Ed know I want to see him later on the range alright – I have a request to ask since we are a marksman short."

He caught onto my meaning immediately and shook his head.

"No, not going to happen Mac – you heal people not take lives by shooting them 2km away!" he whispered.

"In my near two years here I have never had a lethal shot and I know it's because everyone thinks I can't handle it; that needs to change as we need to cross train and learn as much about our enemies as possible."

"Still not going to happen," he replied shaking his head.

I took a step forward and he backed off.

"Boss – you know I am right about the cross training and it's not like I haven't shot at people before in the military, the only difference here is the civilian aspect and that is something the SIU deals with. I understand your reluctance, but I have the right to ask this training – Ed basically offered it to me when I first qualified. I'm not asking to be primary sierra, but an extra set of spotter hands would not be a bad thing!"

I could tell by his body language that he was strongly opposed to my request, seems he wanted at least one innocent soul on the team.

"I don't want to put you through the emotional rollercoaster you see in Jules, Ed and Sam after they take a shot from the perch – we need someone pure in this team, someone who fights to save lives and not take them!" he replied.

"What the hell are you guys talking about?" a voice came around behind me.

I turned around and Wordy was standing there with Ed, both of them were looking at us with half concern and half confusion on their faces – they had heard the last part of what I had requested and both shook their heads.

"Train me, I want the training!" I hissed to Ed.

"Marksmanship training, are you crazy?" Wordy replied.

Greg was pacing in front of the weapons locker, he wasn't happy and was probably thinking this was one of my more reckless requests.

"You offered, and an extra pair of hands never hurt anyone and it frees one of you guys to do hard tactical if required!" I replied.

"Boss, what brought this conversation on?" Ed asked.

"Nathan Toth, the man who killed himself before the blast – he has been identified as being alive and part of the unit after Mac. She wants her training, but I am thinking you want revenge?"

I turned to him and shook my head.

"How little you know me. Yes I want revenge – but not at the cost of my conscience and honour and I sure as hell would not break the law and murder a man because he hates me for some reason. You taught me that anyone can bounce around the rainbow, but by training and learning, developing your skills…..you can help them bounce into the right colour and get a peaceful outcome. If that doesn't show you that I am in full control of my faculties and bear no grudge – then we have a serious problem!"

I headed back into the corridor and headed into the range, I took a deep breath and picked up the first weapon to clean and service.

Several hours later the locker room was gutted out and cleaned, the weapons locker was sparkling and fully stocked and I had even finished my paperwork for the week. I was watching the dawn come across the sea from another good perch, I was on the roof under an awning and I was enjoying the sparkling cold air. I heard the door go on the roof entrance and heard the footfalls come across to the small awning; Spike came to join me with a fresh cup of coffee. He didn't ask anything, he just sat beside me and watched the dawn come in as I leaned into him and started to cry.

"What has Toth done to me?" I whisper.

"I swear I will find out when we catch him Mac!" he replied holding me tight.

I curled into him and he rocked me gently as we watched the stars over the lake.


	22. Chapter 22

**Three days later**

We were on a call to a high school shooting in the east side of the city, a rough area that was full of hookers, drug dealers and black market weapons – sounded like London to be honest! We had been on a standoff for nearly four hours as the attackers had barricaded themselves into a room full of young children and adults; I had spent most of the four hours treating injuries and protecting the EMS while they transported the wounded and dead to the ambulances. Jules was struck from behind as we climbed the stairs and was taken by gunpoint, I had laid down cover fire so we could try and get her out but that ended with a gun against her throat. We backed off and Wordy got eyes in on the room and I was called in to assist along with Spike. We met up on the stairs and got into positions.

"Ed, Spike and Wordy – tactical entrance on my order; Mac your with me in the lobby, let's try and get a connection going again with Matt."

We nodded and split up into our groups and I followed the boss down into the lobby and checked over the CCTV and snake cam we had installed through the vents. It was not looking good and the subject was escalating rapidly.

"Boss this is going to end badly, let me get up to the vents in the room so I can see what's going on, possibly create a distraction with the sonic grenade?"

He looked at me, we hadn't mentioned the marksman training since a few days ago but he knew I was right about the location for the sonic shot and distraction.

"Boss, let her do it, the vents are too small for us to get in but she should manage, if the distraction doesn't work then she can be my spotter or tactical entry surprise as required," Ed said through the comms.

He looked at me then nodded; it took me four minutes to run to the vent room and crawl through the vent system – I really hated vents – spiders! I got into position and stabilized myself over the vent and took aim with the sonic amplifier through the large slats.

"Non-lethal in position, I have the solution!" I whispered.

Ten harrowing minutes later I watched as he threatened the lives of everyone in the room with his weapon, no-one else could get a clear shot due to the human shield he had around him and I was in clear sight of him for lethal and non-lethal firing options.

"Mac do you still have a solution?" Ed whispered.

"I have the solution for all entry options but he is escalating rapidly!" I replied.

I could hear him check with Ed, Wordy and Troy, none of them had visuals and he clicked back to my channel and I heard the sigh.

"Mac go lethal, only on my order!" Parker confirmed.

I holstered the sonic grenade and brought my MP5 around to position again, I slipped the safety off and squared up for the shot if required.

"Mac you're confirmed as Sierra, on my order!" the boss whispered.

"Copied, Sierra one has clear visuals and I have a solution," I whispered.

I could hear the negotiations going badly, the subject was delusional and escalating rapidly again; I slowed down my breathing and zoned in to the target and kept focused over the boss negotiating.

_'Sierra One – Scorpio'_

The subject dropped to the ground with a dime sized hole in the back of his cranium; I had just taken my first lethal. I breathed out and put my weapon onto safety as I crawled out the small space and looked at the school kids who were leaving the area. They recognised where the shot had come from and now knew who had taken it as I turned left and headed towards the policeman wearing the latex gloves; he directed me down the stairs to the lobby where the rest of the team was making sure Jules was alright. I raised my hands as the officer and SIU took all my weapons and nodded towards the door and car waiting for me. I saw the others standing waiting for me beside the SUVs and Parker made his move towards me; I shook my head at him and stopped as the Inspector from SIU came over to me.

"I understand this is your first lethal under orders and we can go through everything you may need during the interview, your representative will be there waiting for you and we should be done in a couple of hours."

"Understood," I replied simply.

I got into the car and smiled at them with another 'thumbs up' and a wink to Spike; he nodded back and watched as I was driven off to the SRU for interview.

"She's good boss," Ed whispered to the group.

"I hope so cause the SIU will dig in and get the claws out in this one." He replied.

Five hours, five bloody hours of going over from starting the shift to the nightmare at the school, every single detail was gone over with a fine toothcomb and then scrutinized under the microscope. I went over the victim numbers of the injured and dead, the transcript and the decision to allow me to become Sierra and then the order given and my immediate response. I was released about ten minutes later and informed I would be contacted in due time – I nodded and headed out for a long awaited bathroom break. Ten minutes later I was in the break room chewing on some porridge, I was starving and needed the warmth of something from home, I read the Scottish newspapers online to catch up with what was going on and I was laughing at the stupid cartoons in the paper; the door opened and in walked Jules.

"Hey, how's the invalid doing?" I said waving to her.

"Hey, he's good and should be out in a few days – the prognosis is good thanks to you! I ah, heard the news – everything alright with SIU?" she replied sitting opposite me.

"Yeah standard procedure, told them like it happened and no other issues."

She was looking for the stress fractures as she leaned back in the chair; I grinned and laughed at her expression.

"Jules, part of the job and it is never easy to take a life, but I chose to apply for this role knowing what it involved. I have taken lives before in the field, it is rare for me to do so, but I have done it. Right now, since those leeches are finished with me, I'm just relaxing, munching on my porridge and then going to do my paperwork." I replied.

"You really have changed you know that. Whatever you went through in Afghanistan with your squad, whatever you needed to do – it worked. You seem stronger and more capable of dealing with the emotional fallout; I don't think your PTS was ever memory based now, I think it was all emotional based as being a medic; you're compassionate and empathetic to the pain of others." She replied as she smiled at me.

I fished in the pockets of my combats and passed her a small coin across the table, we both ended up laughing at the symbolism of the joke and after I washed my bowl out, we headed to go see everyone else in the area.

We were off the next couple of days and it gave me time to get things sorted with a training schedule for the newly rebuilt pool; it had been renamed in my honour as the only person to have caused structural damage to the barn – seems I was setting records for the future generations. I logged into the secure website and put up the advanced warning notice of the training schedules and when they would take place for each team; it was going to be an exhausting week but well worth it to see the whole of the SRU able to dive properly. Spike was away getting some DIY stuff from the hardware store as we decided to merge the bathroom and closet together to make it more accessible and smooth the layout of the house. The house phone went off and I headed off to get it in the bedroom closest to me, sitting down on the chair I answered it and had Winnie on the other phone.

"Winnie what's going on?"

"Team four have been involved in an incident that could be Biological, Hazmat and Decon are already on the way; the team are locked into a vented room in the basement of Dundas and George and Ross needs support," she replied.

"Copy that Winnie, I'll meet them at the RV point and have the rest of the team alerted not to eat or drink anything!"

"Copy that!" she replied.

I ran into our bedroom and got out the dress and put on my black cammo's and black t-shirt after I strapped on my combat boots and grabbed my gear from the library. I jumped my stuff into the car and hit the sirens as I sped off into the city to meet up with Team Three and the rest of the gang. Thankfully due to the alert that had gone out and the police clearing out a couple of streets, I made good time into the city centre and parked up outside the cordon line; I flashed my ID to the uniform on the segregation and he let me through. A few moments later I got into the CT and met up with Ross and the heads of Hazmat and Decon.

"Doctor Kelli and Doctor Garver, this is Officer Mackenzie Fraser SRU. She is our Bio-Terror expert and medic – thought some extra hands on deck would be beneficial." Ross introduced us.

"Good morning guys, what do we have?" I asked.

"Team four walked into a trap that released a fine white powder into the air through a device set into the doorway. There was no warning and no tripwire of any kind so they proceeded inside to find their subject. We think we can rule out Saran and Ricin due to the fact they are still alive so long after mass exposure but until we get down there to start tests, we won't know for sure and can't start treatment." Dr Garver explained.

"Protocol standing that you cannot enter the building with an armed subject running loose, do we have eyes and ears?" I replied.

Ross showed me the surveillance Team three had started and got into place in the different levels, all vents had been sealed by Team four and they are resting to conserve energy. He took me over the layout of the area and the plans of the huge basement network that ran under the full building block, it was going to be massive to search.

"Alright here is an idea that might work! Our team is resting in this room on the black wall, we need to set up a mobile lab space close to them to save time and my guess would be here," I pointed on the map.

"I can do a check of the area around that room and as long as I find no trace of white powder, then we can close off certain areas and get our guys out into more suitable environment. We would need maybe thirty minutes to do the full sweep of that area since I can only allow myself and Ross to go down."

Ross nodded at me as I looked up at him for support on the plans, he had roughly the same idea and we adapted it to have some of the showers built into the doorframes to save space and for the Hazmat teams to be ready to unload the gear we needed at a moment's notice. We grabbed our radios and we headed off to get changed in the Hazmat gear in the next tent and also to debrief about Team four since we couldn't do it in front of civilians.

"What channel is the team on?" I asked putting on the Decon suit and strapping on my radio for the SRU teams.

"Channel one for the moment and Brian is on channels two, he was injured and it has been treated but it makes him a bigger risk to contamination."

"Copy that!" I replied putting on the radio for the other teams and getting zipped up in the big yellow suit.

I was ready at the top of the stairs after getting my vest and combat gear strapped to me so I could reach my weapon as required – they weren't happy we were going in armed, but with an active subject in play, we had to secure that threat before the other. We checked with each other and then proceeded down the stairs into the basement and started running through the corridors and doing sweep checks – this could turn into a long day!


	23. Chapter 23

Thirty minutes later we had secured the main area and also found our subject hiding in a small corridor that was not on the floor plans, as Ross removed the subject I came across a small lab burrowed away in a dark room, it was covered in old chemical bottles and storage containers that dated back to the 1920's. I looked through them all and bagged ones that could lead us to find out what agent the other team has been exposed too. I heard the crews setting up the equipment in the corridor and I headed through to them to grab some gear from the technicians so I could start testing. I double knocked on the door and called over the radio to Brian, the leader of Team four.

"Brian, its Mac – I need you to open the door and then stand back alright!"

"Copy" called a loud voice.

I walked through the open door and saw everyone sitting around the table covered in white powder but looking seemingly unharmed, minus Brian who had been slashed across the arm. He was my first target as I verbally checked with everyone else. I washed the wound out and wrapped it up in a secure bandage, taking care to remove all traces of blood and used dressings.

"Alright guys, I know swimming lessons are old school but this is a little extreme to get out of them!" I said lightening the mood.

They all chuckled and as Ross came back into the room, we got started on drawing blood from everyone and taking samples of the white powder for analysis. We let them know the updated SOP and what was happening next due to the Hazmat and Decon showers being readied for their arrival; I moved Brian first and then one by one they were hosed down and transported by secure units to the hospital containment ward.

"Alright, we have enough samples and it's time for the teams to come in and scrub the area, we need to get these to the lab outside and get started on its analysis," I said grabbing all the samples and following Ross out the basement.

I kept tabs on the team as they were transported and as I stood in the huge showers outside on the pavement I got a call over my radio from Parker and the rest of the team.

"Hey, love the outfit Mackenzie! Which tellytubby are you?"

I looked at Ross who was laughing in response and I grinned considering these suits were pressurised and contained our oxygen supply too, I clicked on my radio and as I walked out the showers I waved to them on the other side of the pavement – they all waved back and were taking photos!

"Guys, your meant to be a highly skilled team of combat technicians – do you want me to get my team ready for early physicals?" I said laughing.

"Aw that threat doesn't work with us anymore, Spike told us what a big softy you are with him and he would be the first to run!" Wordy replied laughing.

"You do realise all I have to do is point to you over there and yell 'contain!'"

That shut them up and I saw them put away their phones and look about the place innocently; I laughed and headed to the technicians who helped me unzip the suit and relieve me of the tank strapped to my back. I passed the containers with the samples to the lab technician who was ready for them and told him I would be ready in a moment after I gave an update, I ran over to the cordon line and stopped them crossing the secondary barrier.

"Team Four are looking good for the moment and Brian is being treated for his injury on route to St Mike's Hospital, subject contained and he has been transported for processing in that truck over there – the Federals are dealing with him for the moment due to the nature of the chemicals found. I'm heading to start tests with Dr Garver and Dr Kelli of Hazmat and Decon; I'm on the radio if you need me or contact the hospital if i don't answer."

"Copy that Mac – you really didn't want to start the DIY did you?" Spike asked.

I looked up at him and grinned.

"That's man's work Spike, that's why Wordy was coming across and we were having a bbq tonight!" I replied.

I saw Wordy lean over the Spike and heard him whisper 'busted!'

"Guys I need to go alright, see you at the barn when this is finished with!"

I ran off to the mobile lab truck and we headed off to the hospital.

It was the back of six at night when I got out of the hospital, it was a crazy day that started at eight and finished an hour ago after finding out the results of the tests we were performing; I had gone into the containment unit with Ross and gave them the good news:

"Please tell us its good news?" asked Tony and John.

"Talcum powder mixed with corn starch and a strain of the common cold." I replied handing them the test results.

Everyone just looked at me as I handed them the results I printed out.

"The device you tripped released the powder that had been contaminated with the virus, it was kept alive by a moisture strip and sugar; we went over the results three times to check – worst thing to happen to you is a runny nose and a headache. You are being kept overnight just in case and I have bags from home for each of you and as long as there is no lasting effects, you can be home for lunch tomorrow!" I continued.

"Talcum powder and the common cold, that's what we tripped?" Brian said disbelieving.

"I know it doesn't make sense to me either, but we've run the tests multiple times and it's the same findings. Think you managed to get a lucky break!"

I was surrounded by a very happy team and Ross passed everyone their bags as I left them to chill out, I headed up to the main reference lab and handed over copies of the results to the investigators and Federal researchers who were on standby; ten minutes later I was dropped off at Dundas and George and picked up my car from the uniform on standby.

"That's good work today Officer, shows the SRU are cross trained!" came a voice from behind the car.

I turned around and saw another uniform come down the small pathway, he was in full uniform and I wasn't aware of any ceremonies today but he looked striking in full regalia.

"Doing the job Officer, award ceremony?" I replied.

Something didn't feel right with this guy and I was backing off slightly, I clocked another three uniforms on the pavements moving in my direction and I knew instantly that this was trouble; I stopped and reached into my bag to get my car keys, the man flinched slightly and I wrapped my hand around my firearm and pretended to search in my bag. A flash of someone moving and I dropped my bag as I ducked behind the car when the first shot rang out.

_'Aww for the love of…'_

The other uniform had dropped beside me and stayed down, I crawled across to him and felt his pulse, He was dead, bullet through the neck; the sound of the gunfire and the cordons around the area had kept people out the danger and I peeked over the bonnet of the car and ducked as another shot rang out and hit the side of my car. I ducked again and then took aim and shot the first attacker at close range, he wasn't getting up again. I checked with the reflections in the buildings and had seen one of the other uniforms had made a run for it and the main one was still getting closer to me through the pillars in the plaza; I could hear the sirens that were about ten blocks away and I knew it was my team. I took another look and after getting shot at again I fired and heard the man yelp in pain.

"You can't hide from us Fraser, my employer wants you badly and he is prepared to do anything to get you! Why don't you just come out and save the pain you put your friends through on a daily basis?" he shouted.

"Go to hell and take Toth with you! I never want to see him again after what he put me through, what purpose does he have with wanting me huh?" I yelled back.

I was checking the reflections again and I bounced up and aimed at the figure hiding behind the last pillar, he was wounded and unstable on his feet. I knew that could be a trick and I wasn't wearing a vest, so I kept behind my car and shouted over to him.

"Looks like I scored you a sore one, how about surrendering and it can get seen too?" I shouted over the sirens now blazing a block away.

"I have a message from Nathan Toth. He said for you to be ready."

It was silence for a moment and then I smelt it, a strong smell of almonds being roasted; my brain clicked immediately and I ran to the car and pulled a scarf out and wrapped it around my face tightly and pulled on some latex gloves that I kept in the car. I took aim and slowly headed over to where I could now see a dead body lying across a small garden box, by the colour of him he was past all help I could get him. I kicked away his gun and then turned back the way I came at a run as the smell of almonds was too strong. I ran up the path coughing and headed smack into a couple of cops who immediately drew their weapons on me.

"DROP YOUR WEAPON OR WE WILL OPEN FIRE!" they shouted.

"My name is Mackenzie Fraser of the SRU, badge number 1314; I have been attacked by these men and defended myself!" I yelled over the sirens.

_'Great, so it wasn't SRU sirens!' I thought to myself._

"GET ON YOUR KNEES, HANDS BEHIND YOU BACK!" They yelled.

I had unclipped my magazine from the weapon and kicked them over to the officers who must be unfamiliar with SRU personnel; they kept their weapons trained on me and within seconds I was lying flat on the ground handcuffed and getting dragged up onto my feet.

_'Fantastic, they think I am a cop killer!'_

"Officer, I am a member of the Strategic Response Unit and I was attacked in broad daylight after attending a Biohazard threat this morning, I defended myself and want you to contact my Sergeant!"

"SHUT UP!" he yelled at me.

I was moved to where my car was and pushed down onto the pavement with a little too much force for procedure, I stretched my shoulders out and waited on the Calvary coming to my rescue; the other officer found my car keys but not my bag that contained my shield and ID which could be problematic for ID purposes. I heard a second set of sirens coming around the corner and I was moved into the back of the squad car and driven to the main station to be processed.

Two hours later I was dropped off at the barn with full apologises from the officers who arrested me, it didn't help that they had contaminated the evidence for the SIU investigators but I was hoping the incident was caught on security footage so we could get a lead on who started this crappy day! I walked through the backdoor entrance and headed up to desk to get blank report files so I could do the paperwork before anything else happened to me!

"Mackenzie just had a call from Metro – they contacted Ed and he is on the way in with the rest of the team after apologising to him about earlier and the lack of respect given to a fellow sister!" Winnie called a while later.

_'Aww double crap with crunchy bits!'_

"Sorry Mac, they contacted him because of SIU!" she apologised.

"S'okay Winnie, saves the briefing!" I replied.

I knew they would be here within twenty minutes due to traffic so I headed off to get a coffee and file my records with Winnie – as if right on cue, by the time that had been done they all came running in.

"Hey guys – really need to stop this before it becomes a habit!" I joked.

They all looked like they were about to blow several gaskets.

"What the hell happened – we thought you were in the hospital until we got a call from Ross saying you had cleared them and left hours earlier?" asked Spike.

"Well I got back to my car at Dundas, spotted something wrong and then all hell broke loose. Two subjects went down by my weapon, officer from 14th was KIA. Third subject killed himself with Cyanide capsule; that's when I was arrested and moved to Metro for processing by some dumb ass rookies! How was your day hunny?" I replied looking at him.

"Are you alright – did you come in contact with the cyanide?" Spike demanded.

"Nope, smelt it quickly enough and took precautions; also alerted the crew of the dead body and it was a biohazard threat – that didn't get taken very well and I was further arrested for terrorism threats!"

I was standing there in the middle of the meeting room and I just started to laugh at the priceless looks on their faces, one by one they all started to laugh along with me and within moments we were sitting around the table howling with laughter – Winnie and Team two must have thought we had lost it!

"Seriously, this week has been unreal – what the hell is going on?" I said drying my face off with a towel.

Parker appeared at the door and took a look at us, we were all red faced and drying our eyes on anything we could find; he walked in and just looked at Ed who was cooling his face off with a wet cloth.

"You guys been eating the mushrooms outside?" he asked.

We all burst out laughing again and I went over to hug Parker and drag him to the library for some privacy from the lunatics in the meeting room. He looked at me and I patted the seat opposite me so we could talk.

"Are you alright – why didn't you call for back up?"

"Didn't have time as it happened so fast and I had to take cover; it was Nathan Toth's crew, he sent them as a message to me to be ready – I don't know what that means but it's obviously a threat of some kind." I replied.

I was pacing again, sorting out the information in my head and getting information in order to go over the details; it was really annoying trying to do so when my heart was beating too fast and I was exhausted. I sat back down on the chair and looked at him.

"I tell you what, tonight I can start a basic profile on the guy, get all the details up on the system and make a few phone calls to find out more information about what could be going on. I've got contacts in Interpol, Mossad and the US State – maybe they can answer some questions!"

He kept on looking at me, staring into my eyes in the way he profiles you; it always made it impossible to lie to him once he knew your tell.

"Greg, I did not bring this on myself and I am dealing with the fallout of everything pretty well, I don't want to scream or shout, run away or do something stupid – I just want to go home, shower and have some food."

He kept looking at me and I sighed, I got up and headed to the door with a wave – he called to me softly and I turned back around.

"You break my heart every time you walk away – why can't you just tell us what is going on in your life?"

I looked at him and walked forward, did I just hear him right?

"What?" I whispered surprised.

"Every time you have walked out on a conversation you take me apart; you are a daughter to me and I need to know how you are handling these events in your life? Why can't you just tell us?"

"I am being honest with you, I have just said I am going to do a profile pack for you tonight and hand it in; where you even listening to what I said?"

"You are not fine are you?" he asked, taking my face in his hands.

"No I'm not fine, I am terrified of these bastards coming after you guys, I am terrified of waking up each morning and maybe finding Spike dead beside me! Or hearing of a mass murder in a police station on my day off – there is a lot of things that I am not fine about but I do my best with what I have left! It's not easy boss, I am 28 years old and I have been blown up several times, shot, nearly turned into a roman candle and had to deal with a personal death toll of 500 people I had to pronounce in a single week. I can't sleep some nights because I'm too scared to close my eyes. In other nights I crawl into bed and am thankful for being able to survive one more day and that everyone I love is alive and safe!" I yelled back at him.

He grabs me tighter and I clasp his wrists, something is wrong with him and I don't know if it's the stress or he is actually going to freak out on me?

"So you are afraid! According to the police report you stood up undefended and took two subjects down, the third committed suicide after delivering a message to you." He replied.

"Yeah, and I told everyone that earlier on – what's your point?" I demanded.

I was getting annoyed now, I was sore and tired and had to deal with SIU while at the station downtown due to the incident – I wanted home for a bath and comfort food but apparently I now had to have a serious chat with boss.

"Your being reckless with your own life, and you don't even know you're doing it!" he replied.

I actually took a step back at his words, I never asked for any of this crap to happen to me or anyone else and I sure as hell didn't want it to continue anymore!

"You are so out of line!" I said shocked.

I turned back around and walked out the room; I grabbed my bag and jacket and called on Spike who met me at the desk with a grin and a cuddle.

"Ready to go home?" he asked smoothing my fringe.

"More than you know!" I replied looking at Parker.

He looked towards Parker and then back at me, he instantly saw there was hostility and turned to the boss, Parker looked at him and I tried to tug Spike away so we could leave.

"What's going on guys?" he hissed.

"Nothing, difference of opinion on recent events – come on, I want to go home!" I replied pulling him towards the exit.

"Mac, stop and listen to me!" Parker pleaded.

I turned around at Spike's touch and faced him, I was seriously pissed and just wanted to go home, and he guessed we argued in the library but he wanted to find out why!

"Please be careful, talk to us and let us help!" he pleaded again.

"_Se sostenete me come tua figlia, impara ad avere fiducia il mio giudizio e stop trattare me come fragile vetro - sarà sbagliare, ma io sono spaventato e voglio a tutti di sicuro" I called to him._

Spike would be the only other person who would understand what I had just said, it was personal and I was hurting; Spike jumped on the sentence and looked at us both since we were both red eyed.

"Mac – what the hell is going on between you too?" he demanded.

I looked up at him and wiped tears away.

"I just got grounded!" I hissed and walked out the SRU.


	24. Chapter 24

I was silent in the car on the way home, I was too exhausted and Parker had hit a nerve with me considering recent events; I never asked for this crap to happen, but claiming me as a daughter and then grounding me was a step too far and it hurt. I clocked Spike looking at me as he drove us home, we just wanted to crawl into bed and feel safe as we wrapped ourselves around each other and fought as one.

It was the back of 3am that I woke up in a mess, I got up and went to clean up in the bathroom and decided to head down for a glass of water, I sat at the piano and gently touched a few keys on the old stand-up I had bought for the house. I turned around and started to gently play a song I had found online and fell in love with, within seconds I was fully playing the song and singing along – getting the stress out my system on the keys and pedals; I didn't hear the soft squeak of the forth stair that signalled I had a visitor.

"Mac, we need to talk or you won't deal with what happened yesterday," a voice whispered behind me.

I turned round and nodded, I took his hands and we cuddled up on the couch under the blanket; I had already dealt with the stress of yesterday morning, I was just pissed off with Greg's attitude towards me. Spike pulled me under the covers and soothed my sore muscles, I curled into his side as I climbed onto his lap and rested my head on his shoulder and played with the leather bracelet around his wrist.

"Talk to me Mackenzie, something happened between you and Greg, what is going on?" he whispered.

I pulled the cover over us better and snuggled deeper into his arms, my head under his chin and I felt his other arm snake around my waist and wrap around my hip – it was a sign and promise of a session later on.

"I went to update Greg on what happened during the day and during the incident afterwards, he went all profiler on me and after I had told him everything that happened and passed him the CI number to check – he made a comment that surprised me, and then insulted me!" I started.

"What did he say?" he whispered.

"That I broke his heart every time I kept something back, that I was his daughter and I recklessly risk my life to ensure my teams safety. And to be honest, I went nuts at him. I know with all the crap recently he must be having a coronary and it's not a healthy dose of stress to deal with but…." I replied.

"But?" probed Spike.

"I have sucked everything up recently and dealt with it the best I can, I sure as hell am not perfect and will never try to be; but I am there immediately for anyone who needs me. Parker basically condemned me and now I don't know if I am going to be on the team?" I continued.

Spike pulled me up his lap and I snuggled in as I wrapped my legs around his waist; he just held me for a few minutes and let me get the tension out of my shoulders as he knew I would never get to sleep again with this much stress. He pulled us me in tighter and kissed me gently, it went no further as exhaustion hit me and I was slumping on his shoulder.

I woke up the next morning at 11am, I had sleep solidly for seven hours and I lay in bed and stretched, the door opened and in walked Spike looking all hot in jeans and shirt, I grinned and sat up.

"That's a sight to wake up to Mr Scarlatti, think I can get an encore before I have to go train with Ed?" I asked innocently.

"Would love too but Ed is downstairs," he replied.

I fell backwards and drew the covers over my face.

Twenty minutes later I was walking downstairs in jeans and top and stopped at the bottom to put my boots back on, I was so ingrained into wearing them I owned about four pairs and not much else in the footwear department. Ed was outside talking to Spike with a coffee and I grabbed my jacket while putting my hair up in a tail to keep it out the way, I grabbed a coffee for myself and a bowl of porridge that Spike had heated up for me – he hated the stuff and nearly threw up the first time I made it for him – he got his cocopuffs after that! I walked up behind the two boys and rocked on my heels gently, it was a trick I loved playing on people to give those frights and it normally worked.

"Good morning sleepy head – ready for some fun in the range?" he asked.

I stopped rocking and laughed gently, he hadn't turned round and I knew he had just sensed me with his other senses; I scoffed into my porridge and headed out the door to join them on the patio.

"How the hell do you eat that stuff?" they both asked at the same time.

"Squaddies breakfast, you become immune to the taste after a while!" I replied laughing.

"What's the plan today, straight onto the range for a re-qualification?" I asked.

Ed looked at me and nodded – little did I know they were going to do an intervention between Greg and me to stop the argument we had yesterday.

Wordy was due to come around at lunchtime to help out with the DIY upstairs and I had left plenty of snacks for them due to not getting the BBQ last night; I kissed Spike as we left and Ed drove us towards the range. We talked about yesterday and how I was dealing with it and that if I wanted to talk then I just had to ask. I nodded in reply and checked my phone when it beeped.

"Team four have been released, no lasting issues and the labs have come back clean – good news for all of us!" I updated him.

"Good to hear, talcum powder and a moisture strip with the common cold virus on it – why would someone pull that kind of prank?" he asked.

To be honest I had been thinking the same thing and I had a disturbing thought last night when I went over the profile packet I had created; it was something that one of the men had said to me about 'cross-training'. I suddenly sat up straighter and it clicked,

"Dammit, they lured me out!" I said suddenly.

Ed looked at me and after a few moments pulled into the hard shoulder and stopped the car, he turned around to me and asked me to explain.

"After 9/11 all countries went to high security and all government agencies cross-trained with Hazmat and Decon specialist units, in case of a bio-terror attack, the army were called to give homeland support and the local governments started new legislations for what powers the different agencies had in these situations. The SRU was one of the agencies due to being a gun squad – the protocol would be for us to go full tactical and have full access to everywhere in the city, no matter if it was private property or whatever. The one thing that is not known outside the legislation is that if the main subject is found, they are taken to a military base and sealed in the bunker while tests are performed."

"Okay, I knew that much – but you're talking about a 'typhoid Mary' scenario, is that a possibility?" he replied.

"It's one of the biggest fears the agencies have due to logistical nightmare of tracking outbreak patterns, incubation times and the method of transmutation; in other words if its transdermal or by direct contact, can it adapt and go airborne and contaminate the city quicker. If that would happen then it's only a matter of time before the city would collapse and mass panic would start – basically 28 days later for the laymen!" I replied.

"You said that they 'lured you out?'" he asked starting up the SUV again.

"By using our own protocol against us and having our own team members call in the ERT. It's SOP for contamination that they can't identify, once that call is made to 911, the procedure is to secure the site with help from local police units, clear the area but contain the public within the cordon site and then the ERT would set up its mobile lab and Decon unit. I should never have been called yesterday, I'm not officially part of the ERT until it's declared by law – the only reason I was there was because it involved an SRU team and had an armed suspect within the local AO."

He looked at me and revised everything that had happened yesterday and some other odd chatter he had heard from the news, friends and contacts within the emergency services. He also thought of the strange behaviour from Greg he had noticed, it was like he was seriously stressed and harassed about something? He looked back at me and started to summarize.

"They drew you out, they knew you would go and support your fellow teams as SRU Medical protocol overrides downtime. That's a clever plan Mac, they known our procedures and are trying to get to you from within the teams itself," he replied.

I nodded and racked my brain for further indicators and evidence.

"And then all they had to do was wait for me to come back from the hospital after Decon and try and take me out; they didn't plan on me being prepared with a weapon in my bag, and then when the last man gave me the message, he chews on a cyanide capsule."

Ed looked at me and then pulled back onto the road; I knew he was thinking about the logistical nightmare that this could turn into and probably running through what drills to brush up on. I had already started a list of my own and had emailed Commander Halloran some ideas for the SOP guidelines.

"Is there a specific reason you wanted to do a re-qualification today?"

I looked at him and then back onto the road, there was a specific reason and I knew he was going to go thermal.

"Parker is away today on training, I want you to put me through the basic marksmanship brief." I replied.

Ed looked at me and frowned.

"Thought he had vetoed that idea for you,"

"Yeah well considering we are a man down for a possible month and you're the one when I first started to offer me the training – I thought I would take the offer up today and Halloran gave me the ok."

"You're going against Greg's wishes; no I'm not doing it!" he said as he turned the car around.

"Ed, am I a member of this team?" I demanded.

"Yes of course you are but…" he stuttered.

"But the boss doesn't think I can handle the constant trauma of being a Sierra. So in other words, in his eyes – I'm not a member of the team!"

The car slammed to a stop and he turned around to face me.

"You have been through a lot of crap in your short life and I know it hasn't been easy to deal with the emotional trauma it has caused, you made so much improvement over the last year it has been amazing to watch as you have just shined in our team and made us all better people. But that stunt you pulled going back to Afghanistan – out of line on so many reasons and it broke everyone up – Spike and Greg included. We lost you for over two months and then you suddenly reappear and tell us it was to protect us from a danger we hardly know anything about? Then you are targeted three times in under a week and go thermonuclear on your boss because he laid his emotions out on a plate for you to see!" he hissed out.

I sat there and nodded, there was no use to deny it as that's what I had done to everyone and Greg; I knew he loved us all, but he had a soft spot for Spike and me because we were the youngest….and the most likely to put ourselves at risk to complete our jobs!

Something clicked in my head suddenly and the look on my face must have shocked Ed enough that he shook me hard, I looked up at him and then I vented my anger.

"_Quel figlio di puttana!" I hissed through clenched teeth._

"What's wrong?" Ed demanded.

"Get to the barn, we need to speak to Greg!" I demanded.

As usual with Ed his loyalty and danger sensors kicked in and he spun the car back around and hammered down the highway, I clicked up the number for Halloran and waited on the pickup.

"Commander it's Mackenzie….yes sir…I need information urgently about where Parker is right now for his training? Is he in the briefing room or the shoot house?"

"He cancelled the training as he received a visitor and needed to leave the station for a while. They were heading into the library when I passed them a moment ago!" he replied.

I looked up to Ed and he saw my face, he slammed his foot down on the pedal and hit the cut off for the station.

"Commander, evacuate the building and bring two radios and our weapons to the main car park….don't argue with me or I will schedule you for an enema!" I shouted down the phone.

"What's the word?" he demanded.

"He cancelled his training after getting a visitor; I'm going to log in to the system and get eyes in and see what's going on!"

We arrived at the station a few minutes later and met up with the Commander and Winnie who had organised themselves in the CT; we grabbed our vests and weapons from the locker-box and headed inside.

"Winnie, get the rest of the gang down here and patch live feed to my phone and Ed's so we have a clear LOS – Commander, describe the visitor for me?"

"Black male, 20-30 with a distinct facial scar." He replied getting the photo up on the screen capture.

"What the hell is going on here Fraser?" he continued.

I looked at the photo Winnie had brought up for me and I spat out a string of crude words that made everyone look at me, I clicked my knuckles and then reached over for the box with my name on it.

"This man is a marine from Dwyer – he was also in the square!" I replied.

The Commander had very quick reflexes when it came to discovering danger around those he commanded, he must have sensed my internal warning alarm hit the highest alert and signalled to his teams to be ready to move.

"Alright, put Team three onto black walls and Five onto the Red walls and swimming pool, make sure they go onto channel four and only enter on our command. Ready to go Mac?" he asked after giving the orders.

"Troy, take your team and stay in contact with command, do not enter without our command and do not take any chances, these guys are special forces and lethal! David, team is our backup on Red Wall – again, do not enter without command!"

Ed looked at the two teams getting into position and once they were ready he turned to me, I was strapping everything on and tied my hair back, I slipped on my knuckle gloves and clicked on my comms.

"Ready?" Ed whispered.

I finished strapping on my body armour and locking in the extra magazines into my vest; I nodded and we headed off through the main entrance to find our boss.

We cleared the areas one by one and Winnie kept us updated with location markers on those still in the building so we could clear them out in case this turned into a shooting gallery. After a few minutes we got a view of where Parker and the marine were; they were in the long corridor leading to the personnel records, what the hell were they doing going along there?

Ed had slipped down the second corridor from the lifts to do a sweep and still hadn't met me at the back of the dispatcher desk, I clicked my radio and called on him gently.

"Ed, do you copy Winnie's last message?" I said seconds later.

I stopped. He was going to check an area that we knew was empty but he wasn't answering his radio – shit!

"Winnie, check the surveillance from earlier on and make sure it was just one man who entered the SRU?"

"Copy – Mac it was two men, the second went through the pool window that was being replaced – I missed him the first time Mac!" she replied seconds later.

"Team Five, be alert for a male subject who is dressed in black and looks to be of Caucasian features – we have another player!" the Commander ordered.

They all copied me and I alerted all of them to the disappearance of Ed, my guess is that he had been overpowered or taken hostage which was hard to do, I heard a double click over the radio followed by six – I knelt down to where I was and clicked back locker room entrance in Morse code. I headed over to the weapons locker and grabbed some more weapons in a bag along with some flash bangs and pitch grenades – I picked up a few CS grenades too just to clear a couple of rooms out if necessary.

"Mac, coming in on your six from the outside stairs, meets you at your locker!" Wordy whispered over the chatter.

I did a quick sweep of the locker room to be safe and found it empty, I headed over to my locker and dragged out my gloves and knee pads, thirty seconds later Wordy, Spike and John from Team five joined me in the room and crowded around the tablet I had set up of the cameras in the record room; the feed was being patched through Winnie and I had zoomed in on where the three men were.

"Afternoon gentlemen, ready to kick some ass?" I asked greeting them.

"What the hell has happened?" Spike demanded as he pulled me to the side.

"Argument with boss last night and the talk with Ed earlier on, he made me see something I completely missed because I was too focused on Nathan's actions. What Parker told me, he told me in Italian – I have never heard him speak Italian and I sure as hell have never seen him display that kind of emotion to me before? It clicked, Nathan Toth is dual citizenship, Canada and Italy – he was dropping me a hint that he had been contacted and was under duress. He told me it hurt him every time I walked away…..have you noticed how easily depressed he has been the last couple of days – he's been pressurised and trying to hold it together!" I explained as best as possible.

Spike looked at me and then nodded, I turned back round to update the new team that had joined me and show them the clean areas.

"Where are they exactly?" John asked looking at the layout.

"In the corridor between two and four that leads to the annex and storage room, best way to do this would be splinter team along this corridor and I can climb this ladder to the vents and through to the light decking above them. On the signal you enter through the door and I can cover the boss from above. I know, you don't want me to be Sierra, but the light fixture only carries 127lbs, and the donuts are showing boys!" I replied to their question.

They all looked at me and I shrugged my shoulders, I would need to stop baking and bringing it in for everyone!

"I can get Team five to cut the power to this section on our entry and if we use scopes then we can have the element of surprise; our biggest issue is that marine, he looks huge!" Spike whispered.

"He is over 6ft 4, built like a brick tank and is trained by the SAS, trust me and use force if needed. We have the go for 'Scorpio' as needed." I replied.

"He looks injured, he's limping and that gives us an advantage if he tries to run," Wordy replies as we get ready to leave and head for the annex corridor.

"Yeah he has a GSW to the upper thigh near the groin, it's a through and through and bled like a stuck pig!" I replied taking point.

"How can you tell from the camera?" another voice came.

The Commander had been listening to what we were organising and had given full permission to go lethal as required, we just weren't allowed to make a mess of the record system or we would be in trouble.

"How can you tell where he is injured?" asked John.

"I gave him that wound at Dwyer after he shot Sam!" I replied.

Silence from everyone.

"Fair enough – go get our guys team!" called the Commander.


	25. Chapter 25

We all headed through the main atrium and towards the door that would lead us to the annex, Spike had to work his magic on a lump of C4 attached to a detonator that would send shrapnel everywhere if the door opened; after that was cleared we split up and I climbed up the narrow ladder and through the vent system towards the light fixtures was accessible.

I heard raised voices and a single shot ring out….

"Officer and subject down, we need Evac for John immediately!" called Spike.

"Spike they can't come in – get him stabilized and then get yourselves out of the building!" I ordered all three of them.

"Mac you need back up from your location, wait for me to return!" he yelled.

"No, you need to fall back and let me deal with this from above, just have EMS on standby and a cup of coffee for me – I think I found that cooler leak that Babycakes was complaining about!" I replied dropping into a puddle of freezing water on my stomach.

My radio was soaking wet and I had to take it off in case it electrocuted me, which was the end of my link to the outside world, I climbed along the vents for a further twenty meters and climbed out onto the narrow lighting strip that ran across the open plan Annex; it was a huge area full of file cabinets and then I caught a lucky break of seeing light bounce off a shiny surface. I climbed along the fixture and around the side of the second level to get a better vantage point; I drew my hand gun and found a nice spot which overlooked where Parker and Ed could see me from where they were tied up in the corner of the room, I looked about for the marine and was suddenly grabbed and thrown across the narrow barrier and down ten feet into the middle of the room. I landed on my back and shook my head as I saw the marine pick up his rifle and take aim.

Slow motion is probably the only way to describe what happened next.

I reach for the bag and pull out the second hand gun I had hidden there, I rolled onto my back again and took a deep breath and pulled the trigger, the man's head snapped back as he collapsed over the barrier and landed in front of me dead with a bullet hole just above his right eye. I heard a noise and remembered where I was, I flipped onto my stomach and crawled over to my team mates and untied them; I did a quick eye check on them and they looked physically fine but I wanted them both checked out. I got onto my knees and pulled out my mobile to call Spike and give him the all clear.

"Mackenzie, you got your training!" Ed said picking up Greg.

I turned around and nodded before kneeling beside the marine, I checked for life signs but found none and sent a quick prayer up for him; I got back up and helped Ed with Greg through the doors and out of the building to an ambulance waiting on us.

"Get yourself checked out boss, couple of those knocks look serious and you might have a concussion; we'll be here if you get released later on." I told him handing him across to the EMTs.

He looked up at me and grabbed me for a massive hug, he was in shock and needed treatment, I leaned into him and whispered in his ear.

"Papa, go to the hospital and I will come and pick you up later on, we are all okay, I just need to stay with Spike and Wordy for a while and then speak to the Commander."

Ed eased us apart and got him loaded into the ambulance, he patted my shoulder on the climb beside Greg – he had tears in his eyes. I nodded and closed the doors and watched them head off to the hospital; I turned back and headed over to everyone else.

"Braveheart – that is officially your codename now Mac!" the Commander said.

I looked at him and started laughing…..that was until the SIU walked over!

"Aww shit – it's McAllister and he is a stickler for rules – Commander, any help here?" Wordy asked.

"Got you covered Mackenzie," he replied.

"See you soon hopefully!" I said walking over to them.

I put my hands up and the officer and SIU agent removed my weapons and led me to the SRU entrance where I would be kept until I was moved into an interrogation room; I had to keep my hands up, but I winked at Spike and clenched my fingers together to give him a 'thumbs up'.

"What is with that signal between you two?" Wordy asked.

"It means she is okay and handling it – geek talk!" he replied.

He nodded and smiled as he saw where Spike's eyes were watching.

"Aw man seriously – marry her already!" he said laughing.

He grinned.

**Ten days later**

Ten calls in three days was above norm for us, but our final day on the 10 day shift rota was just ending and it had been a bloody nightmare; some college kids decided to play a massive prank on one of their lecturers and it backfired badly as the campus police witnessed what they thought was an armed kidnapping in progress. We got called in and it ended up with me doing a suicide intervention while the others dealt with the larger group; let's just say I had to use my imagination after fluffing up again – took a jump off the climbing frame and managed to grab him before he snapped his back on the grid bars forty feet below us.

Back in the barn we were doing some negotiator training for my benefit as I was still struggling with some aspects of the psychology; the others were ribbing me on the mock quiz that I had failed by a landslide – I could negotiate with anyone, but some of the theories just confused the hell out of me.

Parker was pacing the room in front of the projector, he just didn't get how I couldn't grasp the fundamentals after all my medical training – to be perfectly honest I was so brain fried that nothing was sinking in apart from exhaustion.

"Defence mechanisms and ego anxiety go hand in hand in these types of situations Mac, you can't talk someone down by wounding their ego!" laughed Jules.

"Oh alright so if I put it this way: Jules your combats make your ass look big and your Remmie makes you shorter – would that be classified as Psychoanalytical thinking?"

I got slapped across the back of the head.

"Thank you Jules and yes it would! Your ego is very fragile and has to deal with a lot of conflicting emotions, but add that to anxiety, it's a dark place for someone to go who doesn't want to feel their pain." Parker explained.

I rolled my eyes and stretched my ankles that were killing me, I wanted out of here and it wasn't happening as quickly as I wanted!

"I get the concept boss, but in all honesty Psychology is full of skeletons and abusive research conducted on dogs and children with learning disabilities – I never got it doing my training and I don't get it now. To talk someone down from a ledge all we need is honesty, a little background information and active listening skills so we can show that we are listening to them and remind them of happier moments in their life. I know it's not black and white, but as someone who has been through a LOT of therapy – I have never once been profiled for Pavlov or Erickson or Freud!" I replied leaning my head on the table.

"Okay, is there anything of psychology that you do know about?" Ed asked.

I sat up and blinked.

"I understand 'The Bystander Effect' – which I get because we deal with it every day on the job! Social theories and behaviourism are not my strong suits, but maybe it's because of personal issues – I need practice alright!"

He rolled his eyes in frustration, he wanted home too but was determined to drive this into my brain pan and give me a shit load of homework!

"It's more than practice, you actually have to get the ideas behind the psychology, understand different stimuli affect people differently based on their own personal experiences. You should know this – you use psychology in your daily life as nurse in the field, when you're treating victims of crime with us – is it the language you just don't understand?" Parker inquired.

"I don't know – I just want my bed right now considering you pull me into training after delivering four babies and that was after six previous calls!" I said yawning.

Everyone was smirking at me, I had turned from hard tactical entry squad to midwife within two minutes – I yawned again and Parker laughed as I dozed off slightly and a quick shove my Jules had me snap back to attention in the chair.

"Alright gang we can take this back up in two days, go get some well-deserved sleep and I will see everyone tonight for this damn BBQ!" Ed replied.

I grinned at Spike and between Wordy and himself they pushed me out of the room on the roller chair and into the locker room so I could get changed, twenty minutes later I was waiting on Spike coming out of the locker room and I was chatting to Team four who had finally gotten over the cold.

"See I told you, coughs and sneezes spread diseases!" I said laughing.

"Oh that's original Nurse Fraser – hey guys that's how we can start a new team – SRU Midwives Team One, founding member Mackenzie Fraser!" Brian yelled laughing.

I chased him along the corridor much to the delight of everyone else and seconds later he was chasing me back out the room as a huge spider came out the room – it didn't help I didn't know it was robotic and Spike was on the control end. I ended up on the table pointing CS Spray at it and him howling with laughter as they all hazed me.

"You bunch of….." I yelled as they picked me up and carried me about the place!

It was lunchtime before we managed to get home from the SRU and we were both exhausted, we tripped into the house and after grabbing some food we headed upstairs to bed.

"I love the end of 160 hour weeks!" I said stretching in bed.

I looked over to Spike who was lying on his stomach fast asleep, he was exhausted as well due to a couple of scares we had and doing forced tactical manoeuvres on several subjects. I leaned over and kissed his shoulder before getting up and heading for a shower – my brain had woken up and I wasn't tired anymore. Before I could get out the bedroom a voice called to me from the bed, I turned back around and found Spike sitting up looking at me.

"Can't sleep?" he simply asked.

"Nope, was just going to get up, shower and then go shopping for everything we need tonight; you should sleep, you really need your sleep after those bomb scares!" I replied.

He pulled me back into bed and snuggled into me, he still smelt of C4 tar and the chalk he used to grip his tools; I stifled a giggle as I leaned into him.

"Something funny Nurse?" he replied snuggling up.

"You smell of tar and it suits you, Eau Du C4!" I said laughing.

He snorted and laughed into my shoulder at the joke and pulled me on top of him, I got settled and he ran his fingers down my arms and across my waistband of my shorts – well, his shorts I should say.

"I'm not tired either!" he said pulling me down.


	26. Chapter 26

The BBQ was a huge success and between Spike and myself we got all the food organised and I let him play with the homemade BBQ his dad built years ago – he made a happy whoop as it caught fire; since Wordy and Ed was the proclaimed 'Kings of the Grill', I let them do the cooking so I could chat to everyone else as they arrived. It was just after 6pm that Sam and Jules arrived with Parker and his son Dean; I headed over to greet them and got two massive hugs from them both.

"Hey boss, hey Dean – how you two doing?"

"Good thanks, are those ribs ready?" Dean asks looking at the hot plate.

I laughed and nodded as he ran across to the table and grabbed some food, Spike was fighting with him over grabbing the last ready burger, I walked with Greg over to the kitchen so he could get a couple of drinks and we went for a seat on the couch inside so we could talk.

"Did you get some sleep this morning; Spike said you have been having problems again?"

"Nearly didn't but I managed to drift off and got a few hours, I'm just fried boss; it's been a hellish 10 day rota and I'm a little sore!" I replied.

He looked at me and nodded.

After I had left the SIU interrogation ten days ago, the team took me out for a meal and a good chat once we knew that Greg was being kept in overnight for observation; we headed to see him afterwards and he explained that he had received a letter from me saying I was leaving the SRU; he had broken up about it as he was the one who supported everyone else through the times that I was sick and on stand-down with the military. He was the one who supported Spike with his decisions and grief I had put him through.

"Boss, I am not leaving you guys again, they played on your weakness and vulnerability – it's PsyOps to the letter! JTF2 have training in this field and some people are experts at creating self-doubt and stress in others so they fly of the handles – that's how they got to me."

"She's right, Toth was part of the military psychology programme with involves these types of operations, we all took part in one during K-Bar and it seriously screwed people up." Sam replied.

"The emailed videos I got are part of your lives, you told me yourself that you have all learned to live with them and accept the painful realities of what happened; but it is still a very raw weakness in your mind and that is what they play on. They attack your rational thinking, they attack your confidence so you are incapable of dealing with events safely – but now we know what they are doing, we can manage the process and deal with what happens in our environment." I replied.

We both headed out the back when we heard the others arrive with their families and the backyard was suddenly covered in confetti and streamers we had made up for Wordy's daughters – they loved it and were running around the place like crazy. I put Parker into his seat and grabbed a soda as Spike was trying to hostage negotiate Dean to release a pile of ribs – everyone was laughing as Dean took cues from Sam to start munching them. I watched as Jules did a sneaky little trick and Spike went in rugby style and covered Dean in sparkly stuff – the place was in hysterics.

I looked over at Spike and shook my head as I was laughing, he grinned back and was snuck up upon by Dean who loaded the full glitter tub over his head and then got chased about the place by all the kids.

"This was a great idea Mac – just what we all needed after this last month," Ed said standing beside me.

"It was wasn't it, they look so relaxed now and it's great to see!" I replied greeting him, Sophia and Clark.

I sent them around to the guys and went to collect the mail that had arrived from a courier, the marker came from Afghanistan and I ripped open the packet and found a single dog tag, COD and a file from Toronto Path lab. The tag belonged to Nathan Toth, it was the one I ripped from him before he supposedly died; the death certificate was a copy of the original form – what the hell was I doing receiving path reports?

I wished I had never opened it.

I clipped open the file and flipped over the first blank sheet to find autopsy pictures of a previous member of our team lying on the ground in various pieces. It was obvious that he had stepped on a landmine and been killed by the explosion due to the lower limb damage. I closed the file and swallowed the bile in my throat, so that's the carnage Spike and the team had witnessed as their friend died; I looked into the courier packet and found another piece of paper; it was from a member of SF in Kandahar.

_'TangoHelo down, information found.'_

I sat on the stairs and looked at the dog tag, it had been a couple of years since I had seen it as I put it away in my file for safe keeping, I clenched my fist around it and rode out the wave of emotions I was feeling over the news and mail I had been sent – there was no way in hell I was expecting this today!

One of Wordy's daughters ran down the stairs suddenly and I looked up to find Shelley looking down at me from the top of the stairs, her face was frozen as she clocked my reaction to the envelope on the stairs beside me.

"Mackenzie, are you alright?" she asked sitting behind me.

I wiped my face quickly and nodded as I picked up the mail quickly and shoved it back into the courier packet before anyone else could see what it was; I smiled at her and showed her the tag in my hand.

"Yeah Shelley just some news from friends abroad, everything's fine. Are the boys behaving outside?" I replied changing the subject.

"Yeah everyone's having a great time, it was a great idea for tonight and it's good to get the families together after a rota like this. How are you holding up after everything?" she replied as we walked into the kitchen.

I passed her kids some juice boxes and her glass of wine and headed out onto the porch to watch the carnage of a mini food fight between the kids.

"I'm getting there because of these guys," I replied, looking over my family.

We stood there chatting for a while and posed as we got our photos taken by everyone to put in the album, we just wanted one afternoon full of fun and laughter before the start of work again and I was sure as hell going to give them it. I headed back to the fridge and pulled out the desert trays, I had found old recipes by Michalina, Spike's mom, and tried to copy them to make some cakes; I managed to make Cannoli's for the adults and decided on jelly and ice cream for the kids – and any adults who wanted it!

I was sorting everything out in the house for the kids to watch some TV or play games in the living room as the adults were on the porch having some quiet time to ourselves since the kids had run wild all day; I got out the coffee and hit the kettle to brew up.

"Shelley was saying she found you crying on the stairs?"

I turned round and leaned against the cabinet, Wordy was leaning against the door jamb holding the youngest of his daughters who was fast asleep, I led them to the living and switched on the baby monitor while put her in the travel cot to get some sleep.

"I got a package about half an hour ago," I replied.

He leaned up and faced me; the look on my face was enough for him to go get Spike who arrived seconds later with concern on his face.

"What's wrong?" he whispered as I pointed to the crib.

I held out my hand and showed him the dog tag, he took it and checked the ID scripted onto it. He looked up to me and frowned.

"I got a package about half an hour ago, it contained this and a COD for Nathan; there was also a message for Sam and me regarding Kandahar – one of our team mates was murdered while on leave." I replied.

"I'm sorry. Why did they send you the dog tag and COD though – that makes no sense?" he inquired gently.

"Those items were in my secure file in the MOD, I left them attached to my personnel file so I could deal with them at a better time, someone has accessed those files and our team mate was on leave to find out whom; I think he was discovered and murdered just after he sent the documents to me."

He just looked at me and I shrugged, there was nothing I could do right now about it and we had guests who were going to ask questions if their hosts went away to the barn. I headed back through to the kitchen and stuffed the parcel in my rucksack to conceal it for the time being; I took a deep breath in and out and headed out to the patio again to chill for the rest of the night.

I went to the barn the next day while Spike was away doing some guy stuff with his cousins, I had called Greg and asked him if he could meet me there in a couple of hours, he agreed and I secured the meeting room to do some research and make some calls to some contacts. Next thing I knew it was after 5pm and I had been at the barn since 9am pulling nearly every favour I could remember and getting information from my contacts about what the hell happened – the answer was not good.

I had gone through the details and info they had sent me via email and connected the dots as much as I could, the information was all there and it was following the chain I knew PsyOps followed; I had even gone through Young's Autopsy report that I was sent. I was fried again and had spent about an hour going for a swim to relax before I got the call that Parker had arrived. I headed back up to the room and stopped at the door as he followed my map I made on the computer connecting all the information to photos, locations and trying to tie down all the possible leaks we had.

"I was hoping a fresh pair of eyes on this might help me sort some things out, but considering you are a leak in the chain, it's almost a moot point." I said quietly.

He looked up and I saw his shoulders drop, he felt like he had betrayed me and I walked over to him and turned him around to face me.

"I don't blame you Greg and I sure as hell do not want you to blame yourself – these are military mind games being used against us – they work!"

"I thought that by giving him what he wanted he would tell me where you were and I could contact you, he had photos of you, video and audio – showed me his toolbox of what he could use on you." He replied.

It clocked to me that the men had really done a mental number on the boss, playing to his paternal instincts and showing him what they would do to members of his family; I caught the look in his expression and took his wrist before he left the room.

"Greg no secrets remember? Are you dealing with what they did so soon after you healed – are you still going to speak to Luria?" I inquired.

"Yeah I go every little while to catch up, work through some issues and stress,"

He suddenly looked up at me and frowned, he had clocked what I had used on him and he chuckled.

"You're using my own training on me?" he asked with mock anger.

"Of course, best training I have ever had – I was winding you up yesterday when it came to the psych stuff – I know my behaviourism, Stockholm and Social theories like the back of my hand – you forgot I worked in mental health for a year with the QAMC." I replied grinning.

He laughed and I gave him a strong one armed hug as I took him through the maze I had made on the computer, it looked like a spider web but was very basic and coded to branch off when new information was added; it was a good while later on that I stopped us as the display was seriously information heavy and I didn't want to keep him later than planned since he had plans with his son.

"Do you know who the next target was on their list?" he asked as he looked at the print out one last time.

"Yeah it was Spike. They didn't send a bomb or anything, but they were going for a more primal approach – they were going to send him Lewis' autopsy video – that's what my friend managed to send me before he was killed. Thankfully I opened the mail from the courier and not Spike." I replied.

Parker just looked at me and closed his eyes – I never knew Lewis but I knew he was like Spike's brother and it was a huge shock and tragedy to the whole of the SRU when he died, Spike took it the hardest and that is why he is so protective during bomb calls. He looked up at me and frowned as he noticed the file in my bag, he picked it up before I could reach him and I told him to stop and not to open it.

"Please don't put yourself through that, it won't serve any purpose and will just upset you – put it back down and remember Lewis as he was!"

Parker glared at me as he held the file in his hands, he has never even seen the file and he was directly involved with the SIU and retrieval squad – he looked at me horrified.

"You've seen this, you know what happened? You've read the file?" he demanded.

I nodded in response and snatched the file off him before he opened it, I put it back in my bag and sat on the table rubbing my face to wake myself up a bit; Parker was pacing and blowing off some steam, I was braced for the impact.

"You do realise that they are torturing you as well by showing you our worst moments? That they will go for your vulnerability double quick to lure us out!" he shouted back at me.

"Yeah I'm aware of that boss! But since they think I'm not telling you guys anything and keeping everything bottled up – you guys are my secret weapon! Trust me I have thought this through that is why you are getting this before I need to break it to the team." I replied calmly.

He looked at me, seeing the difference a few months had made to the person who was a wreck from PTS and ran after she had saved his life, after she thought she caused him harm. I was standing straight up, eyes looking straight at him and completely relaxed as he got his emotions out; he had a right to be angry, someone was going after his team for no reason, someone was going after me for a reason we hadn't discovered yet – I allowed him to get the stress out – the one thing I knew he needed.

"Feel better boss?" I whispered keeping Winnie out the room.

He sat down on the chair and blew out a hard breath, his shoulders slumped again and I passed him a bottle of water.

"Look this is all I can do for now and we start at 5am; we both need to get back to our families and rest up for tonight. Do not think about what they told you anymore than needed – it was a horrible trap for them to use and we will get justice but I need your enormous brain to be clear thinking and ready for what is promised to be a fun rota!" I chipped in.

He looked up at me and I grinned, he chuckled and nodded before standing up to check the computer rota; he stopped dead and looked over his shoulder at me – I grinned even bigger and laughed at his face.

"You're putting us through our diving tomorrow and Tuesday?"

"Yup, two days of swimming and diving skills, learning how to use gear and what you can do underwater in Canada." I replied laughing.

"What are we going to learn in a pool?" he asked.

"The basics tomorrow and on Tuesday we are meeting up at the Marina Point and going for a swim. You'll get more details tomorrow, training starts at 8am."

Spike was staying for a bachelor party tonight so I decided to stay at the barn and get things sorted out for tomorrow, I got everyone PADI documents and textbooks, sorted out the wet gear and the tanks that had arrived yesterday morning and even cleaned every single regulator and checked each BCD for flaws. It was solid work checking everything and I chatted to Team three who were on call as they pottered about the place on quiet moments or I was treating their injuries as required. It was just after 4am when they headed out to an armed robbery in the subs of the farmland and I was called to the desk by Keira who had someone waiting for me.

"Darren!" I called as I headed up the stairs.

He turned around and grinned as I came running up to meet him; giving him a massive hug I let him go and stepped back to take him in, it had been a few years since I had seen him while doing my training but I was delighted he could manage to help me with the accreditation while he was stationed back home; I took him to the meeting room and we managed to have an hours chat before the work began and we headed off to the pool to get things set up.

"Mackenzie Fraser Memorial Pool?" he asked looking at the sign.

I went red.

"Yeah, I got blown off the top diving board by a PC and took down a chunk of the wall and roof in the explosion." I replied.

He stared at me in horror.

"You were targeted with a prop charge and…wow…these guys are really after you huh!" he replied as we opened the door.

"Yup, too bad they aren't going to get me though!" I replied.

I showed him where he could go and get changed and said I would meet him back in the corridor so we could get all the gear moved to the pool side for a final check; ten minutes later I was suited up in my wet suit and zipped up my shoes and gloves. Darren came out in the same gear and we headed back up to the meeting room to wheel down the gear and get everything laid out for the activities.

"Thanks for doing this with me, I needed a second and I heard through the grapevine that you were back home, thought you may like to meet the guys and maybe even do the shoot house with us later in the week – teach us some new moves?" I grinned.

He looked down at me and chuckled, I still had that cheeky look about me he quickly discovered in Skapa and he knelt down beside me to help get the books off the trolley.

"I want to meet this boyfriend of yours, been hearing about him from Carrick – he says good things and I want to check my sister in arms is being pampered!" he replied ribbing me.

"Oh I am, Spike's great and so are the rest of the team, think I finally found somewhere to settle! Oh and just because you are SEAL doesn't mean our team can't beat you in simulation games!" I said pushing him back.

I had left a message for the team on the changing room doors to just come to the meeting room and not to bother getting changed, Parker was the first one to arrive and he clocked I hadn't gone home as planned.

"I'm good boss, just busy with the training prep!" I replied to his silent question.

He nodded and headed into the room where he grabbed a bottle of water and sat at the table to wait on the other slow coaches who hopefully were ready for a day of fun and games; by starting time everyone was ready and present in the room and I walked in with Darren, we had slipped on some track bottoms as it was a little close to wear skin tight clothes in the first level and a lot cooler than the heat of the pool. We had also gone for a good run around the building a couple of times to get our systems oxygenated for the dives we were doing today, I winked at Darren and pointed to Spike who was a little bleary eyed.

"Good morning campers – how are you this fine winter morning?" I called loudly on entry.

I got six groans and a laugh from Wordy who was watching something on his phone; he clocked me looking at him and put it away saying 'sorry.'

"Why aren't we getting changed and getting the week started?" called a very happy Jules.

"Oh don't worry, you'll be getting changed shortly!" I replied.

The guys were giving Darren a look up and down, he was over 6"5 and probably 180lbs of muscle, normally armed to the teeth and had numerous medals and awards under his belt – but that was just his SEAL work.

"Team One please meet my diving partner Commander Darren Webster USNS. Darren this is Sergeant Greg Parker, TL Officer Ed Lane and Officers Jules Callahan, Sam Braddock and Spike Scarlatti – the big kid in the corner watching SpongeBob is Officer Kevin Wordsworth – Wordy to everyone who loves him."

"Good morning everyone, nice to finally meet you all – JTF2 and a few others have told me about your ass kicking skills and insane idea to adopt this idiot here!" he replied to their greetings while pointing to me.

I smacked his arm and he mouthed 'Ow' to everyone as they chuckled at our play acting, most of them were now realising what I had just said about Darren and Sam was staring at me.

"Your diving partner is a SEAL?" Sam asked.

I nodded and smirked.

"Yup he trained me when he was in Scotland ten years ago, been best friends ever since and we meet up occasionally to go diving, Sam was SF and joined the SRU two years before I did and took the rookie spot!" I replied.

It then clicked in everyone. Diving partner, me not changed into my gear – they all groaned in unison and Darren and I just burst out laughing.

"Come on guys, down to the pool and let's get you organised!" I called.

Six chairs scuffled back and they all shuffled out of the room, I whispered to Spike and he nodded as he drank the water and sucked down the pills I passed him.

We got to the pool and I handed them the marked packs that contained their wet suits and accessories and told them to go get changed, Darren and me set up the white board and grabbed our books and started to laugh at the doors opening and closing quickly – bless them they were shy!

"Guys, come on!" I ordered.

One by one they all came out of the changing rooms, they were slightly pink around the ears as they weren't used to wearing skin tight clothes – well I didn't think they were anyway? Darren was quick as a flash and took a couple of photos for the scrap book, I was laughing at their faces and attempts to go back into the changing room.

"Alright guys, last person into the pool is a sissy and becomes Darren's partner tomorrow!" I yelled.

Team one had never moved so fast in their lives!

Throughout the morning we got them to do exercises to stretch their muscles and lungs, taught them about the equipment and how to assemble and maintain it properly; even got them to do drill assembly on the gear so they could do it under pressure if needed. I then shoved them back into the pool and took them for their first swim with their gear on and the BCD inflated once they hit water; they were pretty happy about the training so far and had relaxed enough to walk about freely and get ribbed. Darren was still sitting taking photos while he marked off training material and prepared anything we may need for the afternoon exercise and dives. It was 2pm and everyone was hungry so I got them out of the pool and to the other end of the gallery where there was food waiting on them – they were really starving as I had prepared a buffet during the night and it was demolished within minutes.

"Damn, hate to see what your shopping bill is like Mac, that man of yours can eat!" he whispered laughing.

"Thankfully he eats everything and loves the basics – as long as he gets his ice cream afterwards he won't complain!" I replied back.

The afternoon was where both Darren and I got into the pool ourselves, we had kept dry during the morning but to show them the manoeuvres we had to get in – suited us as we were part fish. I pulled off my track bottoms and shoes, tied up my hair in a bun and put my tank in the water to stabilize. Darren and me took a quick run and jumped into the pool and did a quick couple of lengths to get stretched off after lunch, or what we got of it! We swam back over to the guys and pulled on our BCD vests and treaded as we pulled on our flippers and regulated our gauges.

"Alright guys, first dive is happening now!"

We got a cheer that sounded like a deflating balloon; they were just nervous but had done me really proud and were having a blast watching Darren and me slag each other off; I signalled to Darren that I would go down the towline first and take charge at the bottom of the pool as he directed them to me from above. I told them slow and easy and they were perfectly fine in our hands,ten minutes later we were all sitting on the bottom of the pool and I was showing them how the sound of the bracelet I wore was a signal for danger and also how to change the regulator around, pass the secondary octopus to a rescue victim and the dread clean and change your mask underwater. Everyone failed at that at least five times, but they became more confident once they got the hang of it and stayed in control. I signalled to them and got them to stand in a line on the bottom of the pool and wrote their names across their chests in liquid chalk, I did the same for Darren and myself and we started to take photos of them – good as gold they started to pose!

_'Thank you guys – I knew you would love today!'_

After doing the daft photos and another two dives of shorter depth and time, we dropped our BCDs off and did a couple of lengths to break off the nitrogen building up in our systems and got them some water and salt to regulate, Darren and me got the gear out the pool and went to join them a few minutes later; they were all exhausted but laughing at each other.

"So, how did you enjoy day one?" I asked grinning.

They all started to talk at once and we were laughing like crazy at the change of mood since this morning's surprise training, I told them that it was a surprise tomorrow and that alcohol was forbidden tonight and they had to get a minimum of eight hours to be ready for tomorrow as we were going fishing.

Spike was falling asleep in the car on the way back home, he must have had a wild weekend and after the physical exercise of today on muscles he probably didn't even know existed, he was ready for bed. I pulled him into the house and sent him to bed as I sorted out the dive maps for an hour and then headed to bed myself.

"Had a great day, thanks!" came a quiet mumble from the bed.

I smiled and snuggled in.


	27. Chapter 27

**Four days later**

I slammed the accelerator down and drove full speed along the dirt track leading to the farmlands, I had been out on a regular visit while coming back from a deposition at the courthouse and a cruiser had called for SRU back up; I called Winnie and told her that I could be there within ten minutes and had full gear with me since I was on duty. I had hit the satnav and followed the directions to where the cruiser was and cut the siren as I parked up beside him, I grabbed my weapon from the back of the SUV and switched my radio on to all channels so I could update as required. The officer was injured and lying behind his car, he signalled where the subjects had run too and I nodded as I grabbed the mini first aid kit and headed over to him to start triage. I strapped on the tourniquet and called for EMS and back up from whatever team was available to my location ASAP.

"Copy that Mac, Team five will be arriving in ten; they just left the last call."

"Copy that Winnie, track me through GPS tracker, the injured officer has just told me that there is two children hostage by armed man. Weapon is a tactical shotgun and we already have two dead in the house, looks like a murder kidnapping!" I responded as I checked the house.

I put on my backpack and grabbed my map of the area and headed off into the fields to try and catch the subject, I knew it was risky but protocol was to follow but not engage until back up arrived. I hit the fields at full speed and saw the three people at the edge of the forest to the east; I checked my map and found that we were less than a mile away from a waterfall and cliff that was a known suicide hotspot.

"Winnie, subject is headed in direction of Elise Falls, I need immediate back up!" I shouted climbing over a fence.

"Copy, Team Five and Team One are on route, GPS locators are active."

I scrambled through the heavy woods and bushes and knelt down to check the footsteps of the three people, they were laboured with scuff marks – he was dragging the kids to the falls as I thought; I picked up the pace again and five minutes later I could hear the sirens come along the inner fence beside the forest, the two teams had arrived at the same time. I picked up speed again and stopped to listen for anything, any talking, screaming or crying – all I heard was two gunshots.

'Please god! No!' I whispered standing stock still.

"Mac – status?" a voice ordered.

I ran in the direction of the shots, I knew I could get there to help them if I could get there in a few moments time, I heard the Comms channels go nuts with clear orders to follow my tracker; I could hear Parker and Ed call for me to get my position. I ran until I saw the clearing and saw three bodies lying on the ground. I checked the area with a quick sweep and went over to them. The young boys had been shot with a shotgun, there was nothing I could do for them; the adult subject had blown his head off. I lowered my weapon and took a deep breath. This wasn't the first time I had dealt with dead children killed by guns, but I had hoped never to see it here. I knelt beside them both and checked their signs, both silent. I looked at the adult; he didn't even have a neck for me to check.

"YOU SON OF A FUCKING BITCH – WHY?" I screamed at him.

"Mac – speak to me Mac!" shouted Wordy.

"Fraser – respond!" Ed yelled over the radio.

I kicked the crap out of the subject's chest and walked away for a moment to calm down my thoughts, I put my bag down and opened it up to get the thermal blankets out and cover the children's bodies; I chucked the other one across the adult and gave it another kick as I knelt beside the kids and said the last rites in my head, trying to focus on something else.

_"Through this holy anointing may the Lord in his love and mercy help you with the grace of the Holy Spirit? May the Lord, who frees you from sin, save you and raise you up."_

_"I absolve you from your sins, in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit."_

I blessed myself and sat on the ground to watch over them until both teams arrived on site, the horror on their faces was apparent and I got up to meet them as Parker came over to me and led me to the side. He looked me straight in the eyes and I stared back at them coldly.

"Not here! Do not let it out here!" he whispered harshly.

I nodded and Wordy took over my arm and led me back towards the SUV.

We walked in complete silence but could hear everything that was going on, I wanted to turn back but Wordy just gripped tighter and whispered for me to keep moving forward; a few minutes later we were back at the SUV and I sat in the driver's seat that I refused to give to him; he was putting his weapons away and had removed my radio so I couldn't hear what was going on.

"You should not be driving, give me the keys!" he called opening the door.

I shook my head and started up the engine, I knew it was safer for Wordy to be in the SUV if I drove as there was no way in hell I was going to cause an accident when he was with me, I got about halfway down the highway before I had to pull into the side of the road and rush out the vehicle; Wordy slipped out and kept an eye on me as I threw up. I took a few deep breaths and sucked it back up, turning to him I let him drive us back to the SRU and I disappeared into the building after putting away my weapons and gear bag. Spike arrived back with the bomb truck a while later and rushed in to find me, the GPS tracker was still on and he found me at the top of the diving board on the third level crying. He simply knelt beside me and pulled me close as I got the stress out of my system and cried my frustrations out.

It was a couple of hours later that the rest of the team arrived back from the crime scenes, they had to wait for the CIU to arrive and process everything they found before they could leave the scene to the patrols; I was in the lab doing some paperwork for training materials and a school event we had been asked to attend and explain our jobs. Ed and I have been chosen to show the various roles we could have within the SRU and what was required for even getting a referral. The door opened and looked up to see Ed come in, his face was blank as he closed the door behind himself and came across to the table where I was working; he sat down and handed me the folder from the CIU.

"Just arrived by courier," he whispered.

I nodded and put it on the other table beside me so I could deal with it later, Ed was looking at me and I glanced back as he leaned against the chair.

"What's up?" I inquired dropping my pen.

"I'm waiting for the ball to drop, for some sign of emotional breakdown to happen and you to go off the rails again," he replied.

"Ah you mean you are waiting for 'crazy Mac' to come out and play? Sorry to tell you but she has been permanently grounded and can't see anyone right now." I replied.

He leaned forward and glared at me, I leaned back and stared coldly back at him – trying to give him the 'death stare' back.

"This is not funny Fraser. You answered a call today and came across two murdered children who you knew were alive moments earlier, that puts a serious amount of emotional stress of any one of us and I need to know if you need advanced support?" he hissed.

I glared at him and got off my seat, last thing he needed was a knuckle sandwich and my blood was still slightly boiling from earlier.

"I am well aware it is not funny, but I am also aware of the eggshells you have put around me since this morning that is making it very difficult for me to do my job professionally, I am a fully trained combat medic with advanced training in bio-terrorism and pathological analysis; I have worked in some of the worst hell holes in the world and seen things that would make the devil scream. Today wasn't my first time I have come across murdered children, and I doubt it will be my last. I said my prayers at the scene and dealt with the stress, right now all I want to do is finish this presentation and go to mass in the morning!" I hissed back.

I had stood up and tried to head to the door before being pinned to the wall by a very pissed off Ed, I stood completely still and just breathed through the adrenaline rush.

"Wordy said that you were sick, that is a known trigger reaction – can you tell me that you are going to be 100% alright for the next few days? That you're not going to be distracted or overly emotional while on shift?" he demanded.

"I was sick and I don't deny it; you would be as well if you saw not only those two kids, but every dead kid you had to deal with. That's the worst my memories get, the worst my triggers can be now as they have to have an emotional trigger to them – I think we can both agree that dead children are an emotional rollercoaster!" I replied.

The door burst open and Spike came in and pulled Ed off me, pushing him back against the counter as I straightened myself out, the men were looking at each other with venom, neither knowing how to deal with the situation. I walked over and laid hands on them both and separated them before they came to blows – I was always the touchy subject during hard call outs and that was going to change before they made me leave to keep the team together.

"Are you trying to push her over the edge?" Spike hissed.

"Spike todays call hits close to home for the parents in the team, take a deep breath and take a seat." I asked gently.

Both of them sat down but were giving glares to each other, I rolled my eyes at them both and smacked the back of their heads, both glared at me and I rolled my eyes again at their actions.

"If you don't calm down and get rid of the extra testosterone, I'm going to give you the mini pill in your drinks! I am working through my own problems with the love and support of everyone here, but I don't need people to go over protective on my ass! Remember my training, remember what I have survived and accomplished over the last few months! I am stronger because of you guys, my team, my family – and you guys are breaking my stride but treating me like I need wrapped up in bubble wrap and stored away!"

"Sometimes we should do that!" they both said.

"And some days I want to kick your arses and send you naked through the bracken – but you don't see me doing that do you? You have to stop treating me like a porcelain doll or i will be treated like one and forced off the SRU because no-one will want to work with me. You do more damage to me by going all Rambo, talk to me instead, spar with me – hell bake me a cake! ANYTHING BUT TREAT ME LIKE AN EMOTIONAL LUNATIC!"

Both men flinched.

I rarely went nuts at them now and they learned the hard way that I had a temper on me after having to chase a subject three miles through the streets and save him from drowning after jumping offs the pier. I wasn't loud when I had a temper, but I could be vicious in at least two languages and got heavy handed while doing restraints which were one reason I was good at hard tactical entry with Wordy, the door opened and Sam walked in, I looked at him and he rolled his eyes at them both.

"Did he think you were going to need your jacket again Mac?" Sam asked.

"Yeah, getting a little tired of it so I made him aware of my feelings on the matter and Spike intervened. Just finished telling them off!" I replied.

Both Spike and Ed were looking rather sheepish now and staring at the floor, it was actually quite cute to see but I took a deep sigh and chuckled, I moved out the way and let them head out of the room, they both stopped and Ed asked a question.

"When was the first dead child you saw – Iraq?"

"No, it was 1996 in Dunblane School – her cousin was murdered with 16 other children and teachers," replied Spike.

Ed and Sam turned to him and then to me.

"I did tell you I am working through my emotional triggers – no secrets anymore. Now do you believe me?" I questioned them both.

"I'm sorry Mac; I know what it's like…" Ed started.

I held up my hand and shook my head.

"Never apologise to me about what you have had to deal with in life and in the line of duty – I am no judge and I won't press for details – but I will give and expect honesty at all times, even if it's in private. Now, before this scene gets all mushy, how about you take me to the range and we go through a couple more lessons?" I replied.

Sam looked at me with a small frown; he wasn't fully up to date with the news.

"She's doing her Marksman course after the take down a couple of weeks ago," Spike whispered to Sam.

"Oh jeez, Scottish sniper alert!" he chuckled to himself as they walked out.

Spike turned to Ed and growled at him, I burst out laughing at them both and headed outside towards the weapons locker to get organised; I would deal with Spike later tonight, Ed needed a chat while on the range.

An hour later I was in the swing of the lesson and taking aim at the new target that had been put up, I was doing well, I could hit the bulls-eye with most tries and now with the rifle I had been practicing with for the fortnight with ease. I lined up for another shot and heard Ed whisper behind me.

"Slow your breath down, lower your heart rate and focus on your target. Between heartbeats, count to three and then fire."

I drew in a breath through my nose and repeated until I could feel my heartbeat in my ears, I focused down the scope and touched the trigger – a small puff of chalk exploded at the other end of the range and I unloaded and looked up.

"Jesus!"

We looked round to find Sam and Jules watching from the gallery, I made the rifle safe and sat up and waved; they came in once the light went to green and looked at the targets on the table.

"How's the training going guys?" Jules asked.

"Think we have a possible back up, how long have you been training Mac?" Sam asked.

"Three weeks, seems I am a natural at the logistics of the role and its delivery," I replied shrugging my shoulders.

The held up the targets and found most of the shots within the kill zone areas marked out on the sheets; I wasn't as good as the rest of them, but I was gaining skill quickly and progressing through the lessons confidently. Ed triggered the target and it moved forward on the platform for solid objects, he picked it up and chucked it to me.

"That was your best shot ever – centre target, simulated cross wind and complete focus on the subject. Well done!"

I looked at the apple in my hand; it had a small hole smack in the centre that went right through.

"Yeah, I would say you're getting the hang of it, three weeks to progress to shots like that is some serious hidden talent!" Jules replied.

"Yeah seems I am surprising everyone these days," I replied.

We had just finished debrief at the end of another 19 hour shift and we were all leaving the meeting room to go and get changed; the other teams had swapped places with us and I was busy talking to Troy when an almighty scream came from the guys changing room. I grabbed the first aid bag behind the desk and ran in with Troy to find Wordy sitting on the bench clutching a folder, I shouted that I was in the room and headed over to Wordy.

_'How the hell did…..' I thought to myself._

He was clutching the photos of Lou's autopsy and other photos of his family lying dead.

I ripped the photos out of his hand and shook his shoulders as I knelt in front of him and ordered someone to phone his house and get a hold of Shelley – there was only one way to prove to him that his family were fine and I wasn't going to mess around with this.

"Wordy…..these aren't real!"

He was sitting there hyperventilating and shaking, I grabbed the photos and shoved them into my bag and got everyone to make sure no other team member came into the room unless it was Parker; I took his hands and looked into his eyes and ordered him to look at me, he managed and I squeezed his hands and talked him through the breathing. The door flew open and it was the rest of the team, I stopped them and saw that they had overpowered Troy and barged in to find out what was wrong.

"Guys, get out NOW!" I ordered.

I turned back to Wordy who was back into the cycle of rapid then slow breathing, he had slid onto his knees and I put my hand over his t-shirt and tapped out the breathing exercise I was taught by Ed. My phone rang and I saw it was Shelley – thank god for that!

"Wordy – this is not real, your family is safe and I have Shelley on the phone – she needs to speak to you, your daughters want to say hello!"

He just looked at me through his tears and I showed him the caller ID – he grabbed the phone and put it up to his ear.

"Shell?" he whispered.

His face crumpled and he cried as soon as he heard her voice and the kids playing in the background; I got everyone to leave us for a few moments and got him calmed down as he spoke to his kids. A few minutes later he hung up the phone and I pulled him in for a compression hug to calm his nervous system down, he would need a lift home and I knew Shelley was on her way in.

"I will get these guys who did this, it was a psychological tactic used to break your spirit and confidence – these are the guys I am fighting from and they will try everything to break you. These are just photos – when Shelley is here, get her home and be with your family – I'll check up on you this afternoon!"

Ten minutes later I escorted him out the building and grabbed Shelley, who took charge of him, I told him I would explain everything tonight but he was to spend the day with his wife and kids and relax. I got him into the car and headed back inside once they were safely on their way home, I headed back to the guys room and picked up my bag from the floor, the folder was still in it and I knew what they had tried to do.

First would come the photos and videos, next would come the personal messages and reminders – then they would come after one of the team; the families would need to be put under watch and have a system to contact us in emergencies or vice versa – this was going to cause headaches.

I headed to the front desk and logged into the system to find out who had entered the SRU to plant the file as there was no way in hell anyone knew about it being in my locker. I checked the footage and came across a motion blur, the cameras were working fine and there was no scheduled maintenance happening so I don't understand the slow effect of the video speed. I thought back to something Spike was working on during a case a few months ago, it was a similar issue and could be caused by something….LEDs! They created the motion blur in digital CCTV cameras, but even then the security features of the SRU are incredibly tight which means…..

"Inside job?" I whispered to myself.

I ran out the room and headed to the lab where I was doing all my research, it looked perfectly fine until I opened up the hidden cabinet in the wall, it was empty – all my notes and research on what was going on was missing. I slammed the door shut and paced the room – everything I was working on was missing, even the hidden back-ups I had kept hidden in other places. I got called to the main desk and saw Winnie trying to stop two men from entering the building; they barged past her and snapped their attention onto me.

"Where are Scarlatti and Fraser?" they demanded.

"Who are you?" I demanded back.

The both reached into their jackets and I raised my weapon automatically shouting for them to stop and raise their hands, five other officers had done the exact same thing and allowed me to lead as I got Winnie out of the way.

"On your knees – NOW!" I ordered.

I took point and Troy and his team went to the men and disarmed them, they also found ID's on them and Troy passed one to me.

_'Oh shit!' I thought to myself. _

"Put them in the holding room, I need Sam back to ID them properly," I whispered to Troy.

He nodded and I went to make two phone calls, one to the boss and the other to Sam – I was in a lot of deep crap if those IDs were authentic!

I got to the garage where Spike had been working on Babycakes for the last couple of hours after the early debrief and I shut the door and leaned against the wall; he looked up at me then sprung over worried.

"Mac, what's wrong?" he demanded.

"They hit Wordy, he's fine and away home for the night with the family but they are upping their game with their tactics." I whispered.

"How did they do it?" he asked remembering what they did to Greg.

"Photos of his family, same what they tried to do with you!" I replied.

His head snapped up at that one, I hadn't told him about what was sent in the mail and I had no intention of doing so, but I let him know it was photos and a video. He gripped my hands and pulled me to him.

"What else has happened, you're more than worried right now!"

"Two men barged past Winnie and refused to ID themselves, Troy and myself arrested them at the front desk and there being held in the third rooms – problem is they have Federal ID passes – fancy doing some hacking?"

Thirty minutes later we were in the briefing room waiting for some information to come along when the Commander and Parker arrived looking seriously pissed off; I looked up at them and mentally kicked myself – they were Federal Agents – oops!

"Care to explain the emergency call I received from Winnie about you and Troy arresting two federal agents? Or the psychological attack on one of my officers!" he demanded.

"Sir they went after Wordy, thankfully I contained the situation and his family are fine – I sent him home for support and I will call him in the morning to check up on him." I replied glancing at Parker.

"And the Federal Agents?" he demanded.

"They entered the SRU by hacking security and barging past Winnie, I ordered them to identify themselves, they refused and Troy and I arrested them along with support from Team Four. Spike was helping me check their credentials when you arrived on scene."

I was braced for it, for the almighty force of nature of the Canadian Federal government coming down over my head and the wrath of Halloran, I flinched internally and kept looking straight ahead while at attention; there was a crowd now at the main desk as the other teams met up with mine to find out what the hell was going on – I could see them all flinching under the onslaught that Halloran was giving me. Thankfully he stopped after a few minutes and headed off to the holding rooms with Parker and the other Federal Agent that had arrived a few moments ago.

"Is she standing at attention?" whispered Winnie.

"Yeah, it's a natural reflex for soldiers – give her a moment and she'll stand down." Sam replied.

I took a measured breath and then relaxed my stance, everyone was still looking at me and I headed towards the main changing rooms muttering under my breath. Spike stood there with his mouth hanging open when he heard what I said.

"What did she just say there?" Ed asked.

"Cane affronto madre cazzo stronzo!" he replied going slightly red.

"And for those who don't know Italian?" Sam asked.

Spike looked up at him and shook his head.

"My woman has a mouth on her – I need to get blessed again!"

The rest of them chuckled as they guessed it was a rather rude comment aimed at Halloran and the Feds.


	28. Chapter 28

I had been ordered to go sit in the briefing room until they were done talking and I was ordered not to talk to anyone, Troy had come to get Spike and took him to the holding rooms – they didn't tell me I wasn't allowed to use the laptop on the desk that Spike had already hooked up to the information I wanted. I checked through the shortcuts and found the security cameras for the holding room and hit enter so I could listen to what they were saying. They were getting grilled by Halloran about entering the SRU without identifying themselves and that they were lucky not to be shot considering their behaviour towards several officers. One of the Feds had a laptop on and he motioned the screen towards Spike, I leaned in closer and he suddenly looked up at the camera – he made a slash motion across his neck and the video feed went dead. I slammed the monitor down and leaned against the chair back.

It was over an hour later that I heard footsteps behind me, everyone else not on duty had been ordered home and I stood up to face Halloran, the Feds and Spike who was looking like a bombshell had been dropped. Parker came up last and pushed me back down on the seat and faced me looking officially pissed off at what was going on.

"Okay. Okay, so here is the deal. The Feds are here to support you as they have been made aware by a certain Commander of reliable intelligence against a threat to the SRU and their families. They have been tracking it for a while and have made some leads but since 2300hrs the trail has gone cold and all information was lost – do you know how?"

I shuffled into the seat properly and nodded, pulling out a printout of computer files that were archived in my personal storage space.

"After I sorted Wordy out I went to check on my files, the report I had been sent via mail was what he found, along with doctored photos of his family. All my research and notes were missing and after I checked the security feed I discovered someone had broken in; then I found that someone had let them in – this is an inside job!" I replied.

"What do you mean an 'inside job'?" Halloran demanded.

"The footage showed blurred images, but only around the person coming inside the building, you can do that to CCTV by using LED's – it's a trick I'm familiar with – the only way to get in this building through that door, is by someone clearing you from the inside!" I explained.

Halloran pulled Parker and the Feds to one side and talked to them for a moment, they all agreed something and the Feds headed out of the main entrance with Halloran while Parker stayed with me, he was pacing the room again and I looked at Spike who shook his head to tell me to keep quiet.

"Boss," I started gently.

"Quiet!" he replied.

I looked up at him and frowned.

"Boss this is my fault!" I said louder.

"SHUT THE HELL UP!" he yelled in my face.

I stood opposite him as he had shouted that at me, Spike had done the same and made a move to come over, it was very rare to see Parker this pissed off – typical for me to be one of the first people to manage it for a while.

"Boss if heads are going to roll then it should be mine – the research was mine, these problems are because of me!" I said stepping forward.

I was grabbed by the shoulders and pushed down hard onto the chair and kept there immobilized, I sat still and kept on looking at Parker to find out what was eating him up inside; the Commander came running back in with Troy, he ordered Parker back and kicked Spike out of the room; he then hit the shutters to give us privacy and turned back round to me.

The look on his face was not good – seriously not good!

"Officer Fraser, you are hereby placed on suspension until we discover the source of these attacks against the SRU and families. You being on active duty with this police force are classed as a liability and you are now under investigation. You may still hold a firearm under your legal permits but are banned from entering the SRU without formal invitation and may not attend any location where the officers are deployed. Officer Nichols, relieve her of her badge, warrant cards and ID entrance card and remove her from the premises."

I handed Troy all the requested on autopilot and was handed the contents of my locker by Halloran in a black rucksack, he lifted the shutters again and I was removed from the room by them both; I couldn't even look at Parker or Spike as I was taken past the main desk and escorted to the awaiting patrol car and sent on my way.

Back inside Parker was still silent and Spike was trying to get information out of him, he wouldn't talk and he walked away to Halloran's office on the top level. Troy came over and gripped Spike's shoulder.

"What happened in there?" he demanded.

Troy pulled him to the gym so they could get some privacy to talk, it was 5am and all hell had broken out in the main areas due to the incident and call outs to different team leaders – the place was a riot.

"What happened – where is she?" Spike demanded again.

"She's been suspended and placed under investigation. Halloran has had enough and the Feds are going to keep an eye on the families – that's all I know Spike. I can cover you if you want to go?"

Spike just looked at Troy – what the hell was going on?

In the back of the patrol car I pulled out my phone after making a decision, I typed in a single sentence and asked the driver to take me to the all night bank instead of the house.

Spike pulled his phone out and slid down the wall, Troy was beside him in a split second and he looked at the message he had received:

_'I'm sorry.'_


	29. Chapter 29

**Thirty Nine days later**

In the hours and days that followed my suspension I had taken a road trip, gotten out of Toronto and went sightseeing; I had lived in Canada for over two years now and never really left Ontario due to work commitments. I had left Spike a note telling him my plans and that I would be in contact on a daily basis, I was forwarded an email from Halloran telling me the team was not allowed to speak to me due to a Sequester Order; and all contact must be terminated. I emailed back and reminded him I lived with Spike – I found my clothes in bags with a patrol car outside the house. I had travelled to Alaska, Vancouver, went to the US and at the end of the month I decided to come back to Toronto and see Spike and the team somehow. My plan was to get a hotel room up high and get the SRU called in for a suicide alert – I was probably going to get hospitalized for the attempt but it was a risk I needed to take.

I checked in at the Hilton and requested a high room, playing up the nervous guest, paid by cash, scruffy looking – I didn't need to play the depressed that hard as I was lonely and miserable without my family around me. I headed up into the room and followed the layout to the roof entry system and grabbed my gear; it was after 1am and the weather was unreal for November – it was a cold night, but dry and clear. I strapped on my harness and pulled over a long jumper and jacket and headed up the stairs to the roof. The door alarm went off which means I was automatically on camera down stairs, I ran across the roof from the stairwell and climbed the bannister as I latched onto the washer unit with the suspension cables attached to the harness. I took a deep breath and sat down right at the edge and dangled my feet over the edge.

"TEAM ONE HOT CALL! SUBJECT IS THREATNING SUICIDE AT THE HILTON!"

They all ran to get their gear and hit the garage and headed off down the road towards their goal, Keira loaded information on the fly for them and patched them through to hotel security for information; all they had was a female aged late twenty, early thirties had checked in and then ran to the roof – they couldn't get a visual due to the camera coming down with a fault. Parker notified the team of the deal and then took charge as they arrived at the hotel.

I was sitting up in the roof freezing my ass off, I looked over the edge and saw the lights of the three SUVs and CT – I just hoped it was Team one as it was bloody freezing up here!

Parker came out the CT with Spike and Ed, they were ordered to follow Parker up the roof and provide cover if needed while he did his thing; they both nodded and headed up in the elevator that had been locked down for their use.

I heard the elevator ping and the sound of boots crunching over the gravel that covered the top of the roof, I saw the shadow behind me and knew they had found me and trained their lights on me so Parker could see me.

"Hello, my name is Sergeant Greg Parker and I am with the Strategic Response Unit – Can you tell me your name?" he asked gently.

I stood up and turned around to face him.

"Holy shit!" he whispered loudly

"Hey guys, miss me?" I said shrugging my shoulders.

All three of them were staring at me in shock, I moved slightly and they all ordered me to stay still – they didn't see the black rope I was connected too. I pulled my jacket to the side and showed them the harness and safety gear I was wearing – all three of them ran to me and helped me over the barrier again before unlocking me from the harness.

"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING UP HERE?" Spike yelled at me.

"It's the only way I could see you guys – sorry about the prank call but it's the only way I could think of getting your attention!" I replied.

I was rushed at by three men and hugged like crazy, it was so good to see them again and I missed Spike badly; I got them into the cover of the elevator door and got my harness off and shoved it back into my bag. Spike was just hugging me close and Parker had my other hand and Ed on my shoulder, felt damn good to see and talk to them again.

"How is everyone, everyone alright?" I asked as I was hugged again.

"Yeah everyone's fine, no injuries, accidents or anything else going on – we didn't know what the hell was going on after the Commander kicked us out of the room – next thing we know is your being escorted and orders from SIU and Halloran order us to have no contact with you. We tried everything to get you back – we know this isn't your fault!" Parker replied.

"Thirty nine days sequestered is a record and I'm apparently still under investigation by the Feds – that's why I needed to see you guys, I can't keep doing this! I'm SRU, I have your backs but because of some assholes power play within the SRU – I'm alone." I shot back.

I was pacing and fried, I just wanted home.

"We need to get you somewhere safe and warm for tonight and we can meet up and think things through; there has to be something we can do to get you out of this?" Ed whispered as the Comms unit kicked in.

The message was from the SRU asking for an update – it wasn't a voice I recognised.

"New guy?" I asked listening in.

They all nodded.

"Yeah, straight from the academy and has no love of our team; caught him going through personnel records a couple of days ago and when I challenged him he flung me a warrant for the search ." Spike replied.

"Well that sounds like he's been planted to keep an eye on you! What's Halloran been up to recently?" I inquired.

They looked at each other – crap I wasn't going to like this one!

"Is he dead? Missing? Man sushi somewhere?" I asked.

"He's under investigation himself by the Agency. They want to know why you were allowed to continue on in the SRU with all this going on; we tried to intervene considering what he did to protect you that night but were ordered back on pain of dismissal." Parker replied.

I turned around at that bit of news and frowned, things weren't adding up!

"What do you mean what he did to save me? He handed me over to the wolves and left me out to dry! I haven't seen anyone in over a month, I haven't been allowed inside my home for a month! I had to get the patrol car to drop me off at the bank so I could get money for clothes and supplies and then I had to find a hotel to live in! I was separated from everyone on a night that I needed you all!" I yelled back.

Parker took me by the shoulders as Spike and Ed took my hands, they knew that I was getting emotional again and all I wanted was to crawl into their safety and figure out what to do next.

"We will figure this out, we know this is hard but you have managed this far! We need to get going in case there is another call, but when the shift is finished; Spike can come over and try and figure things out with you!"

I shook my head at the suggestion – if anyone found out I was in contact with the team then I was a wanted fugitive and it risked everything everyone else had worked for in their lives.

"I need to know you alright Mac – come to the house then!" he whispered.

"Everyone's houses are under surveillance, they hooked up micro cams to the lights in the street a few weeks ago; for me to even get into this hotel and call you out like this I had to sew LEDs into my shirt – only way to scramble my face on the cameras!" I replied showing them the small lights along my collar.

Spike was chuckling to himself – I had seen it on a TV show and we tried it out with a lot of success; I shrugged my shoulders and grinned.

"How about tomorrow at the park when we are on patrol – its remote enough and I can set up some scramblers in case we are followed?" Spike chipped in.

I nodded and we agreed the time and meeting point. I hugged everyone hard and told them to tell everyone else that it's all good and I would see them soon! They headed back down the elevator and I slid down the wall with the exhaustion I was feeling from earlier on.

**Hours later**

It was just past 10pm the next night and I was walking down the old pathway along from the waterfall bridge where we were going to meet, the snow had started and thankfully was pretty light for the time being so none of us where going to get soaked; I slipped down the embankment and headed to the bottom of the bridge walkway and spotted a couple of people; I checked with the view finder that it was them and headed over.

"Guys!" I called gently as I turned the corner.

I stopped dead, it was Sam and Jules but they were being held by a face I hoped never to see again, I raised my weapon and walked slowly towards them, checking both sides in case there were any other surprises.

"Sorry Mac, we got here early and got surprised!"

I looked to the man holding them at gunpoint, how the hell was this going to work out without one of us getting shot? I caught a flick of white from further up the trail and saw a signal from Spike – they had seen what had happened and were coming down stealth approach.

I stared at the man and clenched my jaw, keeping my anger at bay.

"Nathan, let them go, it's me you want!"

He chuckled; the son of a bitch actually chuckled at me!

"Oh I've wanted you for a while Mackenzie, but sloppy seconds to an Italian – you disappoint me! Thought you had better taste in men – or is he the only one who would take you so broken?"

Oh this bastard was so getting a bullet through his knee caps!

"I do have better taste in men, that's why I didn't want you, sure as hell didn't need your abusive lifestyle and friends in my life – as for my life now – you hurt one hair on my friends head and you will wish you were never born!" I shouted back.

He gripped Jules neck and squeezed, I stopped and stood still; the others were getting a flash bang ready and had started a five second count down until they released it behind Nathan. They counted it down and on the last second I shouted for them to close their eyes and duck.

All hell broke loose as the team came running down the hill and Sam and Jules got out of the way; the flash bang had hit Nathan on the back and had injured him – he shot at us as he ran – I dodged behind a bin and then chased after him down the walkway towards the south side of the park. I could hear the others running after us and telling me to wait up, if I did that though then I would lose him and this was going to end tonight either way!

"Nathan STOP!" I shouted over the noise of the waterfall.

He let off another couple of rounds in my direction and both missed me, I checked behind me as saw everyone still running and catching up. I turned around the corner and saw him climbing over a fence on top of a small hill; I sprinted up the hill and jumped over the fence, I went down hard over the other side and saw the razor wire sticking out of my thigh. I couldn't pull it out without causing some major damage and he was getting away from me. I picked myself back up and started to run as fast as I could along the industrial street in the direction he headed; I slipped beside the wall and listened for any noises, I could hear ragged breathing and something clicked into place.

_'High respiration rate, uneven breath sounds and tight gasping on every breath after exertion – these are the symptoms of lung damage caused by infection after a gunshot wound to the cardio-vascular system – prognosis is long term respiratory problems and medication treatment including GTN for Angina and Inhalers for bronchial dilation.'_

I snapped back to the moment and thought out how to best get him into the open, I checked the corner for any signs of him and headed into the alleyway where I heard the sounds come from; I had just got around the corner and a set of truck lights lit up the whole place and the truck sped down towards me – I ran back up the alleyway and slammed into a stationary car and over the other side of the way as the truck slammed past the car and pinned me behind it and the garbage bin. I lay there gasping for breath as the adrenaline kicked in and I closed my eyes to calm my breathing and centre my focus.

"Mac – where are you?" a group of voices called.

I sat up and pulled myself up using the now smashed car door, I waved to them and limped over before I sat on the kerb and holstered my gun; I picked out one of the razor blades from the wire and gasped as I shoved some fresh snow on it and used my scarf as a pressure dressing. Ed and Sam came running over and Sam passed me the first aid kit as he rolled me onto my side so he could see the other bits of metal in my thigh; there was only two other bits but they were deep and would require stitches at the hospital.

"You need to get to hospital, not bleeding too badly but they are rusty as hell!" Sam said checking the wounds.

I shook my head and scooped some more fresh snow onto my leg to numb it out, it was helping and I growled as he prodded the wound.

"Guys, you can't take me in and you can't call the EMTs, get me to the bus stop and I'll get myself to St. Mike's Hospital on my own. You all okay, no injuries?" I replied to Ed who was contacting Parker on his phone.

They all nodded and waited as Ed finished the call.

"We'll take you by car then and drop you off with a blank phone we picked up for you – least then we can keep in contact!" Sam replied.

"No it's good, you can't be seen with me and you need to get in to the barn! I got a picture of one of the guys who Nathan was with – look familiar?" I asked handing him the old phone I had used for its camera.

They both looked up at each other and nodded to me, Sam dressed the wound up and helped me stand as everyone else came to join us after going around the fence and not over it! I was automatically hugged again and laughed as I joked about the evening exercises!

"By any chance is this guy your new desk jockey?" I inquired.

I showed them the picture on my phone and they all looked.

"Yeah, so we were right about him being planted there!" Ed replied.

"Get Spike to open my files at home, inside the yellow folder will be pictures of the units families, including Toth's – get him to age the young boy – my guess is that is him and he is working with his Uncle."

"Is that's true then we have the connection – I can contact the squad and they can take Toth down and get everyone cleared by tomorrow night!" Sam replied.

"No, the squad are on duty, I thought of the same idea last week but they are abroad on business; but I have another person in mind for this. Sam, contact your old CO and ask him for Darren to be recalled if he is not on active and that he needs to be here for 0600. He should be in Alaska right now on training, he knows what is going on and can handle himself." I replied.

"Your buddy is a Navy Seal right?" Parker asked.

"Yeah, he's been my contact for the last few weeks giving me Intel when he can, we've worked out a good few of the leads and I covered the tracks by going on a tour of Canada. We have everything we need to take these guys down and get cleared – all we needed was Toth to come out and try and get me – I just didn't expect it would happen tonight. Guys I'm sorry, he must have been tracking me even thought I was careful – I never caught on!"

"You did remarkably well Mackenzie considering you are not a SF tactician," Sam replied as Jules gave me a hug.

"Street smart with a clear head – should have seen her in Scotland when we got caught in a pub fight in Glasgow – that was a good night!" Spike replied.

"Yeah it was – you had one hell of a hangover after that bottle of Glenmorangie we won and started with Morag after the beer – you haven't touched spirits since!" I replied laughing.

Wordy and Ed had gone to get the SUVs and they came around the corner at speed since we could hear the sirens of the patrol cars coming to investigate the sound of gunfire in the area. Wordy came running over and gave me a massive hug, I had missed everyone and was worried about him after the trick they had played on him. He had assured me that everyone was fine and no lasting issues – also that Shelley was going to make a huge meal for us once this was all dealt with!

"Alright guys, get out of here because if they find you then you're screwed! I'll head along the main road through the park and then back to the hospital; give Darren the call and tell him to contact me only once it's over. It may be a couple of days, but either way it'll be over – now go!" I shouted as the police lights became visible down the street.

I spun on my heels and headed down the pathway towards the park again as the rain started and thankfully washed away the small pool of blood from my leg wound – least the police would have one less job to do tonight! I got to the top of the hill where the team had run down from and saw the SUVs switch on their lights and sirens.

"Keep the peace guys!" I whispered as I got to the bus stop.


	30. Chapter 30

I woke up the next morning back in the hotel and sat up on the bed, I had fallen asleep the moment my head hit the pillow and had rolled a couple of times onto my side, bad idea considering it pulled the stitches and I needed to clean and mend the dressings. I got up and had a quick shower and clean up and got dressed as I looked outside the window; Toronto was covered in snow and it was going to be a long day trapped in the hotel with little to do but wait on a phone call and a visit from the Feds. A couple of the hotel employees had recognised me from an incident here last year, they chatted to me as I wandered about the place and headed out to grab some food at the coffee shop across the road. My phone beeped and I looked down at the message, I had received it at 11am, it was now 11.54. I scrolled down to it and clicked the icon.

_'Target acquired and contained – Federal Agents on way with Halloran to your hotel – meet in lobby at 12.'_

I ignored my food order and hobbled back over the road and five minutes later reached my room and packed my gear up, slinging across my shoulders I grabbed the elevator and headed down to the lobby where the Commander was dressed back in SRU uniform. I headed over and stopped in front of him; he looked at me and nodded.

"The military have him at the base with your friend – time to get some answers!" he whispered as he took one of my bags.

"Commander I need to apologise about all this trouble I have caused….." I started.

His hand went into the air and I closed my mouth at his expression.

"Not your fault Mac, these guys were good – we were better – come on, let's get you cleaned up and back into your uniform!" he replied passing me my uniform bag and an envelope.

Two hours later I was checked out for my leg and cleared for active duty again with the SRU as the details from Darren's mission were explained, he had contacted the Federal Agency with his unit and given clean Intel of what the subjects had been planning and how their operation had run so well. They provided all documents and evidence to clear everyone of wrong doing and had video and audio of both Toth's ordering operational directives on the team. The Feds had then contacted the MOD and they had allowed their counterparts in Toronto to take charge as long as Toth was charged fairly.

I stood in the corridor back in my tactical gear, damn it felt good to wear it again and to know that my hands were clean and my team and family were safe; I had managed to get a long talk with Halloran who explained that he was aware there was an inside leak after the Feds had been contacted by SIU, the chatter on the Terrorism network had spiked and the familiar names of a rogue SF team thought to be dead kept coming up. They made their plans for me to become separated from my team to flush the other subjects out – a plan that worked but left me pissed off at the length of time it was taking them to do everything. I received a full apology from the Feds and Halloran, my record was wiped clean and a full notice put into my file for future reference that no action can be taken against me, and I was being put forward for an accommodation award for valour. I didn't want it or need it, but it was being put forward by the SIU for actions above and beyond the call.

I could hear the men being interrogated from behind the door, I wanted in there but had been banned immediately knowing that I would end up going psycho on their asses; Halloran came back out with Darren who grabbed my shoulders and I thanked him for all the help he and his team had done for me and my friends; he nodded and I stepped back out of sight as a guard escort came along the corridor to remove the suspects to secure holding.

"Let me see him at least, I need to see what his body language is like, if he might have anything else planned?" I requested.

Darren and the Commander looked at each other and then me, I was blank faced and just wanted to know why?

"She's been trained by the best in the city, she'll know if there is something planned," replied Darren.

Halloran and the Federal agent agreed and I was allowed into the gallery to witness what was happening in the room, I didn't expect to see the broken man sitting in the chair as a medic checked him out for transport. I looked up at Darren and he handed me a notebook, I frowned and then opened it up.

"He kept a diary, there is a room full of them that I am getting transported across for you – I think it would be good if you read them, maybe it will help you get over the guilt you feel."

I looked up at him, he wasn't aware of the pain I felt after I lost the team in the desert – how badly I was injured and how fucked up I was – how did he know?

"I've known for a while. Your team love you, Spike loves you and they explained what has happened over the last couple of years and what you have had to deal with. Why didn't you call?" he whispered.

I ducked my head, shame running through me – a weakness of not being able to handle my demons – I was embarrassed. He raised my chin and looked me straight in the eyes and nodded.

"Because I was stubborn, and I thought I could handle it myself. I was wrong, put those guys through hell and it took a trip back to the desert to clear my head with the old squad." I replied honestly.

He chuckled and patted me on the shoulder.

The doctors were getting Nathan strapped onto the stretcher and we followed them out of the building towards the military ambulance; he had spotted me and sneered at me, shouting insults and what he was going to dream of at night. I stood facing him and watched as the medics moved him in and hooked up his medication to sedate him, and also to monitor his vitals due to the Angina attack he had suffered when captured. We turned away as the ambulance pulled away and I noticed something on the ground, it was a box of matches that was empty with the strip removed.

_'Nitro-glycerine patches are highly flammable if improperly used'_

I turned back round to the medics and shouted on the officer to get his men to stop the ambulance at the gate, Darren and me ran down the road and saw the driver and doctor lounge out the ambulance as the back was set on fire by a spark – I ran full speed down the driveway and was only stopped by Darren lifting me off my feet; the ambulance was fully on fire and all I heard was a gunshot above Darren shouting on me to keep still as I tried to get out of his arms and towards the ambulance to help those inside.

I was body covered as the ambulance burst into a fireball as the oxygen tanks exploded, Darren slammed me into the ground and shielded me with his body as the hot air seared the air over our heads.

The fire fighters came and went; the coroner came, saw and evaluated the mess the ambulance was in and the now charred body in the back of the scrap. I never moved from my spot on the road, I had to deal with this now – this final wicked salute he made me witness as he took his life for real in an explosion and GSW. I was sick to my stomach; it brought every emotion up and made me relive every flash of memory from that day I lost them the first time round. But this time I knew he was really dead and couldn't come back to harm me. Darren had passed the dog tag from my files to Nathan before transport, it was the first thing I asked the coroner to look for in his hands – they found it.

It was now after 6pm and I was fried, the Commander wanted debriefed back at the barn and we still hadn't seen the team yet after SIU was explaining what was going on and what had been achieved. I contacted Halloran and advised him of the last hour's events and the suicide of Toth; he advised me to meet him at the main entrance and we would go in together to finish explaining what was going on.

Darren and his team had to leave for the airport about half an hour ago so one of the soldiers gave me a lift back to the station where I met Halloran outside; he pulled me in for a supporting hug and stood me at arm's length.

"I am damn proud of you, of all of my teams – now get back to work, your paperwork is well overdue Officer Fraser!"

I grinned, saluted and headed towards the main desk where I noticed the shutters were down over the meeting room, Winnie was back on the desk and I snuck upon her and she squealed in delight as I hugged her; she told me to stand in front of the shutters so they could launch the surprise on the team and hooked me up to the radio link so I could hear what was being discussed.

"You have a new team mate joining today for their first shift; I believe you may know them?" Halloran said to everyone.

The shutters lifted and I was standing there in the doorway grinning like an idiot, seconds later I was being passed around the place like a beach ball and got thrown at Spike so he could get his fair share of cuddles back.

"It's over – he's dead!" I whispered.

"I know – Darren sent me a message and let me know – your home now!" he whispered back kissing me.

I snuggled into his arms and grinned at everyone assembled around us and felt the love.


End file.
